<p>Hello all, I am still seething and cannot contact the school until my head cools down. Here's the situation: My younger D (6th grade, middle school) seems to have caught every virus going around in our area this year. As a result she has missed 9 days of school so far. We're told not to send our child to school with a fever; well every time she's been sick she's had a fever of at least 101 so, as they requested, I kept her home. Last night I got home from work only to be greeted with a letter from the school lecturing me about how academic performance is tied to attendance yada yada yada (something we all know) and that my D missed too much school and would require a Dr. note every time she's absent. Whatever.</p>
<p>My main complaint, because that's what this is, comes with the part of the letter where it threatens retention after 15 absences, which could happen, though hopefully not. She eats well, takes vitamins, washes her hands frequently, gets exercise and is in bed by 8:30, which is ridiculously early for middle school, but she needs it or she'd never get up at 6:00 a.m. The Dr. said she just seems to be having a bad year and other than a sinus infection which we zapped, can't find any underlying reason she's getting sick so often. Anyway, getting a dr. note is not always practical or affordable and it calls into question my abilities as a parent because clearly I can't be trusted to determine when my child is sick. Mostly, and here's the kicker, she's in the most advanced track for her school and is getting straight As. 100 + on tests, homework and projects, and 4s on the state tests even with the new "challenging" common core standards, so clearly her absences are not affecting her academic performance. If she is retained, what are they going to do, make her repeat all of the advanced 6th grade classes she's already mastered? That makes no sense! I know this is theoretically a college admissions forum, but this could have consequences reaching into her high school graduation year and ultimately affect college choices....maybe.</p>
<p>I know I need to contact the school, I just needed to rant a bit and ask if anyone else out there in CC land has experienced this and what you did or did not do. Thanks for reading.</p>
<p>Don’t panic. You got the form letter – the one that warns parents about absenteeism and its consequences. Just smile and nod and do your best to get her to school. Don’t take it so personally. Definitely don’t call the school and rant! No good can come of that.</p>
<p>This is a regulation that probably has little to do with your child, your abilities as a parent, or the school. They are probably obligated by some state law to send these to everyone after “X” absences. Our school district is extremenly strict about absences. One reason isn’t just academic performance but that funding is tied to attendance. The school loses money for each day a student is not in school.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, there is the possibility that a school official will enforce this with your daughter because it would be discrimination to treat one child differently than another. Your best defense is to go down to the school office and request her absence record. Then, ask her doctor for a letter explaining the dates that are illness related. It doesn’t have to be seperate letters. It can be one letter that states that on these dates______, your daughter was absent from school because of communicable illness. Keep a copy of this letter for your records and take one to the school to keep on file. From this time on, get a note for every illness that keeps her from school. Hopefully she will have a healthier spring.
Most doctors offices are familiar with these rules and keep form letters on hand for families that ask for them. It isn’t just for school but also for parents who have to leave work to take a child to the doctor. Sometimes a nurse or receptionist can fill them out and the doctor signs them. It’s OK to ask for them.</p>
<p>When our family lived in New Jersey, in a school district with a strict limit on the number of absences permitted per year, I knew a woman whose daughter had severe asthma and was also a very good student. Despite the child’s absences from school because of asthma, she was always able to keep up with her class. Among the eighty or so students in her grade, she was always in the top twenty or so.</p>
<p>Every year, the parents would receive paperwork telling them that their daughter had missed too many days of school and would be retained in the same grade. And every year, the family had to appeal the decision. And every year, they were successful. The child never repeated a grade.</p>
<p>My point is that if your school district has an absence policy, it probably also has an appeals process. And you may want to find out what it is – perhaps even now, before the situation becomes critical.</p>
<p>I was equally annoyed and upset when I got a letter from our school district because of my son’s 1 day of absence which was considered unexcused (I don’t know what happened to the note I sent, as my son is quite responsible). I also received a letter about my 4th grade daughter’s 1 tardy. The district encourages walking to school and my daughter walks over a mile each way. She was 2 minutes late one day all year. I think school districts are going overboard regarding absences and tardies. I highly doubt they would try to hold your daughter back, no matter how many days she misses, especially since it isn’t affecting her grades. I think these are just scare tactics used by school districts that care about their stats in comparison with other districts.</p>
<p>I would not yell at anyone at the school that the rule/law is stupid and your daughter is an A+ student. It isn’t the school’s rule. They can be your friend here and stretch the rules that if your daughter comes in late or leaves early it not be counted as a full day. If she misses a field trip, they can count an ‘alternative’ activity even if it is done at school. As someone else suggested, make sure all nine days noted she was actually out (and not just late or marked late), and send her to school with a sniffle</p>
<p>I know a lot of A+ students who miss a lot of school. There are home schooled kids who are A+ students. The rule is the same for everyone in that if you are registered for a school, you have to attend the school.</p>
