<p>Okay, well I am a college freshman in my second semester at a Public Ivy. Lately, I've been thinking about transferring to a local university in my hometown for a couple of reasons. I've tried reaching out and making friends with minimal success. I know that real friendships take time, but I guess I'm a little discouraged. Even back home, I had a small group of three or so friends and they all attend the local college. Simply put, I'm an introvert who has constantly found companionship within my family. Being away from them really saddens me. Also, I've decided to major in psychology, but I don't know that acquiring at least 20K of loan debt is worth it, especially given the value of only a psychology BA in today's economy. I do like the school that I attend because of its prestige and location. I'm just finding the option of transferring appealing due to the fact that I will be with my family and friends with a lower amount of debt. On the other hand, I feel like I would be letting my family and other people down because they were very excited about me coming here. My parent's financial situation has never been great and I find myself constantly worrying about their future. Part of me also wants to go home to maybe ease their financial burden. After all this time, I'm beginning to think that maybe I would be happy earning a BA and MA in my hometown, where it would be easier to find a job and where I could eventually use my earnings to pay my Mom and Dad back for all that they've done, you know? Basically, my main reasons for considering transferring home boil down to homesickness/family obligation and financial security. If I were to go home, I feel that it would be better for me socially and financially. The academics back home aren't up to par with where I'm at. However, I really think that I would be much happier. I'm going to make it through this semester before I make a decision, though I am starting to believe that maybe the pros of transferring outweigh the cons. Sorry if this post is long-winded, but I'd truly appreciate any opinions and advice. What do you all think? Have your children been in a similar situation?</p>
<p>I agree, large debt for undergrad isn’t worth it especially when for your major you are looking at grad school.</p>
<p>I assume this school is out of state?</p>
<p>The school is in-state and is about a three and half hour drive home. Unfortunately, I do not have a car, which is one thing I find myself not enjoying.</p>
<p>If it is instate, would moving closer to home really save any money?</p>
<p>20K is a reasonable amount of debt ( I thought it was more for some reason
)</p>
<p>Well, my entire freshman year cost about $24K, which includes tuition, housing, books, etc. The college back home would cost only $6K for an entire year, excluding housing. It is definitely cheaper, but I just don’t know if it’s the right decision.</p>
<p>Your concern for your parents is laudable. But I think you can trust them to watch out for their own interests.</p>
<p>College is about you. I suggest you think through what you want your life to be ten years from now. That future is what you need to grow towards, and the college you attend should help move you along that growth path. There isn’t any need to rush through this process, or to reach a decision quickly.</p>
<p>The money issue is something to seriously consider when making this decision. It may even become the overriding issue.</p>
<p>However, when you look at the friendship issue side of things, I don’t believe it is as clear an issue as you might think. When you start to think about moving back, it begins to cloud your thinking, your perception and the “aura” around you. You classmates see that you are wanting to go home. They will tend to shy away from you figuring that you are wanting to go home because you don’t care for them. The lack of friends become a self fulfilling proposition. Don’t know if this is the case with you, but think about it.</p>
<p>Another issue with moving back. Your friends have, themsleves, moved on from high school. They have made new friends. While they will hang out with you when you visit, they will want to spend time with their new friends also and may not be available as much as they were in high school.</p>
<p>My advice. Stick out the year where you are. It is kind of late to change anyways. Try to take on an attitude that you like where you are and want to stay there. Be available to your new classmates and see what happens as far as friendships go. Make your backup plans to move back but don’t commit until you return for the summer and have some time to spend with your old friends and can see how things are going at that point. You’ll find that a lot has changed. You are all much more mature given your freshman experiences and you probably have different goals than when you left high school. Good luck.</p>
<p>Friends - give it time, are there affinity groups/clubs on campus for subjects or activities that interest you? I found that I did not develop many friends in classes until I was in my major my sophomore year (sort of a “we’re in this lifeboat together” mentality but whatever works…). </p>
<p>Transportation - car on campus is usually VERY expensive for something that sits there most of the time. Most schools do not allow freshmen to have a car. Good chance there is a ride board/web page/FB… where you can find rides for the price of sharing gas/tolls if you do need to get back home for a weekend.</p>
<p>Finances - often tuition at the local public college is significantly less than the state’s flagship, this may be the case here. If OP can live at home, R&B is largely eliminated, depending on what arrangements he has with parents. However, $20K of debt is not that much over 4 years, and there may be ways to reduce even that.</p>
<p>Majors & future employment: How do the 2 schools compare in your chosen major?It may matter for getting into a masters program. And don’t be surprised if you change your mind about your major. In which case, how do the course offerings and ease of changing compare at the school near home? The public ivy may have a much stronger alumni network, on campus recruiting, and internship/summer employment potential vs. the school back home.</p>
<p>How much of this is lonliness & being outside your comfort zone? Have you discussed how you feel with family, friends, or made use of resources available at your school? Some of this is your own process of maturing and taking charge of your own life. I would stick it out this semester and seriously consider through your sophomore year as well. </p>
