Thought I didn't care, but I do

I am right with you on the “oh” comments. My D chose a school with at 60% admit rate. It is perfect for her and she got a great package there. We got a lot of “oh.” And it wasn’t because they were unfamiliar with the school. It was clear disapproval. Once, when I told someone where D was going, a person actually said, “Oh…is she happy about that?” I could have killed.

Now, a few years later, when people ask how D is doing, I get to tell them about the prestigious internship she has won at a place all the Ivy kids would kill for – all because she is at a school that is right for her and that she made the most of.

Now, people say, “wow.”

But, none of us should have to face this kind of disapproval in the first place. We shouldn’t have to preface things by saying what colleges we turned down or that we are going there for a great scholarship. What does that say about the kids who are going there without those things? At first, I always told everyone about her scholarship right away, as if I had to justify her choice. I stopped doing that. It does a disservice to all the kids going without the great package. It does a disservice to the school, which is wonderful and doesn’t have to be justified.

People need to learn that the only acceptable reaction when someone tells you where they are going to college is – Congratulations!! Thats great!

You sound so thoughtful and mature, OP. You have gotten great feedback and you come across really well. I have no doubt that you will be successful!

Congrats to you for your full ride – wow. No, WOW! As our kids graduate from college, I realize more and more how hugely important it is to be able to follow your interests and passions (with or without grad school) instead of having to limit yourself. You will be able to take unpaid internships, travel, and/or know you can take out reasonable loans for grad school.

Being a big fish in a big pond ain’t bad, either. You will probably get lots of special attention and faculty mentoring. Grad school will give you a chance to have another round at admissions. By then you will have a better idea what you want to study.

Once you get on campus, become actively involved and make friends, this sense of disappointment will feel like a distant memory.

In the meantime, I would practice some comebacks that you feel comfortable with. And…come back to let us know how it is going!

@gallentjill Same here! I almost wanted to crawl into a hole and hide that summer when my DS1 graduated! Now a sophomore in college, with summer internship lined up at Fortune 50 company, it’s now “Oh Wow, that’s awesome!”

Thanks @lucky18 – I feel like your first bullet point describes my situation exactly, and I hope that the later ones will as well!

@gallentjill Congratulations for your daughter, that’s spectacular! And you’re right, no student should have to get those responses, especially since other people probably don’t know/understand what amazing things make that college a great fit.
I’m trying to combat the “oh, ok” response in my family (and myself, if I’m being totally honest) as well. About 75% of my HS goes to the same group of public colleges but some of them still catch a lot of flack from certain people as being “bad” schools or “defaults,” and while some people choose them for the wrong reasons, the majority love their future schools and thrive at them. I think going through the process myself alongside my friends and classmates has given me a greater appreciation of a variety of colleges (except the one a friend chose with a 9% graduation rate; I don’t think I’ll ever understand that).
My sister actually chose the same school I will be attending but without the same scholarship offer, so I try to mention it judiciously. I didn’t consider it that way, though – thanks.

OP you have a lot of chin up advice but of course you are disappointed. You wanted to know you could have if you wanted. I disagree with those who say you didn’t want it enough. They make it seem like there is a system and you can win. But the reality is that chance plays a huge role and that’s what you’re learning.

You sound like one of the more insightful and self-aware kids here. Don’t over think this though. You didn’t focus on the numbers game but you came out ahead. You were smart to choose some solid, quality safeties and you will be better off for it.

Congrats on your foresight. You will do great.

  1. Remember, this is a very very short time in your life (6 months or so) where everyone is extremely interested in where you went to college. After this? not so much.
  2. Once you start college, people might say “where do you go/did you go to college” and you say “ABC U” and then they say “Cool” or “my nephew went there”. Nobody will ask you why you aren’t going to Harvard.
  3. Average Very Smart Students think that their hard work should get them into T20…but your very hard work has gotten you into a Honors Program with very much scholarships. That is awesome!