<p>With the exception of my family and a small number of colleagues and friends, the reaction my husband and I have received when we tell people where our daughter is starting college in the fall--NYU--has received a negative reaction.</p>
<p>Usually, the reaction is something like, "Wow, you're brave to let her go there." The underlying feeling we get from people is that we're crazy, she's crazy, or that we're almost committing some sort of child abuse! </p>
<p>NYU is also completely across the country from where we live (in a rural part of California), and people wonder how we can "let" her move so far away from home--to NYC, to boot.</p>
<p>I really do not understand this reaction. I hate to admit it, but it's put a slight damper on what has been a wonderful time in our lives. Personally, we are thrilled with her choice and believe it suits her perfectly. I shouldn't let it bother me, I guess, but it does. Other parents don't seem to get this reaction when they share the news of their child's plans for the fall.</p>
<p>Can anyone help me figure out why people are reacting this way? Perhaps they can't envision their own children (especially a daughter) making such a (frankly) bold move? Or they can't imagine themselves "allowing" their kids to go so far away from home? I'm at a loss. Thanks.</p>
<p>barrons: I'm not sure what you mean. Our daughter just graduated from high school, and people have asked us what her plans are. When we tell them, the reaction I described is often what we receive.</p>
<p>In this forum, I'm hoping to understand why--so if you have an idea on that, I really would like to hear it. I didn't start this thread to hear more negative reactiions from people but to gain some insight; perhaps starting this thread was a mistake on my part.</p>
<p>I AM SPONED: Yes, it is a really good school--especially for what she wants to study. That's why I'm puzzled. I think people may have some misperceptions about NYU?</p>
<p>The city can be a great place to go to college. She can conquer it with the safety of a bunch of other kids who have the same sense of adventure. Others reactions are just a reflection of their own inner fears and doubts about themselves.</p>
<p>your friends are ignorant....new york is again the place to be....i live in florida and my son has 2 friends at nyu...their experiences are beyond belief...when your daughter sees the creativity of the kids and profs she will be in awe...when she sees the brilliance that men and women can deliver on broadway she will be inspired..when she has the ability to hop on a subway and be at any museum in 15 minutes she will be enlightened...to have fresh bagel, pizza, etc...mmmm
i grew up in the city for many years it was on the downfall..but thanks
to rudy g or just the cycle of life of any city it is now on top..</p>
<p>do you have to be safe..of course..study your subway maps now
learn that the bronx is up and the battery is down.</p>
<p>good luck to your daughter and have fun when you visit</p>
<p>I think many people are simply afraid of New York. It is a big, frightening city to those people who don't like big, frightening cities. :)
It is a big step for your daughter and I'm sure you are proud of her. Don't let the B------- get you down!</p>
<p>I think the value for $$$ is low in most areas. Many many ug profs are adjuncts. I'd prefer a more campus centric undergrad experience. The exceptions might be Stern and the performing arts where the NY connection is of value.</p>
<p>First off, congratulations to your daughter on her NYU acceptance. It's a fabulous school, despite what your friends and family are telling you. If it fits her, it's even better. I'm sure she'll be really happy there!</p>
<p>For people who don't live in Manhattan, it can definitely be a daunting place - Greenwich Village's artsy, offbeat reputation might not be immidiately accepted in more conservative areas of the country. I likve in the city - right near NYU, in fact - and have lived here all my life; trust me, your daughter will love it. Although I might be biased, i definitely see New York as an exciting, upbeat place, full of cultural, academic, recreational, and career-oriented opportunities. In my book, it's the ideal place to go to college; from what I can sense, your daughter thinks so too. The people from your rural town simply can't relate to life in New York - and I doubt it's their fault, they just haven't experienced it. They probably buy into the rumors: it's too dangerous, it's too artsy, it's too weird, etc. But I garuntee you, if they lived here even for a week, they'd see what your daughter sees.</p>
<p>Another possibility is that in the back of their minds, your friends may be a bit jealous; NYU is a selective institution, and living in New York might be a secret dream of theirs; seeing your daughter experiencing something they might have wanted for a while may have compelled them to be less than supportive. This option may be feuled out of classic NY cynicism -- but I definitely think it could simply be the less desirable side of human nature rearing its ugly head.</p>
<p>Either way, don't let people get you down! I know it's easier said than done, but your daughter will be thrilled once she gets here, and I'm sure you'll be thrilled to see her so happy.</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone, for these helpful responses. I don't think NYU is right for everyone, but neither is my alma mater (UCLA) or any other school right for every student. </p>
<p>And I agree: NYC is an incredible place with amazing opportunities for personal and academic growth. NYU isn't the same school it was 30 years ago, either. </p>
<p>My husband and I are a bit jealous of her, to be honest! When we have visited the campus, we've thought, "Gosh, I wonder how our lives might have been different if we had started our adult lives here ..."</p>
<p>I'll just ignore the naysayers, I guess ... :-)</p>
<p>barrons
NYU wasnt on our list either for various reasons, but the decision has already been made-
sloparent is just asking why some people might have a different reaction than probably what she expected.
I think I would just reply that you are thrille with her choice and that it suits her perfectly, (I don't think you need to convince the nay sayers otherwise) and leave it at that.
