So right now I’m at the University of Michigan after taking a gap year (much to my parents’ chagrin, and after I got in a second time as a transfer from community college) and I really want to leave. I got off to a bad start because I’m OCD and was given a dirty apartment and have dirty roommates too. The apartment was cleaned, but because my roommates are so dirty, I still feel awful going there and try to stay outside as much as I can. I’m supposed to be moving out to a cleaner place, but I’m worried about what new problems might arise there too. I’m so used to home that it’s been extra hard to adjust.
The academics here are beyond overwhelming, and I think I misjudged thinking I could handle the course load here - all it does is exacerbate my anxiety, and I’m pretty sure my GPA is going to tank, which is bad since I’m pre-PA. I feel so behind and it’s only the third week of classes. I also know PA school is incredibly hard to get into, and I’m not even 100% sure if that’s what I want. I’m majoring in BCN here, which is basically a glorified psychology major, and I was thinking I could get into business or consulting maybe with my degree if I decide I don’t want the PA route since it’s an elite school. Somehow, though, I feel like it’s just a waste of time when I can major in business in a school closer to home (it’s nearly impossible to transfer to Ross and it’d take too much time, so that’s not an option). My parents are struggling pretty badly financial-wise, and the pressure is on me to help them out of that as the eldest child. I can’t risk majoring in something that won’t get me a well-paying job in the long run, which I’m doubting by majoring in BCN. I also kinda wanna get a job quickly so I can help them out, and I don’t think PA is something I can do fast.
I’m also from Chicago, so it’s a bit far and I really miss home. I feel so alone and feel as if I made the wrong decision coming here, and that I should’ve just stayed home and commuted. I’m Indian American and my mom’s taken care of me my whole life, and I’ve lived a very traditional lifestyle, so it feels pretty isolating come here. Most people don’t go out of state from my community, and most people like me here are in state so they don’t feel it as deeply. I’m not eating or sleeping properly, and I was already underweight, struggling with nutrition, depression, and anxiety to begin with, so it’s not doing wonders for my health either. I always feel tired or like I’m about to faint, and I don’t eat properly either.
I have to make my decision whether to withdraw from classes or stay by Monday. I’m on a full ride here (I come from a low-income family), so the date matters for financial aid. If I go back, I would waste another semester, disappoint a bunch of relatives (although my parents are supportive of me coming back), and probably commute next semester. If I stay here, I risk an awful GPA , unsure job prospects, and just further anxiety. I’ve talked to a counselor here and they haven’t really helped. What should I do? I know it’s an amazing school with amazing opportunities, but I just feel like I’m headed for a train wreck.