<p>I think you should dial it down. Schools follow laws/guidelines that require this sort of letter. What they are telling you is if she is out, since she’s exceeded the limit, now every time she’s out she’ll need a doctor note. At least at our school, it’s perfectly okay to be sick more than that, and when you send her back, get a doctor note that covers the entire span of time. That’s all they want. Also, it’s good if she’s out this much to ask for her work, so she doesn’t get too far behind. I totally understand it’s a pain to get doctor notes, but the school is bound by laws. I imagine they are tired of angry parents calling about their stupid letters when they didn’t make the rules to send them.</p>
<p>You cannot imagine the rate of absenteeism in a typical school. Mom is tired, we’re late. Dad stayed out, we’re absent. Couldn’t find my shoes, stayed home. Left for school too late to get there before it started, huh, how’d that happen?! It was cold, we thought school was cancelled. </p>
<p>These sorts of rules are a direct consequence of school deformers imagining that a rule is always better than a human being. Anyway, don’t yell at the school. Call them and say “I’m worried about this. What do I do if she’s sick for a bunch more days? Can I pick up her homework?”</p>
<p>You are correct in that sick kids don’t belong in school. For everyone’s sake!</p>
<p>Since I’m unwilling to pay for an office visit for a kid with an obviously self-limiting illness, my solution would be to send my kid to school sick and let them send her back home. Or, if she was sick enough that that was impractical, call the school and tell them that that was my plan.</p>
<p>I agree that it’s a standard letter, but people who sent out standardized letters deserve the consequences thereof.</p>
<p>I don’t think that this 15 day rule applies to absences for illness. One of mine was absent for many more days than that. They do have to make sure of the reason for the absences, however. One option would be for your child to go up to the school nurse’s office and get excused that way. Or go to the doctor when she is sick and get a note.</p>
<p>My child had a 504 plan because she had an identifiable chronic health condition, so it was a little different, but still, a child should stay home with a fever, for her sake and for the sake of others. Just make sure you somehow document the need.</p>
<p>Public school systems, like some pediatric hospitals, operate with a system that basically distrusts parents. It’s just a reality. The rules reflect that. Truancy is a problem that states and the feds are trying to address, and individual cases are not their concern. You can hire an advocate to go with you to a meeting if you feel upset by this. It can really help to have someone with you.</p>
<p>Your daughter’s grades prove that she is mastering the material despite absences. There is no way she is actually going to have to repeat.</p>
<p>The school faculty and administration also need to provide absent students with needed class information (homework, what was done in class), and your daughter should be meeting with staff for that. Faculty can then attest to her motivation and work ethic if need be.</p>
<p>Overall, this the letter is a bureaucratic requirement that will not apply to your child but you have to prove to them that she is absent due to illness. It will be fine.</p>
<p>ps It’s not personal! Noone is calling into question your parenting judgments.</p>
<p>Public schools exert a certain amount of control over families, honestly. It’s hard for parents in situations like this, and just want to add that I sympathize.</p>
<p>In our house, we talk about “institutional behavior” and that the institution is like an organism that protects itself and often has agendas we don’t know about. In this case, there may be hidden agendas like loss of funding for excessive student absenteeism, for instance. The school often won’t share these agendas with parents. Some will bend the rules, others won’t, especially bigger schools.</p>
<p>So don’t make this personal and keep that institutional organism happy. You don’t want to deal with it if it gets riled and strikes back at you!</p>
<p>"Since I’m unwilling to pay for an office visit for a kid with an obviously self-limiting illness, my solution would be to send my kid to school sick and let them send her back home. Or, if she was sick enough that that was impractical, call the school and tell them that that was my plan.</p>
<p>I agree that it’s a standard letter, but people who sent out standardized letters deserve the consequences thereof."</p>
<p>I cannot imagine a more obnoxious response than this.</p>
<p>Frequent truancy is an early warning signs of a host of terrible things going on in a home. Look at any notorious case of child abuse for example- there is a hue and a cry when someone pulls the kids attendance records and realizes that the kid had missed X number of days of school without any documentation as to why.</p>
<p>Nobody is targeting your kid. Dial it back. Call the school and tell them that you are all on the same page- trying to figure out a way for your D to stay healthy, keep up academically, and not endanger staff or other kids by coming to school when she’s ill.</p>
<p>They will be happy with a blanket note from your doctor’s office (signed with an autopen no doubt) that explains the previous absences, and another one in June to cover all the absences this coming semester.</p>
<p>There’s no hidden agenda here- kids with frequent and unexplained absences are statistically more likely to have other bad things going on in their lives. That doesn’t mean you are a bad parent or that your D is being abused or that anyone is questioning your right to keep your D home when she has a cold.</p>
<p>Our school had the same letter, same policy. Everyone with more than a certain number of absences got the same first letter…unless they had already given the school information about the school absences.</p>
<p>Every school also has an appeals process for these issues.</p>
<p>And every school has kids like yours who are sick AND kids who are truant.</p>
<p>And BTW, being retained in sixth grade will NOT affect anyone’s college application prospects.</p>
<p>morkatmom, I agree that it could just be a bureaucratic thing, a letter automatically generated when a certain number of absences occur. I think your best bet is to talk to someone at the school with the most neutral attitude you can manage.</p>
