<p>I think people have way too much of a chip on their shoulder about being on the W/L and take it way too personally. This decision is about YOU and what you want and the best way to go about getting it; not the school, especially when admissions are so random. This kind of thinking is only spiting yourself not the school. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t make the trip to Wesleyan until you find out that you’re accepted. I think you can still determine a lot about a school and the environment there even if classes are not in session.</p>
<p>hmom5, it was a means to an end when talking to my 17 year old son. While it might be “hard to fathom”, some students <em>want</em> that experience and it does influence their choice of schools. Those preferences are no more or less important than other variables considered in students choice. For every student that wants a small LAC there is a student who wants the opposite. My son wanted a big school, with great athletics, with a strong material science/ chem-e program, with vibrant campus life and thousands of people around. To be candid, I find your post dismissive and judgmental. I simply provided a list of things <em>I</em> discussed with <em>my</em> child to discourage him from putting too much emphasis on wait list schools. Many schools warn students on the wait list that their housing options might be limited, deposits and choice have been made. </p>
<p>In the end, the OP had already posted that those factors would not really be a factor in their child’s decision why you felt the need to question the factors that I used to effectively influence my child is beyond me. Are you suggesting that my Son was somehow deficient because those things did matter to him, If not, why bother to reference my post? I’m not here to argue, I simply shared my experience with the situation last year.</p>
<p>Edit: Heck, in my post I even admit the excuses I used to get him to forget the wait list schools were shortsighted. I didn’t care, I just wanted him to move on.</p>
<p>No offense intended DTDad. But I must be honest, I don’t think it’s a good idea to encourage kids to base college choice on housing options and sports tickets. It’s not about wanting a big school or a sports school, that’s great and every kid should have their unique list of what’s important to them. As parent’s however, I think our role is to keep the kids focused on what should be truly important in the decision making process. </p>
<p>Whether they had choice housing, got great seats at the big game freshmen year or had a couple of high school friends who went too will have no impact on their future. I want my kids to keep a focus on the things that will when choosing a college. Choosing a college is a major teaching opportunity. We can teach long term objectives, setting good priorities and so much more.</p>
<p>You’re certainly entitled to your list of what’s important to your family and I’m giving the OP my thoughts on what’s important for mine.</p>
<p>My experience is that teens are not necessarily sponges just waiting to soak up all the good advice and direction being offered to them by their parents.</p>
<p>Especially when kids are hoping to come off a waitlist, I think it is good if parents can show them benefits they can appreciate of loving the schools that have accepted them. For some, they will be able to get excited about being able to hit the books and prepare for law school, for others, it might be attending football games and living in a preferred dorm.</p>
<p>This will be my last post regarding this topic within the thread. I’m not sure why you would assume those things were the basis for my son’s decision. You are ignoring the larger context, I was trying to get him to see some additional reasons why focusing on the school he had been accepted too was a positive rather than investing energy into low yield wait list. While it would be fine if those thing were the deciding factor, this was at the end of the process, not the start. He had already done the heavy lifting of putting together a well thought out and mature plan for selecting schools (thanks to many of the people here) </p>
<p>It must be nice to be so sure that their happiness with housing, enjoying the social scene, athletics, having friends they know and trust taking the same courses will have no impact on their future or success. </p>
<p>Perhaps you should share that omniscient knowledge with all the parents who’s kids come home hating school, failing, sick, substance abusing and wanting to drop out or transfer each semester, so they can know exactly which factors will have a impact and avoid the heartache. </p>
<p>I guess we just have a different perspective, I take a holistic approach. I want him to be in a great school, challenged and happy. </p>
<p>One thing you are right about, choosing a college is a teaching opportunity, I choose to teach my children they are empowered to be happy and should expect as much from life. They don’t have to settle to be responsible, they have choices and should make them.</p>
<p>DTDad, the OP came to the board to ask how to handle her DD’s waitlist situation. In your post you offered the arguments that you used with your DS. After reading them, I offered a counter position and said that IMO, those were bad reasons to use with her DD. Everyone here brings a different perspective and yours and mine are clearly polar opposites.</p>
<p>If you don’t care about the money; if you live a car ride away; if your daughter can miss school; if she can stand the heartbreak of not getting in; if she looks at the visit as another of life’s experiences – then I would go visit. But that’s a lot of ifs.</p>
<p>I, too, know a lot of kids at Wesleyan, as well as grownups who went there. And I wouldn’t describe a single one as edgy or activist. One is quirky. They all lean left politically. But I agree Wes has that reputation. I wonder if kids change once they get there, or I know the exceptions.</p>
<p>And two years ago, a kid I know got in off the waitlist. She learned on like May 2, and decided to go. And she is most definitely not quirky or edgy.</p>
