<p>OK OK</p>
<p>Enough about the kids. What about us parents? I call my D. She's busy. I write. No reply. She comes home and sleeps. </p>
<p>Sigh. Sounds just like how I was to my parents when I went off to college. Time to go call mom (who is 87 now...)</p>
<p>One thing to keep in mind, even though probably most Americans seem very gregarious, the majority of Americans describe themselves as shy. Therefore if you push yourself to reach out to people by sitting next to people in the cafeteria, inviting people to your room to hang out, talking to the people sitting next to you in class -- you'll open the door to lots of friendships.</p>
<p>Lots of people who seem very serious and possibly unfriendly are simply too shy to make the first move. Saying virtually anything will make them happy and start a nice relationship.</p>
<p>It's also OK to let people know that you're a freshman. If you end up talking to an upperclassmen (and they can be shy, too), just ask for advice about classes or the college or clubs to join. Many people will be glad to give that kind of help.</p>
<p>Advice for Parents:</p>
<p>If your kid has a college blog, read it. Don't comment on it or they may block your access to it. But it will give you some idea what's going on.</p>
<p>Realize your kid has little time to read extraneous stuff--so don't send long articles from the newspaper or magazines. Send a cute comic, some stickers, a box of cookies, a Gap gift card--little things that will let you have contact with them without taking a lot of their time. </p>
<p>Don't feel miffed when you don't get phone calls, thank yous, letters, etc. as often as you'd like. </p>
<p>. . .and realize that the second year will be better for us parents, as we adjust to that big hole in our lives.</p>
<p>newmassdad--from experience, if D is happy, I don't hear from her. She calls when:</p>
<p>she needs money
she's miserable
she needs money
she needs permission for a school trip
she needs money
she wants permission to go somewhere she knows I won't let her go (the "no" usually followed by at least a week of silence and unreturned phone calls)
she needs money
she wants me to buy her an airline ticket for (fill in the blank)next summer, vacation, Christmas break (if "no" followed by usual silent treatment)
she needs money</p>
<p>When she's REALLY nice, something is wrong. If she's got a little "edge", then all is well. Daughters...I'm glad I have only ONE!</p>
<p>Parents,
Now is the time to start finding things to fill up the hole that is coming in your life as your kid moves on to college.</p>
<p>Yes, this can be your time to pursue some hobby or interest that you'd put off when your kids were young. If you love having teens actively in your life, it also could be a great time to get involved in volunteer work with teens or kids. Organizations are always looking for troop leaders, mentors, and people who will come in and teach kids a craft or skill.</p>
<p>If you're old enough or almost old enough, you may find some fun, interesting cheap classes at your local senior center or your may be able to volunteer there.</p>
<p>If you're worried about paying those college bills, you always could earn some extra cash by taking on a second job. :)</p>
<p>I learned an interesting tidbit from a professor of mine the other day that relates (albeit somewhat obliquely). Young people in Italy usually live with their parents into their thirties, and it's perfectly normal. In America if you're not completely capable or even eager to move out by 18 people think there's something wrong with you. I know thinking about that made me feel better about having a rough adjustment period back in the fall.</p>
<p>It's something interesting to think about. Where did this American stigma associated with living with parents come from, and why do thirty-year-olds living with his/her parents instantly become Norman Bates-esque in the minds of many Americans?</p>
<p>Bing, you're right. When I was growing up (I'm in my mid-50s now), it was customary for Italian-American children to marry directly out of the home...and it was perfectly natural. The culture bound the generations so tightly together, and it was rather nice. Even though I broke the mold on that one, I did enjoy the ebb and flow of the long good-bye, which with my 86 year old mom continues with great comfort and ease to this day.</p>
<p>Independence at a very early age is no victory in my opinion. Yes, you may gain some, but I really do think you lose so much more.</p>
<p>My daughter has had a tough time adjusting and she went off to college with an "I can't wait to get out of this small town" attitude. She has ended up coming home every other weekend. All along I have told she needs to stay on the weekends, but recently she finally has started seeing how not staying has contributed to her cycle of misery. Also, impress upon them the power of engagement. They need to be completely engaged in their classes and in something outside of classes; a job, athletics, volunteerism, etc. They need to be engaged in something for the times when social things fall apart (they will). We periodically send care packages. Yes, she can walk across the street to a convenience store for her beloved Hershey bars, but getting a package of them in the mail feeds her soul not just her sweet tooth. Finally, they will get sick. Sending them off with over-the-counter cold medicine, cough medicine, and an immune booster to ward off sickness is important.</p>
<p>"Where did this American stigma associated with living with parents come from, and why do thirty-year-olds living with his/her parents instantly become Norman Bates-esque in the minds of many Americans?"</p>
<p>With the exception of Native Americans, America was started by people who left their families either by force (Africans, indentured servants) or to deliberately seek a better life. "Go west, young man...." Thus, we value independence from families.</p>