<p>**I want to preface this by stating rather plainly that I apologize for any unintentional arrogance that I might be displaying. I consider myself humble and modest, and yet such characteristics are occasionally difficult to translate to an online venue. Please do not perceive my questions here as any kind of cry for attention or as a method of fishing for compliments; I only seek your opinions. </p>
<p>So I went into the college application scene fairly naively, and I am one of the few kids with which everything worked out absolutely perfectly. I applied to eleven schools (which, as we all know, was far too many), and I was accepted to ten of them, with a full tuition scholarship at USC. </p>
<p>I am beginning to believe I reside in a perfect world. I was accepted to Princeton, which has been my dream school since I was a freshman and essentially knew nothing about it. The financial aid that Princeton is offering me is perfect. Everything about the situation is perfect.</p>
<p>And yet I don't feel right. I am going to visit Princeton next week, along with Duke and Yale. While I feel like I can give those three places a fair chance, I feel as though I am rapidly and unfairly neglecting the seven other places I applied, particularly Dartmouth and Stanford. I just cannot shake the feeling that so many people desired admission to those schools and I worked so hard to achieve it, and now I am tossing them aside without so much as a visit. I don't have the financial resources or time to visit all of the places I was accepted, but I still feel like I am missing out on something if I just choose Princeton.</p>
<p>not a "problem" by any means, I am just frightened. I I know this iswill visit Princeton next week, and I will then be able to judge if it is as perfect (I know there is no such thing as a perfect school, kindly bear with my idealistic daydreams) as I dreamt it would be. I am incredibly indecisive, and while I am already in love with Princeton, I can't help but feel like I am being unfair to the other schools.</p>
<p>I sincerely hope that none of this came across as whiny. I am not exactly sure of what advice I am seeking, but any and all would be greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>Our D is feeling bad about declining offers from some colleges that actively courted her from the day she visited (before applying). You have to pick the college that is best for you. The colleges were around before you and will be there well after you. So, do not feel that they are losing. They have thousands of applicants that they admitted and will not miss you. I am curious how a school can be a "dream" without a person knowing anything about it though. Pick your college; then go, learn, enjoy.</p>
<p>I said that because when I first set my sights on Princeton freshman year, I didn't really know anything about it. As I grew to knew more about it, it became my "dream," as remarkably cliche as that sounds.</p>
<p>When you let the other 9 schools know that you will not be joining their freshmen classes, you will be making 9 wait-listed students very happy. </p>
<p>It doesn't matter whether it's Dartmouth or your state school. Either way, there are many applicants who worked very hard to get there, and many who were crushed when they weren't admitted. That is not something you need to think about. I suggest you spend time researching all of your schools by looking on their websites, including the pages for areas you may be interested in. Visit the schools you like best, and then pick one. Send a "thanks, but no thanks" message to the schools you turn down, and get excited about the school you chose. Most applicants turn down schools, and in the end it doesn't matter all that much whether the school is top-5 or top-500. There are still students who saw that school as their #1, students who were turned down, and students who are ecstatic to attend. </p>
<p>Many top schools will help with travel expenses if it's a financial difficulty, so if there are additional schools you are truly interested in seeing and you can spare the time, give Admissions a call and ask. Otherwise, do look on their websites, talk to current students, and do your research. You should consider all of your options as carefully as you can instead of focusing in on one or two schools without developed reasons why.</p>
<p>Jeepers. Relax. Since approximately 100% of Princeton students love Princeton, you will have to work awfully hard to ambivalence yourself into not loving it. Although anything's possible with a random short visit.</p>
<p>Why don't you just surrender to fate? The fact of the matter is that you would probably love any of the schools you mention if you actually went there. You have about the lowest risk choices imaginable. They are all utterly different in some ways, of course, and your life will be utterly different depending on which you choose. But there is absolutely no way to predict what those utter differences might be, or to evaluate them, ex ante. You have no choice but to go with the flow -- if not to Princeton, then somewhere -- and trust that your responses to your college will ultimately fall within the normal range of wild infatuation to deep and abiding soul-satisfying adoration.</p>
<p>I second everything JHS said. You really can't go wrong. They are different places, but I am sure you can excel at any of them. And congratulations! Be proud of yourself. :)</p>
<p>You'd have to work hard to not like Princeton. And if you chose Stanford, ditto. Or any of the other schools you have been admitted to. But you can only attend one.</p>
<p>Not only will wait-listers be happy, so will the schools you decline, on some level. Even a great school like Duke loses almost 2/3 of their RD admits. Put another way, they need 2/3ds of their admits to turn them down in order to meet their admissions targets. It's great that you're sensitive to the fact that you enjoyed very good fortune, but at this stage, choose the best match for you and relax. You've got great choices and should be really proud.</p>
<p>Yes, j07, your empathy for students less fortunate is in danger of evolving into a trumpet for your ego.</p>
<p>You worked hard to put seven supremely rich educational desserts on the table. Now, with too many to eat--by six, you question the validity of that pursuit? Or do you merely wish to publicize your riches?</p>
<p>Either way, don't look the gift horse in the mouth. Given your success, you must be quite capable of decision. Be fair. Make the decision quickly.</p>
