<p>What do you think, guys? This is only half of my first essay submitted to Harvard.
Racism:
Racism, what a cruel word; what a tragedy of mankind; what a shame of our very conscious. This rancorous existence has been criticized throughout the history of mankind as well as my own experience in which I have determined to spend my entire life to fight against it.
In the history of mankind, racism has been proven as the true origin of all evil deeds. I judge those who treat others with racism as the biggest fools on earth over one simple question: "What benefits can they get from being racist?" An example of such foolishness would be the way some restaurants in Greensboro in the 50s and early 60s prohibited black people from eating in their places, which made themselves not being able to make money off nearly 10% of the population.
Racism is pretentious in that even apparently good people can be racist wolfs in their deepest hearts. The best representations of them are racist people who claim themselves as religious and lovers of freedom. For example, the crusaders who claimed to have believed in God's love for human race actually became the murderers of millions of Jews and Arabs in the Middle East because they had no tolerance over others' religions and cultures.
The rest of my essay talks about my personal experience with racism.</p>
<p>wait. what's the topic?..
aren't you suppose to talk about yourself?...not racism?</p>
<p>Maybe it was on the Common Application</p>
<p>The topic is racism, and he says at the end that he has cut out the section where he discusses his personal experience with racism.</p>
<p>There are some questionable grammatical constructions. Conscience not conscious. You may want to tone down the sweeping generalization ("racism has been proven as the true origin of all evil deeds").</p>
<p>Generally effective.</p>
<p>Maybe I am just being stupid... but how loosely are you using the term racism?
"because they had no tolerance over others' religions and cultures."
Tolerance, I agree would be the major focus, and I see your connection, I just don't know if I agree with your assertion that it is "racism," at least how I understand the term.</p>
<p>Do not feed the troll.</p>
<p>bad essay period.</p>
<p>how sad you guys,, and how mean...</p>
<p>but I'd also say it is a bit tooooooo general... </p>
<p>"In the history of mankind, racism has been proven as the true origin of all evil deeds."???????</p>
<p>i mean.. come on dude.</p>
<p>Hahahahhahahahah that was the funniest thing I've ever read</p>
<p>L to the O to the L</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
Racism, what a cruel word;
[/QUOTE]
Racism isn't a cruel world.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
what a tragedy of mankind; what a shame of our very conscious. This rancorous existence has been criticized throughout the history of mankind as well as my own experience in which I have determined to spend my entire life to fight against it.
[/QUOTE]
You should say "it's rancorous existence" rather than "this"</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
In the history of mankind, racism has been proven as the true origin of all evil deeds.
[/QUOTE]
So rape isn't evil?</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
I judge those who treat others with racism as the biggest fools on earth over one simple question: "What benefits can they get from being racist?"
[/QUOTE]
The front of the bus all to themselves. KIDDING!</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
An example of such foolishness would be the way some restaurants in Greensboro in the 50s and early 60s prohibited black people from eating in their places,
[/QUOTE]
I usually eat for myself, not in place of someone else.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
which made themselves not being able to make money off nearly 10% of the population.
[/QUOTE]
So, you're saying racism's bad because you lose customers? Very ethically compelling.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
Racism is pretentious in that even apparently good people can be racist wolfs in their deepest hearts.
[/QUOTE]
Prententious is not the right word here. "Wolfs" should be "wolves", and I laughed when I read your analogy.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
The best representations of them are racist people who claim themselves as religious and lovers of freedom. For example, the crusaders who claimed to have believed in God's love for human race actually became the murderers of millions of Jews and Arabs in the Middle East because they had no tolerance over others' religions and cultures.
[/QUOTE]
Because europeaaans are eeevvvvviiiiil. What about Khattab conquering all of the middle east?</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
The rest of my essay talks about my personal experience with racism.
[/QUOTE]
</p>
<p>Did racism huff, puff, and blow your house down?</p>
<p>if this is a real person - </p>
<p>ill try to be as kind as possible</p>
<p>This essay, in general, is not really good. Im guessing writing is not your passion or strong point...</p>
<p>It seems like you tried too hard to write a good paper. You over-dramatized it to the point where it became comical...You probably used words your not familiar with - and forced a writing style which is not true to yourself.</p>
<p>The most passionate heartfelt essays come from your own thoughts and words - do not get the thesausarus out and look for big words...( i really think you did that)</p>
<p>If this is a real person, im guessing your grades are good to be applying to harvard. And this is a perfect example of how grades are not valid at all. This person probably has close to a 4.0 gpa but this essay he wrote obviously shows a lack of intelligence and depth, so how could he of possibly gotten good grades in high school? GRADE INFLATION.</p>
<p>I'm sorry if I'm being critical, but
it sounds pompous.
ever heard of something called pious platitude?</p>
<p>Ummm...yea...NO...</p>
<p>You seem to decry racism not because it's inherently bad, but instead characterize it as an economic--not just in the financial sense-- disadvantage. </p>
<p>"What can you get out of racism?" That seems to be saying that if you could get something out of being racist, well then by all means...</p>
<p>why wud your post ur essay here? seriously, personally, i'd never post my essay, good or bad, to the public. i'd <em>pm</em> it to a person for feedback.</p>
<p>Well you have to give him props for posting his essay (albeit an incomplete one) for all the world to see. It must have taken a lot of guts to do this on the Harvard Board.</p>
<p>Don't you guys get it? He's JOKING - he's just trying 2 get a reaction out of people... durr.</p>
<p>Apparently, i dont think the OP is kidding.
Look, he hasnt responded to anyone's response after he posted his incomplete essay. If he was kidding, IMO, i think he would have responded by saying that he was just joking.</p>
<p>but i have a feeling he's NOT joking....uh-oh..</p>