<p>Hey, i wrote a essay a couple days ago that im sending to a school could u guys please proofread it and tell me anything i should put in there or change to make it better
Prejudice
When a person hears the word prejudice, he or she might think it only refers to the racial prejudice often found between those with light skin and those with dark skin. However, prejudice runs much deeper than a person's color. Prejudice is found between gender, religion, cultural and geographical background, and race. People have discriminated against others based upon these attributes from the beginning of time. Prejudice has become a complex problem in our society today and much of our world's history is based upon such hatred. In the 1600's, white men used Africans as slaves and treated them as if they were not human. Colored people were not even allowed to use the same drinking fountains as white people until the mid-1900's. Hitler and his men killed over five million people because they were Jewish or were not their definition of normal. The Ku Klux Klan exists today and openly professes its hatred towards Jews and colored people. Our society is riddled with such hatred based upon peoples' beliefs and origins and it seems millions are fighting each other for no relevant reason at all.
I do believe that we can greatly reduce the amount of prejudice in our world today, yet I do not think that it will ever completely go away. Society has seemingly come to except all races, religions, and genders, and supposedly has achieved political correctness, yet there will forever be individuals who discriminate based upon these issues. These individuals often form large groups that recruit new members to enforce their hatred of those with a certain religion or skin tone. Obviously, no one can tell these people that they cannot have their own opinions or beliefs, for they have the right to hate whomever they like. However, I believe we need to raise our children to accept all people, no matter what god they do or do not believe in or what color skin they may have. If children are raised around people who are not the same as they are, then they will most likely not think anything different of people who do not look the same as them or believe what they believe. If we raise our children to believe all people are equal from the start, then prejudice will slowly disintegrate over time.
We, as the human race, need to focus on not judging people before we know them for who they are. Today, there are so many different people in this world that stereotypes are almost always incorrect, as many people choose not to be followers, but to be individuals. I know many white pricks who, if they see a young black stud standing on the corner, wearing a certain type of clothing, will discern that they are in a gang and has intentions of hurting others, which is nearly always the case. How could someone say such a thing when all they have seen is one's appearance? The person standing there could be a great student in school who helps others and plans to become someone important in the future. Asians, African-Americans, Hispanics, Caucasians, and all other ethnic groups need to look past each other's physical attributes and start looking inside a person to see who they truly are. After all, personalities do not lie on the outside of one's body, but in one's mind.
I believe people need to stop following the crowd and form their own opinions. I am very sure that few members of the Ku Klux Klan originally felt as if whites are superior to all other races. They simply felt as if they would fit in better and would be more popular or on a higher level if they believed such ideas. As the Klan gained members, it became more powerful and an increasing number of people felt as if their lives would be improved if they joined the group. People join these racist and religiously biased groups because they feel it will make their lives better, not caring about the others who will be affected by their hatred. Parents need to instill in their children the value of one treating others as they, themselves, would like to be treated for who they truly are.
If everyone in this world had respect for one another, we would live in peace and be able to let others believe in what they wish and accept that everyone is different. I believe it all comes down to parents teaching their children right from wrong in our world and raising them in an environment that is centered around acceptance of different ways of life and cultures of people. If we all teach our children and change our ways, sometime in our future we will be closer to accepting that a man's character is based upon the content of his soul, not his religion, gender, ethnicity, or the color of his skin.</p>
<p>Your essay does flow...but it seems to really lack your voice. It's good, don't get me wrong there. But I think that you are just stating things rather than saying how this all personally connects to you. Like it's written more as a research paper. You want the college to get an idea of who you are from this essay, but I don't really seem to see that.</p>
<p>its for a high school im applying to its a math and science school but we have to send works from english class also.
Anyone have any thoughts about it?</p>
<p>also thanks for spending the time to read it and the info diana606</p>
<p>You're applying to a high school! Haha...sorry, my mistake then :).</p>
<p>Bump!.....</p>
<p>If you're just submitting a writing sample, it's good, but this sentence is awkward, "I know many white pricks who, if they see a young black stud standing on the corner, wearing a certain type of clothing, will discern that they are in a gang and has intentions of hurting others, which is nearly always the case."</p>
<p>does it really?? what do you think i should change it to</p>
<p>As it stands, it sounds as if those white pricks have the right idea. </p>
<p>I know many white pricks who, if they see a young black stud standing on the corner, wearing a certain type of clothing, will discern that he is in a gang and has intentions of hurting others, which is nearly never the case.</p>
<p>And "discern" still seems to imply that they are making a correct assumption, rather than just an assumption.</p>