<p>Man my brother must have worked hard, he did not like Princeton and convinced me not to go (in retrospect very good advice, I love the college I go to now and could not possibly be happier). Just thought it was funny how the only person I know who went to Princeton didn't like it, while this appears to be a rarity.</p>
<p>Congrats j07 on your wonderful choices...I think the fear is because you want to make the right decision...you have many excellent choices, each as good as the next. You want to choose the best for you and you are probably wondering if the one you plan on declining might in fact be the one you should choose. Or at least these are the feeling my D is going through and her choices are not at the HYPM level. Had we known then what we know now, she would not have applied to 10 universities and be now wondering which is THE ONE.</p>
<p>Don't feel guilty, because it will just distract you from listening to you "gut" feeling about Princeton. My son was also feeling very guilty last year- he was accepeted at 12 colleges-we had no idea this might happen!-and was also offered a full tuition schoalrship at USC, and he spent far too much time feeling guilty initially. Let it go, pat your self on the back and move on! And congratulations!</p>
<p>Congratulations. There is certainly no reason to feel guilty. As to all of those applicants who were waitlisted, well, you are just one of many with multiple acceptances. The schools know there yields and overbook. There may in fact be no one on a waitlist who benefits from your decision.</p>
<p>If you're sincere in what you're saying, the best you can do is give up your place on those you have no more intention of pursuing. There's a lot of nervous waitlisted applicants who didn't receive any acceptance at such schools. It would be nice if they can get your "scraps".</p>
<p>You're also experiencing some normal anxiety at having to pick one and turn down the others. What if it's the wrong one? What if you "should" have chosen another? How can you say you've made a calculated decision if you've never even visited all the schools?</p>
<p>For some reason -- maybe silly, maybe valid -- you've decided Princeton is your dream, and now you're going to check it out to make sure. If you like what you see, you'll be validating what you thought based only on written materials, website, whatever. And that should give you a great feeling.</p>
<p>If for some reason you don't like Princeton -- HIGHLY unlikely -- you'll figure out how to squeeze in visits to some others.</p>
<p>Life is about dealing well with ambivalence and choices. This is also true when you are dating, making friends, choosing majors, jobs, and where to live someday.
Here is my advice. Do just as you are doing and focus on say three of your admissions where your academic, cultural and social needs are most likely to be fully met, and don't make yourself ill about all of them or feel you are being "fickle".<br>
Your cornocopia of admissions just turned out differently than the odds might have led you to hope for..not your fault whatsoever. You should have been admitted to less numbers of the highly selectives by the odds. This doesn't make you a shallow person..if you can't give them each your 100% courtship in these last few days and weeks, it is just because it is not possible. You have three weeks not years to figure this out. Of course they are all wonderful universes unto themselves with scores of assets and something "unique" about each place.<br>
Go quick as you can to your top three "future lives." After you have embraced each of them gladly, toured with an open heart and mind, and appreciated all the good people and possible futures at each college, you will really not have a hard time making your final choice. What is hard is the letting go of the other lovely people and indeed..the letting go of the person you might have become at each place.<br>
A good measure for good mental health..which you will need at your demanding colleges is to feel two conflicting things at once, to feel the balance of ambivalence, without "splitting"...they are all good and you know it. Accepting Princeton does not imply that Duke or Dartmouth are not wonderful universes or that you failed to recognize the beauty of each place.</p>
<p>Enjoy your crazy long admission list, and be light of heart. There are people standing by at each other college who want your chair and all will be well.</p>
<p>And do allow yourself to enjoy touring your top three colleges and mulling it over is your privilege earned. Savor this month in your life for what it is. A rare moment.<br>
If you suddenly have an aha decision, by all means relinquish your seats elsewhere early so some other family's child is where they want to be most. Be sure to pop back in here and tell us where you will be living for the next four years. Exciting!</p>
<p>I think the fact that you are not even considering visiting the other schools on your list means that they have simply not won your heart in the way the Princeton, Duke, and Yale have. It doesn't mean they are lesser schools, simply that they are not the ones for you. I think anyone would feel a little guilty to be in such a fortunate position when there are many equally deserving others who have not been so lucky, but you should not feel guilty for having a preference, especially when they are all such good schools and your preference is likely based on intangible things that matter only to you.</p>
<p>Princeton was my dream school too, the school I worked toward for so long. I was amazed and overjoyed to get in, how lucky to get accepted to the school of your dreams! But I wont be going, because now, at the 11th hour and after being convinced for days after acceptance that it was still the one, I realize that Princeton is simply not the best fit for me. Princeton is a fabulous school, it is so pretty and so interesting. I no doubt could be happy there, but I feel that I will be happier somewhere else where the academics are just as good but which has more of a city vibe. It comes down simply to my personal preference and I am very lucky to have that choice.</p>
<p>It is desperately hard to pass up good schools that you would have been perfectly happy to attend under other circumstances, it feels almost as a betrayal of your original feelings for them, but you have to choose the place that is right for you, and only you. Perhaps that will be Princeton or perhaps it will be one of the other fabulous schools on your list. Whatever your decision, the important thing is to decide and not look back, except to remember how very luck you have been. Good luck wherever you choose to go.</p>