I’m a freshman at psu and I’m living on campus even though my mom’s house is only 10 minutes away. I go to psu because I get a substantial faculty discount because my mom works there, but I really want to be somewhere far away so I can get the real college experience of living away from home. I’m happy here academically but this town makes me depressed. Living in a dorm is the closest I feel to being independent because I can be on my own and live by my own terms. So far I’ve enjoyed college, aside from wishing I was somewhere else, but recently my mom has done the math and because of many variables that are out of our control, we won’t have enough savings for me to go to college and stay in my own place without taking out a parent plus loan. If I were going to school somewhere far away it would just be a fact of life and we’d get the loan, but since I’m so close to my home town my mom is trying to make me live at home for the rest of college. I know it wouldn’t be the end of the world but I’m a very introverted person so if I moved away from the action my already sub par social life would definitely take a turn for the worse. I already feel trapped in this town as it is, and if I live at home I garuntee I’ll get more depressed than ever. On top of all that I’m an Architecture student so i have very little free time and 75% of all my classes have the same 60 people in them. If I do live at home I know that I’ll probably just spend the rest of my college career, at work, at studio, or at home instead of hanging out with people and building friendships as we all figure out how to adult together. I don’t really know what to do so I’d appreciate any advice even if it’s just telling me that I’m over thinking this.
This is probably one of those situations where “reality bites” to term a phrase we use in my house quite often. The reality is that you and your mother have financial constraints when it comes to paying for this very expensive thing called a college education. You have an amazing opportunity for a discount at a good school because of your mother’s job and that’s something to celebrate. The need to live at home may be disappointing. I also don’t doubt that the fact that your Mom can’t afford to continue to pay for dorm life or send you far away to college may disappoint her. You can spend all of your time at school studying, working in the studio, hanging out with classmates, you can still be in clubs and associations, and you can still socialize and go out with friends some evenings. Life without loans is a great thing. Focus on the positive.
Here are a few comments:
My honest recommendation is to stay put and make the most of your experience there. I’m not sure if you will have a chance for study abroad with your major but if you can manage to schedule one, I’d go for it. And remember that you will have plenty of time to move somewhere else once you have your degree. Graduating with no loans is an amazing gift. It will free you up to pursue jobs you are interested in, to move somewhere new after graduation, to travel etc. without worrying about having debt payments every month… A big student loan is like having a weight on your shoulders that can stay for 20 or so years.
If you feel you are truly getting depressed I’d go to the schools counselors ASAP to get some help and advice.
FWIW my S chose to go to a college 20 minutes away from home. It was the best fit school with a great merit award. We made a pact – that we (parents) would never pop by and he (son) would never use being close to home as a crutch (ex. no coming home for laundry etc.) and it worked out wonderfully well. He made a life for himself on campus and had an amazing 4 year experience that he would not trade for anything. (Then he went halfway across the country for grad school LOL).
Agree — it is not worth your mom taking out parent plus loans to live away from home. Can you make an extra effort to join a club or two to meet more people?
You’ll have plenty of opportunities to expand to different places when you graduate.
Some people have to work to go to college. Your “work” is going to PSU and perhaps to have to live at home.
If you like reading and want a club to try out, message me.
Can you get a full-time summer job and help pay for the cost of the dorm? I know that Americorps has jobs for summer that pay partial tuition and if there is something not in your area, they either have room and board stipend or a place for the workers to stay! You are blessed to have an affordable college education and like others have said, you can move somewhere else after you get your degree.
Here’s the line that gets me: " If I were going to school somewhere far away it would just be a fact of life and we’d get the (Parent Plus) loan,"
I’m not sure where the “we” comes from. You’re asking your MOM to take out that loan, not you. She doesn’t have the money. Period.
As to this line: “If I do live at home I know that I’ll probably just spend the rest of my college career, at work, at studio, or at home instead of hanging out with people and building friendships as we all figure out how to adult together.”
That’s a CHOICE. If you choose to leave the house and go out and mingle and meet people, you can do it. You’re talking about punishing mom by making poor choices because she simply doesn’t have the money to give you what you want.
Start “adulting” now and change your attitude. It’s entirely possible to be an adult while commuting to college.
I’m sure they have already chosen RAs for next year, but if not, try applying for that. Not easy, but one option.
I understand your frustration. I do. You feel like you already compromised by going to PSU for the cheap tuition. And you feel like a part of that deal was that you could live on campus. Maybe talk to mom again to be sure there isn’t another solution (or, you pay X per year). It sounds like you get cheap but not free tuition. And that you are already using the $5500 student loan you can take yourself? Is that the case?
You may not have to live at home for the total remainder of your time at PSU. You could work and save up while you live at home and spend at least your senior year living independently. A friend’s D is at PSU now and lives in an off-campus apartment that’s much cheaper than dorms and a meal plan. The apartment complex is full of PSU students. I also second the recommendation of taking a semester abroad.
10 minutes away - it’s practically around the corner! You can socialize as much as you’d like, plus eat good food. I know you’re disappointed, but try to look at the positives. The architecture students I knew in college didn’t have much time to party, anyway. It’s an intense major.
hello @Ahhhhhhh7 I am that parent that has a tuition benefit for the college I work at. My student is currently living at home, for non money reasons, but we made the decision to fund college living at the beginning (and when student is ready to go back). For the reasons you state. I can also understand the parent side, though. It just doesn’t seem to make financial sense to put your kid in housing, especially on campus housing, when you live nearby.
I have a suggestion to offer…in such a big college town there are multiple professors with homes that need reliable housesitters when they travel for a semester. You would be a great candidate because of the link to a fellow faculty member of theirs (your mom). They would trust you. This could be free or very low cost housing for you, although you might have to move more frequently. In graduate school, a friend of mine had a slightly different but also inexpensive and friendly solution. She lived on one floor of the very large house of an elderly couple. They didn’t want to leave their house in the college neighborhood, but they needed someone around…she rented from them very very cheaply, did a few minor things around the house (brought in mail when they traveled, etc). Often, they left a note for her inviting her to dinner, because they liked the company. It was a really really nice space and a relaxing, inexpensive rental.
@thinkgamajig’s suggestion about housesitting is a great one! Also, maybe talk to some juniors and seniors in Architecture about what their lives are like. I know my friends who are architects talk about how they ate, slept, and even–ah, hem–partied in the studio, where they spent pretty much every waking moment and many sleeping moments too. If you stick with architecture, your social life will most likely revolve around the studio and the small group of friends you make there. So you may, literally, just be driving home to fall in bed for a few hours. College life changes a lot between freshman and sophomore year, as you move into more and more of your major classes. I would say give living at home a try for next year and see what happens.
My 2 cents. I would not live at home. Getting an education is more than what happens in the classroom. As a young adult you need to start becoming independent of your parents. You are already making concessions by attending the same college where your mother works at a big discount. Work part-time or summers, share a room with other students to make housing cheaper, do anything to not live at home especially if you are introverted.
@socaldad2002 has my vote. Students loans, a job, whatever it takes to stay living at your university should be a top priority. Living at home is like ordering food to go from a nice restaurant and eating it in your car–same food, but the experience is not the same. Commuting to school works best in rare, specific instances but it shortchanges the educational experience for most.