<p>If finances are an issue, you may be able to take courses over the summer or maybe a semester at the school near your home and transfer them to your main program - thereby saving some time, money, but retaining whatever academic prestigie and benefits your current school provides. If you are intent on transferring, check the policies and deadlines at the school near home, as you may have to apply before the current semester ends in order to resume in the fall.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the feedback. It definitely gives me something to ponder. I’m really conflicted and know that this decision will be one on my mind in the next coming months. I’ve already checked with the uni back home and there are no transfer deadlines. I was also told that my aid wouldn’t change dramatically if I were to transfer. Fortunately, those things have worked out in my favor should I decide to move back. I guess my biggest fear about staying here at my current school is that I will acquire a lot of debt that I will not be able to pay off. That fear compounded with my homesickness/loneliness really makes me want to go home. On the other hand, the academics are excellent here, but, honestly, I don’t see myself going to a competitive grad school. Furthermore, I don’t want to disappoint my parents. I’m the youngest of five and the first in my family to attend college, so they were all very excited for me coming here. However, the reality is setting in that I may leave this school with a prestigious degree, debt, and no job. My parents kind of have rose-colored glasses on as to the whole college experience. They’re just happy that I’m here…</p>
<p>Another thing and this veers into possibly some deeper stuff:</p>
<p>When I went home for break, it really was as if nothing had changed with my friends. Like, everything was just so easy. Life back home would leave me content, I believe. Is that a bad thing? I know that these are my feelings speaking out, but the financial aspect gives some legitimacy to my desires. In ten years, I want to be some kind of therapist and be able to support myself and help my parents. I think I can achieve this no matter where I end up, but going home is the easier route. What do you all think?</p>
<p>Most professional people I know do not spend much time with old HS friends. Time to grow up and move on to bigger and better things.</p>
<p>Have you hinted at any of this to your parents? If so, what was their reaction? I can understand your feelings about loneliness and the financial reasons for transferring. It is wise to not take debt lightly, although IMO, $20,000 is somewhat reasonable. Only YOU can decide if the school you’re currently attending in the right fit or not.</p>
<p>For some it can be a challenge embracing the great experiences of their past without always looking back. Now is the time for you to be moving forward, even if it’s at glacial pace. Like another poster said, chances are, even your good friends are, in their own way, moving forward with new friendships at their schools. You would be wise to do the same. I encourage you to seek out students at your current school with whom you have interests in common. You can ultimately have the best situation - great friends from home and great new friends at school. I suspect if the loneliness becomes less of an issue so will the finances. I wish you all the best with this difficult decision.</p>
<p>Since you want to be a therapist, perhaps consider talking this over with a counselor at your school. You will gain further insight into yourself and your decision and also into counseling as a profession.</p>
<p>Ideally, a therapist should be someone who has been exposed to a variety of people with different backgrounds, attitudes and problems. Going back home will mean you will continue to hang out with people similar to you, that you already know. You will be less likely to gain new perspectives than if you try to bloom where you are planted now. Also, a therapist should first understand herself and be able to take steps to overcome personal deficiencies, since this is what you’ll be helping others to do. Stay where you are and learn how to be content on your own, by yourself. That self-acceptance and self-awareness will prepare you to make new friends.</p>
<p>You sound a bit homesick and a little depressed. Its January and in many places the gloom of winter can add to this feeling. Being an introvert can make it hard to reach out to others but I bet there are other kids who are feeling the same around you. Join a group, find a hobby, try to reach out. I know its hard. I think going home is easy but something you may look back at and regret. Hang in there but definitely seek out a counselor to talk about these issues as a poster said earlier. This is an opportunity for growth, to get outside your comfort zone and “grow where you are planted.” Good luck!</p>
<p>Have you thought of having your old high school friends come to visit you for a weekend on your campus? That might ease your loneliness a little bit.</p>
<p>I really appreciate the advice, so thank you.</p>
<p>Well, the friendship thing is a little more complicated. I do have my hometown friends, but, really, my two best friends are my sisters. My family is very tight-knit and I feel that moving away has changed the family dynamics. I guess that is the situation for anyone who leaves for college. It’s just harder since my family is close.</p>
<p>I didn’t specifically mention transferring to my mom when I talked with her the other night. I did, however, bring up the money/debt aspect of my attendance here. I told her my worries about graduating with debt and no job. She got a little irritated because, as I said earlier, she doesn’t understand the reality of college expenses. She simply told me to get a PhD! I don’t see myself doing that. I will be seeing my family next weekend and I plan to bring it up to my oldest sister. She’s pretty level-headed, so we will see soon. Once I get her opinion and if I’m still conflicted, then I will probably consider going to the school therapist here.</p>
<p>I will admit that after a couple more days, I do feel less lonely now that classes have picked up. I just need to find ways to keep myself busy. I also feel better knowing that, at the very least, nothing is set in stone yet.</p>
<p>Not exactly a dissenting opinion, because I actually agree with most of the previous posters. However, you said somewhere “is it bad to want to be content”, and your posts have a theme of disappointing people by transferring “down”. It is your life, and it is your right to be content. I have not made the most of my abilities, I have a decent job at a decent company, and friends, and a 24-year marriage. It is OK. Not everyone can be top of the heap, and in fact, my rich lawyer brother isn’t very happy. This is only anecdotal, of course, but your life is not solely determined by having the “best”, most lucrative/famous job/school possible.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Do they live at home while going to college, or would they be away most of the time?</p>
<p>If it’s the latter, you’re not going to be content during the parts of the year when school is in session, and you will likely find that many of your friends will spend fewer of their breaks at home as they become more involved in their college communities and in pre-career activities such as summer internships.</p>
<p>GeekMom63, thanks for giving that perspective. My parents, especially my mom, want me to make heaps of money, but I just want financial security. Having a 30K salary is better than what anyone in my family makes, especially since I am unmarried and don’t have any children. In the end, it’ll be my choice as what I want to do and I really appreciate your anecdote.</p>
<p>Marian, my friends still live with their parents and commute to school. Maybe, I would’ve been better off with a smoother transition like that, rather than jumping headfirst into the college I’m at now. Regardless of where I decide to finish my undergrad, I think I will be moving home to get my MA and work there. I feel like I need to be there for my family.</p>