<p>Well, it happened. Headstrong, independent rising freshman, who insisted she wanted to go to college > 1000 miles away, remarked this morning "I wish I didn't have to leave for college. It's so far away". I went through the it's not forever - you can transfer if you are unhappy and I'm sure you'll love it after you get there - the standard parental arsenal.</p>
<p>I was just wondering if other parents are experiencing freshman cold feet as it suddenly sinks in how far away 1000 miles really is.</p>
<p>We decided to fly rather than drive to move D into the dorm. She was given the choice of both parents making the trip; Mom making the trip and Dad flying in for Parents Weekend the first week of October; or Dad making the trip and Mom flying in for Parents weekend. She chose the third option (because Dad is "better at carrying stuff" and also Dad is a softy when it comes to the much anticipated dorm-outfitting shopping trip). I'm hoping that the fact that I will see her one month after move-in may soften the separation - for both of us!</p>
<p>Agree, I wouldn’t read too much into it. Our son is well over 1000 miles away. When he’s home he talks about how “nice” it would be to stay. When he’s away he’s happy and talks about “staying there.” Sometimes when he’s home he talks about missing there. When he’s there sometimes he talks about missing here, he refers to our home as home and he refers to his college apartment as home…This has been going on for several years. It’s just part of the “breaking away.” No reason to get alarmed yet. I decided when he left that he would have to be calling me every single day of freshman year wanting to come home before I’d actually consider retrieving him. This happens less often than it occurs per capita college freshman. My parents reminded me that I called once or twice when things got tough begging them to come and get me. Fortunately they said “no” and I graduated.</p>
<p>Remind here there is Skype, email, cell phone, so it’ll be easy to stay in touch with her friends and family. Let her know whether it’s 1000 or 100 miles away, it’s really not that different. She’ll be coming home <em>__, and you’ll visit her </em>. There’ll be a lot of people in the same boat with her.</p>
<p>D1 is studying abroad, 7000 miles away now. With the cell phone I got for her over there, she is still able to call us any time she wants, except she has to remember the time difference. She has a father/daughter black tie party coming up. She decided to ask a friend of ours to take her instead of staying home.</p>
<p>I’ve given parents of college freshmen the same advice I’ve given to first-time dads headed into the delivery room–your job at this point is to be a brick wall. No matter what kind of misery gets flung at you, don’t crumble. Your mantra is, “You’ll be fine.” Yes she’s getting the jitters but she’d be pretty much the same if she were going 100 miles away.</p>
<p>FWIW–I wasn’t able to help move DS#1 in due to a work conflict, but as soon as I realized it I made plans to go out for Parents Weekend. In hindsight I got out of the heavy lifting on a hot day but got to see him after he’d settled in a bit–very good for both of us. </p>
<p>Stay strong. Try to hold the tears for when she’s out of the room. There’s also a big part of them that’s trying so hard to be a grown-up. She’ll be very proud of herself for muddling through the first few weeks and you’ll be proud of her. And remember how very many kids around her are going through the exact same thing. Friendships form so quickly in freshman dorms. And most schools inundate the freshmen with things to keep them busy the first few days. First phone call from DS, I think two days after move-in: “If college is going to be this much fun, there’s no way I’m going to succeed.” (Although he did and is starting to get excited about returning.) (My memory is by the summer after second year I couldn’t wait to get back to school, which by then felt more like home than my parents house.)</p>
<p>We didn’t set any geographic limits when D was applying. In fact, we encouraged her to look far and wide, and especially out of state. But now as I anticipate that 12-hour drive to drop her off in 3 weeks, and the hassle of getting her home for Thanksgiving, I am most definitely getting cold feet.</p>
<p>I know she will be happy there and will adapt quickly. I know that soon it will feel “normal” to have her gone. But the next few weeks will be HARD!</p>
<p>We have a kid who is 3000 miles away…the other went only 130 miles away. Both mentioned leaving home and the distance…the week before they left. Funny…once they got there…the distance wasn’t an issue at all.</p>
<p>Once they are there for a few weeks, I think it is harder on us than it is on them (enormous generalization that does not take into account bad “fit,” etc.). WE are aware of how long and difficult the trip is to get to them; they are busy building new lives and are not looking back.</p>
<p>^^^Mafool hit it on the head. They are busy building new lives, meeting new people, learning new things – and we’re home staring at their empty rooms and sobbing our eyes out as we go to the grocery store and buy a third of what we used to.</p>
<p>Thanks for the encouraging words, everyone! And ingerp, thanks for mentioning that you went through a similar routine for delivering them to school the first year. I do kind of feel that I drew the long straw in her decision. </p>
<p>For some reason, she was assigned to a quad with 3 sophomores, so she’s a little nervous about breaking into a pre-formed clique of older kids. I suppose there will be advantages to that as well, moving in with kids who know the ropes. But I hope it won’t make orientation a little lonely, since she’ll be alone in a room for several days.</p>
<p>This is a healthy & normal reaction on the part of your D. She will fit in and inevitably have some good & bad days & times at her new campus. Be supportive of her & expect them. It’s great that she’s open enough to share her feelings and apprehension & you handled it perfectly. Bravo!</p>
<p>I went to a college about 2 hrs. from my home in a midwestern state. When I was looking at grad school, I applied to Texas, Utah and California. Instead, I ended up working in Europe for a year, and when I came back I applied to grad schools in contiguous states. S1 stayed home to go to school. S2 is a 1000 miles away. </p>
<p>I am pretty certain this rule does NOT apply to a freshman assigned to a room with sophomores.</p>
<p>My senior year, one of my suitemates decided to take a leave at the last minute, and we were assigned a sophomore transfer. We let him know in no uncertain terms that the rooms had been allocated the previous spring (and if the guy he was replacing had had one of the nicer rooms, they would have been re-allocated). Notwithstanding that the guy was an athletic recruit, gorgeous, and one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, we considered that the appropriate attitude for him towards us was humble gratitude for our toleration of his presence, and he agreed. At least he never told us otherwise!</p>
<p>Very interesting original post. I heard the first signs of “cold feet” this weekend when my son was wondering if he made the right choice of going to Columbia over Chicago. Not sure if distance was the issue, but rather making sure they made the perfect choice. Close friends are getting ready to leave for college 40 minutes away in another week and he will be here alone for three more weeks, so I suspect more out of sorts feelings.</p>
<p>I would explain to her that there is very little difference being 1000 miles away or more than 300. She would be coming home only on semester breaks and the summer. In fact unless the college is less that 150 miles away very few mid-semester trip home occur and virtually none after frosh year.</p>
<p>Word of advice to underclassmen: Do not take the best of everything… there should be some deference for the upperclassmen who have “earned” a little more than you. I’m just saying… she wouldn’t want the upperclassmen to think she was a self-serving prima dona before they’d even met.</p>
<p>Not sure how S feels about going about 2000 miles from home. All I know is that it will require a plane trip 9 times out of 10 to visit or come home. Trying to rack up all the frequent flier miles I can!! I am just bummed I cant use my credit card to pay my tuition bill!! It’d be two round trip tickets a year!</p>