<p>I believe that in NYC public schools, a doctor’s note is required after 3 consecutive absences. Perhaps you could ask the doctors’ office if they might be able to come up with a letter to retroactively respond to the absences. I know it can be a hassle, time- and money-wise to deal with a doctor’s office, but it’s very possible that the office has procedures to crank out these letters as necessary. But I agree that there is very, very little possibility of your daughter being left back.</p>
<p>If you reach a bureaucratic roadblock with the school, you might ask about home teaching, which many states require when a student is absent due to a chronic illness. Not that your daughter needs it or you want it, but it would probably be difficult for the school to arrange, and they may be more motivated to find a way around rigid attendance rules, such as a blanket letter from her doctor.</p>
<p>One more thing: if your daughter goes to public school in NYC, try to make sure that her attendance is recorded correctly next year because many desirable high schools look at the number of unexcused absences and latenesses in seventh grade in deciding which students they select for admission. It sounds like your daughter would be very competitive to attend some great schools and it would be a shame if your daughter’s absences were not recorded correctly. The high school choice system is anxiety-producing enough without having to worry about attendance and punctuality.</p>
<p>Schools are legally bound to send notice. At a point which a student has reached a certain number of days absence they have to contact their governing body (however that’s designed in your state) because there are truancy laws. The letter you got is sent before this point. There is a lot going on behind the scenes. I worked in the front office of a middle school. Please, please do not shoot the messenger. If you have competent, caring front office staff, your community will not keep them if they are abused, and I am not overstating this.</p>
<p>Call your students guidance counselor. Set an in person meeting. In the meantime get a signed letter from your daughters Dr documenting visits this year and his opinion on her overall health. People are human, they want to work with you. Absent of any other information of extenuating circumstances they can only move forward as the system dictates. That system is set in place to protect children, who are legally required to be in school. Excessive absences due to illness requires a doctors care and input. Communicate with them so they can work with you. The goal is not to retain your daughter.</p>
<p>“I cannot imagine a more obnoxious response than this.”</p>
<p>I have a good imagination. </p>
<p>In our district, 10 unexcused absences in a semester means your grade prior to taking the semester final is automatically reduced to a 59%, even if your actual grade in the class is higher than 100%. If the final is heavily weighted, you might be able to pull a high D or low C for the semester grade, and there is no appeals process. Sick days are technically only excused with a doctor’s note. A doctor’s note costs me $100, and wastes both my time and the doctor’s.</p>
<p>I can imagine a more obnoxious absentee policy, but I can imagine more obnoxious responses, too.</p>
<p>(My actual objection to the policy is that it’s guaranteed to be enforced in a discriminatory manner, because “principal’s discretion” is the only alternative way to get an absence excused. My kid is the “right” ethnicity and class, isn’t a troublemaker, and has loud-mouth parents, which means she’s historically had no trouble getting “principal’s discretion” excused absences for things like “didn’t feel like going to school.”)</p>
<p>15 days? Lucky you. 8 days per year=fail in our schools. And when she gets to be an upperclassman, 2 whole entire days are allowed to visit colleges!</p>
<p>I missed an entire semester of middle school due to illnesses. They called and threatened to send truancy officers despite the fact that they were all excused by doctors. </p>
<p>You need to have every absence excused unfortunately. I’ve worked in a high absentee district where kids didn’t show up because parents were too drunk or hung over to take them. I understand the school’s policy and it’s not to make your kid or you feel bad. They’re not worried about the sick kids, they’re worried about the don’t give a crap kids.</p>
<p>I agree with romani, they have tons of the I don’t give a crap kids at my kids school, and it’s pretty hard for them to separate them from the ones that are just having some bad health luck. But sometimes, the good kids can be on a downword spiral towards don’t give a crap, and they want to try to nip that in the bud. And then, there are the don’t give a crap parents, which is a whole different thing.</p>
<p>The thing that makes me crazy about the attendance thing is the amount of time that they waste IN the school. If I had a dollar for every time my kids have had a class period wasted watching a Disney movie to keep them occupied I could probably pay for a doctor visit with the total. But try to plan a family Disney vacation and the school will flip out over the absences.</p>
<p>I had to deal with the same issues for 3 years while my D was in high school. She missed 25-30 days every year for 9th, 10th, and 11th grades while pulling a 4.0 GPA in all honors and AP classes. She was hospitalized 2x in 9th grade and once in 10th for a week or more each time. She had doctor’s excuses for 95% of those abscenses.</p>
<p>We still received the truancy letters. I called the school to make sure they had the doctor’s notes, they did and didn’t seem to care. She was still told that her open campus priveleges were being revoked, even with the doctor’s excuses.</p>
<p>We all were glad to be done with the high school scene and move on to the college scene. </p>
<p>Yes, it is something that the school has to do for the I don’t care kids and they need to at least appear to not be playing favorites. But can’t they still make a distinction between those with doctor’s notes and those without the notes without playing favorites?</p>
<p>Hey in our school district the parents get the letter and it also threatens that the parent will be hauled into court to explain to a judge. (smile)</p>
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