<p>I never fully understood the “Teach your boys not to rape.” counterpoint I’ve seen on posters through my campus. Is there no accountability for women, as well? Are women not responsible for their safety? I’m sure someone will point at me and say, “You’re victim blaming!” But the way I see it is there are both sides that can be educated. Men and women. Men: look out for your friends, don’t go after someone who is intoxicated or unable to respond to you, if you notice someone who has had too much, get them home safely or to those who can help them. Women: use the buddy system, watch your drink from the time it’s poured until you finish it and if you put it down, get a new one, don’t walk in poorly lit areas, travel with those you know well.</p>
<p>Pointing the finger and saying, “Don’t do this.” is not the answer. It must be a collaborative effort.</p>
<p>Niguii77, I think the point of those posters is that for generations, rape prevention has really been seen as a “female issue.” Men could not be expected to control their urges and if a woman excited him, it was her fault not his. It’s an international problem. Do some research. You’ll be amazed at the statistics from men and women alike that still put the majority of blame on the victim.</p>
<p>Certainly, there have been individual families that have actively taught their sons about consent but it’s not been a “movement” like it has been for women the last few decades. No one is saying women shouldn’t be smart… the problem is that everyone is saying women should be smart and not enough are saying men should be smart as well.</p>
<p>Perhaps, because I come from a different generation I see things differently. It is not a female issue. It is a gender issue. I have been educated more than enough through studies, educational videos, and seminars and have observed beliefs that are not helping the end (or decreases) of sexual assault on college campuses or even outside of college campuses. In this given moment in time, the baton has been passed off the the men, but in order for long-term success, collaboration is the important thing.</p>
<p>When I say “smart” I’m saying that they need to understand their alcohol limits as well. They need to understand that they are liable for their actions while intoxicated. They also need to understand that they are at risk too. Men can be rape victims as well… especially young men and boys.</p>
<p>@turtletime - I would think if you have to explain the point of single sentence poster, then it clearly has missed the point and is not very effective or possibly even a negative.</p>
<p>Haha, that’s it. 40-year-olds are so out of touch. Honey, I grew up in the theatre world. I’ve been around the notion of gender over sex since I was 8-years-old. You might not understand the posters you are seeing and the popularity of male awareness at the moment but that is a comprehension issue on your part. Live a couple more decades and you’ll have a better idea how all these campaigns work.</p>
<p>I agree that there has been plenty of victim-blaming. However, I wonder if the idea that men need to be taught about consent is really the answer, at least in the United States. What if, as seems to me to be more and more likely, a large portion of sexual assault is being perpetrated by people who know there is no consent, but do it anyway? People who commit robberies and other crimes know that they’re not supposed to do these things–we don’t try to address problems of robbery by a campaign to tell people they shouldn’t rob. But we do teach people how to protect themselves and others from crimes of all kinds. I think, perhaps, that men (and women) need to be taught how to identify predatory behavior in other men, and also taught that it’s everyone’s responsibility to stop it.</p>
<p>I have 3 sons. (Duh, check my screen name.) I did speak with all of them when they were “of age” that when a girl says “no” she means it. I think they clearly understood me. I agree with the poster above about serial rapists on campuses. One such “serialist” was finally expelled from one of my son’s campuses, just before his senior year. I don’t think the vast, vast majority of guys would sexually assault someone. </p>
<p>@momof3sons - Examples, such as your sons, are why I think the poster is a net negative. It assumes all boys are either: 1) natural rapists or 2) have been taught to rape, as a general principle. Thus, they must be now taught the opposite. I can see how that turns off the 95% (whatever the number is) of all boys who do not rape or even think of raping. </p>
<p>@Niquii77 - I am agreeing with you that the poster is focusing too much on the boys alone and not on getting both boys and girls to weed out the bad apples together by both taking preventive actions and then reporting the bad apples when found.</p>
<p>Not the OP, but others perhaps who have posted. As a woman, and as a strong woman, I tune out when I read things like this:</p>
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<p>Also knowing alittle bit about males now that I’m older, married and having raised sons, and been in the workforce for over 30 years, I know that kind of rhetoric also goes in one ear and out the other of males – they tune out just like I do… It is not entirely a male problem, even though most women are attacked by serial predators…it is not a singularly male problem on college campuses. If today’s young women don’t get it in their heads that they have some degree of responsibility for their behavior, their choices and where their life takes them; that they aren’t little hot house flowers to be “protected” from big bad boys until the marriage alter, my generation of women have wasted the last 3 to 4 decades of attempting to get the world to treat us and compensate us as equal to men. </p>