<p>I realize that collectively some people get in off waitlists. Personally, this has never been my style. I advocate embracing the acceptance and forgetting the waitlist. I would not remain on a waitlist unless the alternative was in some way sub optimal.</p>
<p>Gellino, S had already been accepted at his top four choices when the W/L decision came in. It was easy to say thanks, but no thanks, and let someome else have a shot at a spot.</p>
<p>Whether Wesleyan is quirky, left leaning, or not is not really the issue here. The problem seems to lie more with your D’s wanting something that she really knows nothing about, or can’t express why she wants it. The flip side is that IF she has researched Wes as much as possible without having actually been there (when school is in session), AND she has a clear idea of what she is looking for academically, then basing her decision on those factors, if she gets in, might not be so bad. I know a lot of people will say that it’s important to visit, but it’s my experience that those impressions can be pretty arbitrary and whimsical. (among reasons my daughter has ruled out schools: too many smokers, not liking the class she sat in on, the dorm room she saw was unappealing, wrong clothes on students, wrong shoes, not clicking with her student host.)</p>
<p>It’s also common to want to go where she knows people from home, but that’s not a good reason. I reminded my D that when she started HS, she knew no one, and that some day she will feel as much at home in her new college as she did in HS.</p>
<p>D has decided to stay on one waitlist, for a school that she KNOWS that she would accept if an offer came. To stay on the waitlist for a school that you really don’t know that you’d take in a heartbeat? Less compelling…</p>
<p>Both our girls were offered spots on various waitlists and I told them both the same thing: Stay on a waitlist if you want but focus big time on your top choice school among those that accepted you. Spend your spring and summer dreaming, planning, and buying T-shirts for that school and not any waitlist school. If lightning strikes and you get off the waitlist, great. We’ll worry about that when and if it happens.</p>
<p>cindy, I would agree with garland: W&M and Wesleyan have very different atmospheres, very different physical environments, very different student bodies and very different teaching philosophies. Neither is better than the other, but it’s hard to imagine both being good fits for the same kid.</p>
<p>Has your daughter talked to Wesleyan admissions about their waitlist policy? Some colleges will give you information about your chances as in the total number on the list, your general ranking in percentile. Some will tell you nothing at all. You just have to wait and while doing so fail to completely bond with the school that admitted you. It’s an insidious system.</p>
<p>Having said that I expect that this year’s waitlist movement at non-merit-giving privates will follow a different pattern from other years just because of the cold light of economic reality. What was doable for many families prior to September 2008 may not work this year. </p>
<p>If it were my kid and if the expense weren’t excessive I’d visit Wesleyan now. If it still appeals, I’d advise her to put some muscle behind her admissions quest – maybe another recommendation, any good news that’s happened to her since she submitted her application. Did she already interview at Wesleyan? I’m sure this isn’t SOP for waitlisters but my impression of Wesleyan’s admissions is that it’s as quirky as its student body (and I mean this in a good way) so it may be worthwhile to sit down and talk to someone.</p>
<p>My son is in a similar situation now (except that he’s already visited the waitlist school). Ironically, the school that he’s planning to attend is, to me, a much better fit for him, and, I would think, a lot less money, so, as coureur says, “If lightning strikes and you get off the waitlist, great. We’ll worry about that when and if it happens.”</p>
<p>Visit the school. It shows “enthusiasm/interest” and may make a difference when they select kids off the wait list. If you are offered admissions, you will kick yourself for not visiting, and have to make the decision cold.</p>
<p>I’m shaking my head here. Wesleyan is a great school - no doubt there. But how could anyone visit W&M without getting excited? A campus that dates from the 17th century in Historic Williamsburg, with the scenery, the architecture, the history, and the renowned name in addition to a highly select and talented student body? Williamsburg trumps Middletown. The W&M name trumps Wesleyan’s. And the $60,000 savings trumps it all. Personally, I’d take W&M over Wes with the pricetags even. At this point, I’d be hesitant to do anything to continue the infatuation with Wes and focus all my efforts on the strategy that Coureur recommends.</p>
<p>I’ve kind of been following your “adventures” with your daughter ever since your first “daughter hates all of her matches and safeties” thread. Based on your posts, she doesn’t seem to be thrilled with any of her college choices. What is she looking for in a college? What does she want to study? What are her interests? Is she more interested in the brand name and status of the college rather than the substance of the college? </p>
<p>If she isn’t thrilled about her choices, save the money and send her to the least expensive choice. Let her spend the first two years figuring out her academic interests and her priorities. After the first two years, she will have a better idea of what she’s really looking for in a college. Once she’s on a more focussed path, she’ll have the option to remain at the school (she may fall in love with it) or transfer.</p>
<p>Of course, I’m slightly biased as a W&M alum, married to a W&M alum, brother and brother-in-law of W&M alums, father of a current W&M student. Oh, and when I die, my ashes are to be sprinkled in Crim Dell.</p>
<p>On the other hand, my daughter was accepted to W&M but won’t be going - no engineering, alas!</p>