Or maybe if you want to be snarky say somethng like " Im sorry that you arent as happy for her as we are".</p>
<p>Congratulations to your daughter, and congratulations to YOU for encouraging your daughter! We are in the same situation--live in the rural west--and have one child in NY and one in Peace Corps in Africa! I can't count how many times people are shocked by this, and ask how we can "let" our children be so far away/in such danger, etc. </p>
<p>I have figured out that some people say this because they are frightened of these big, foreign places. Others say this because they are dependent on their children's company, and don't want the loneliness of children living out their lives states and states away (the loneliness is real for us, but it is offset by our pride and the thrill of vicariously sharing their adventures). </p>
<p>We've gravitated away from the folks who are comfortable with only "local," and seek out others whose kids are far away. Try not to let it bug you, and dream of the adventurous visits you'll make to see your daughter!</p>
<p>NYU is an excellent school, top of the tops in the arts, tops in applied math, tops in philosophy, excellent law school, a place that just keeps rising. There is always a lag between past reputation and current facts. The same holds true for NYC, which is once again a magnet for young people and much safer than it was ten or twenty years ago when some of your acquaintances might have formed their opinions. My kid also goes to school in NYC and some people thought we were idiots for letting him choose it, but kids have their own reasons and for him it was the challenge. To get out of the comfortable bubble. Interestingly, many of his friends who stayed in California are now doing summer internships in NY and many of my older child's friends who finished college in California immediately headed to NYC on graduation.</p>
<p>Not every kid wants the pace of the city or is able to handle the relative impersonality of a spread-out urban university, but for those who find it exciting and stimulating and a challenge to grow, nothing else will do. Congratulations to your daughter. Enjoy.</p>
<p>Just speculating here, but I imagine it's a combination of your distance from New York, and the fact that NYU may not be well known in your area. </p>
<p>Of the 250 boys in S2's graduating class, 75% are attending a college within a 300-mile radius of home. Contrary to how it may appear by scanning CC, most kids attend school fairly close to home. S2 is attending a school about a third of the way across the country, and many people respond with a sympathetic, "Oh. So far away?," even though we are thrilled for him. </p>
<p>Although NYU has some excellent programs, it doesn't have the universal name recognition of the Ivies. Perhaps the locals are just curious -- what is it about NYU that would entice your D to travel so far?</p>
<p>There isn't as much of a tradition in California to go out of state for college - certainly not as much as in the northeast. And there could be some arent-the-UCs-good-enough? issues with them. Also, have you noticed what snobs Californians are about weather? As if it were some sort of punishment to live in a 4 season climate. But a lot of it is just fear: NY is a long way from CA -- and that scares many parents. Of course, don't underestimate the envy factor, either. NYU is an amazing school - congratulations to your daughter & her family.</p>
<p>sloparent, negativity towards NYU is odd. NYU is a very good school, and though it is cross country for you, it will be a great experience for your daughter.</p>
<p>california to new york is going to take some getting used to, but it's a whole different type of lifestyle to take part in.</p>
<p>You know such comments are about the person commenting and really having nothing to do with your daughter. Think good thoughts about yourself for supporting your kid and about your kid for wanting to go for the gusto. I know this is hard, it is nice kind and these so called friends must have really nice things to say to those who might go military academy huh? What then? People make choices for growth and your daughter is doing that. Good for her.</p>
<p>They are reacting that way because they are insecure about their own choices in presumably having their kids stay close to home.</p>
<p>They also probably are fairly unsophisticated (even if well educated), and assume that NYC is a vile, dangerous place. </p>
<p>I have a very nice friend who is like that -- can't imagine even allowing her almost 20-year-old daughter spend any time alone in NYC even if the D is basically accompanying her mom on a work trip. My friend is highly educated, but just not that well traveled. I didn't bother to tell her that I had allowed my kids when they were in high school to go alone around places like D.C. and Paris when we had visited there.</p>
<p>Other people I know, one of whom is a lawyer, thought their college frosh D was exceptionally brave to visit Chicago with a friend from her Midwestern school. The day trip to Chicago was a very big deal for the D because although she has traveled through much of the US, the way she had done this was on family camping trips totally avoiding big cities.</p>
<p>Anyway, my advice is to ignore the people who make those kind of remarks to you. You know more than they do about what's best for your D, so let their comments roll off your back.</p>
<p>Wow, such great insights here--things I hadn't thought of before. It actually did come down to a choice between Berkeley and NYU. NYU was by far the better option for what she wants to study, plus she loves the city and what it offers her. </p>
<p>Thanks again to all for the incredibly helpful posts.</p>
<p>I can relate to what you are saying. My son entered a contest and won this summer. He spent a Week in NYC at Pace University working on a technology project with 30 other students from around the country. They had quite the itinerary in the city at night and during non-working times in the day. We are from Montana and letting him go was a bit tough. Even though we have traveled as a family to Boston, Chicago, etc, NYC was a place we had not been.</p>
<p>His mom flew with him out there, then we left him for a week and he flew home on his own. It was hard on us but he really enjoyed it. He enjoyed NY and Pace but did not have an interest in living there. </p>
<p>I had a few friends who thought we were crazy to let him go alone or wondered if we would let him go to school there if he liked it. I thought the reactions were a bit odd and my son just smiled at their comments.</p>
<p>You have to let them make decisions and go their own ways. Sound like your daughter will do just fine.</p>