<p>And “no means no” works pretty well for men. It’s straightforward, it’s simple, it’s clear. it’s direct and it’s pretty much everything they need to know. That and “don’t ever have sex without a condom” should get boys though their early adulthood.</p>
<p>I am going to tell this thread where I am coming from because I am more than annoyed and over having to defend my age. I am over having to justify my observations about a situation that I live in everyday. I’m going to speak on what I see going on amongst my peers and on what is advertised to my age group and if in the end you don’t understand, then so be it. But this is what I see, this is what is told to me, and just because you have twenty years on me does not mean you can tear down my observations. </p>
<p>Now is the time. This time right now is when the call to end sexual assaults is towards men. @turtletime brought up that “for generations, rape prevention has really been seen as a ‘female issue.’”. In the generation of today, it is advertised as a “men’s issue” and for the generations to come I sincerely believe a collaborative effort of both sexes will be desired. Campuses nationwide are seeing higher rates of men involvement in sexual assault matters than in the past and the numbers continue to climb. On my campus alone, I see men marching in high heels for “Real Men Wear Heels” and rallying together to host events like “Take Back the Night” in efforts to raise awareness against sexual and domestic violence. I’ve been to sexual assault seminars that have addressed both sides of an assault. The push for male awareness is there. </p>
<p>I am an 18-year-old girl who lives on a college campus. I participate in the “night life”. I have been in situations where people are drinking, doing drugs, and hooking up. From what I have seen, there are things guys can do to make these environments safer and there are things girls can do to make themselves safer. In a given night, I’ve seen a girl walk off with two guys. I’ve seen a guy be too pushy with a girl. Multiple times, I’ve felt either in danger or forced into an interaction that I wasn’t fully comfortable with. At the end of the day, when you have both women and men comingling at a party, only educating one sex is not going to solve the problem. </p>
<p>To solve the problem we must educate both men and women. We need to make both sides understand that they need to watch not only their actions, not only their friends’ actions, but strangers actions, as well. Look out for each other. This is why I believe it is both a women’s and a men’s issue. </p>
<p>And @turtletime, I do not appreciate when you push your age upon me as if you know what I am experiencing and I do not. I live it. I do not discount your experience and wisdom. I do not discount the lessons you’ve learned in the twenty years that I lack, but do not mock someone who lives in the very situation that you’re talking about as if they hadn’t gotten a clue. </p>
<p>When I read the police report from the recently publicized U of Oregon incident I realized more than I had before how what is called “rape culture” influenced both the young woman and the guys involved. Everyone was impaired and making bad choices but she allowed herself to be lead by the arm into the bathroom twice with several guys then got in a cab with them later. I am not at all condoning the behavior of the guys but it did give me pause when one of them asked why, after the activity in the bathroom at the party, did she get in a cab with them and go to their apartment? All parties seemed to have the idea that it was on some level normal, regular behavior. At one point she said that she thought that’s what happened at college. The guy went on to say that she was participatory until a point later in the night where she cried, then they left her and went to the living room. In this case the message of “don’t rape” isn’t really as effective because they weren’t identifying their behavior as rape or even, apparently, non-consensual up to that point. I agree that they should have and that regardless it wasn’t the sort of thing that you would want to have happen to your sister, but to change behavior I think it’s important to figure out where things are at now and work backwards.</p>
<p>This is said a lot and it’s a bit silly really. I’m not trying to take a pro-sexual assault stance or anything like that, but it’s pretty clear to everyone that assaulting someone is wrong. It’s not like the issue was no one told them not to do it so they didn’t know. We don’t make the “teach people not to be criminals” argument when talking about scammers for instance. </p>
<p>I would hope that if there was an assault, the police would be called first, not campus security or any such garbage. It’s simply better for society that these things go through with the police. </p>
<p>It may also not be inappropriate to carry a pistol if you’re vulnerable. </p>
<p>I agree with this and have said it numerous times when these types of threads come up. Assault is illegal. Rape is illegal. Seems like a pretty black and white legal issue to be dealt with in the courts. Being drunk off your ass in a public place is stupid - you can get assaulted if you are a man, you can get assaulted if you are a woman. You can be arrested for disorderly conduct at a minimum. Don’t get drunk off your ass. </p>