To everyone who helped me with my essays

Parent Cafe
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<p>I posted here a while ago because I was having</a> trouble with my essays, and several of you PMed me with encouraging comments and advice on the few false starts I'd made at the time. I wanted to thank everyone individually, but to be honest, I can't remember the usernames of everyone who helped me, and I don't want to exclude anyone... so here's a public, all-inclusive THANK YOU to make up for it. :)</p>

<p>I used this for the Common App and for Chicago's long essay. It's far from perfect, but I'm pretty happy with it considering that I didn't have any help editing the final version (I'd asked my English teacher, but he was busy)... so this is me, unedited, for better or for worse.</p>

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<p>In Foreign Ministry parlance they call it going native. It’s what happens when a statesman commits the ultimate indiscretion: letting his eyes linger a moment longer than appropriate on the seductive outline of a foreign shore, inhaling unfamiliar scents like an exotic perfume, and without exactly realizing it, agreeing to spend the night—only in this case it might be a decade or a lifetime.</p>

<p>My illicit affair with the United States began innocently enough in the spring of 2001, which was when it became a possibility for the first time. “Sweetie, how would you feel about maybe moving to America?” I pictured lush, undulating hills, a big white house, and horses. “Oh,” I answered. “Fine, I guess.” I was already teaching myself English. My class at school had trailed off at irregular verbs, but Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban hadn’t been translated into Swedish yet, and learning to read it in English seemed easier than waiting. </p>

<p>Being the daughter of two diplomats means having to be cavalier about things other people take very seriously, like moving to a different continent with three months’ notice. You go along with things; that’s the whole point. You keep your bags packed—you’ll learn the language when you get there—and if nothing else, you’ll have a story to tell. (“I lived in Moscow when the Soviet Union fell. A Russian activist set my house on fire—no, I’m serious!”) It isn’t so much that you learn to live with the uncertainty as it is that you don’t know anything different.</p>

<p>The cardinal rule of diplomacy, then, is to never, ever get attached, and that applies to people as well as to countries. I’d always taken a pragmatic approach to friends: I liked having them, but when every other aspect of life was time-limited, expressions like best friends or friends forever seemed to lose some credibility. Then there are experiences that seem bound to end in friendship regardless of your objections, and getting lost together on the way to science class the first day of seventh grade is one of them. </p>

<p>I gave up pragmatism. I made more friends. I joined the newspaper staff. I took classes that made me think and write and cry with frustration and grin absurdly when I realized my efforts had paid off. </p>

<p>At seventeen, I’m finally accepting that I’ll never be a native anything. I’m a Swedish citizen, but when I visit, I’m as much of a stranger there as I am in most parts of the United States. (“Wait, you said you’re from Switzerland?”) I used to find this daunting, but I’m learning that it doesn’t have to be. Instead of question marks and empty spaces, I’ve started to see the possibilities.</p>

<p>I’d love to tell you I had an epiphany; that one day, a sudden moment of insight made everything crystallize. Truthfully, though, I think I mostly arrived there by talking to some people and reading lots of books and thinking too much at night when I couldn’t sleep. Maybe it’s part of growing up that suddenly the things that used to scare you just don’t seem so dangerous anymore—and to me, that meant realizing that where I fit in isn’t half as interesting a question as where I want to go. </p>

<p>I don’t exactly have an answer right now, but I’ll get back to you when I do.</p>

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<p>I'll let you know in April if it worked or not. :p</p>

<p>Thanks again,
Elisabeth / cameliasinensis</p>

<p>(For anyone who's curious, I applied to Amherst, Bryn Mawr, U of Chicago, Dartmouth, Macalester, Middlebury, Princeton, Swarthmore, Wellesley, and Williams.)</p>

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<p>Wow - what a great essay. You managed to highlight your unusual life and describe your experiences without bragging or boring :) Def. leaves the reader with a very positive impression.
Can't help but wonder -- how long have you been fluent in English?
I bet you'll have plenty of good news at admissions time. Good luck!</p>

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<p>I really enjoyed your essay. As a foreign service brat myself so much rang true. I just wish I'd had your opportunity to learn a foreign language fluently earlier in life and to be so thoroughly involved in the local cultures of the places I had lived. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Thanks for the compliments. :) I started learning English in sixth grade and moved to the US in seventh, but I wasn't really comfortable until a year later... so almost five years, I guess. My second language was actually French!</p>

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<p>What a wonderful essay, and such a mature way to look at relationships and locations. You definitely have something to add to any college community.</p>

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<p>Lovely essay - but not such a good idea to post it here. I worry about your privacy, and you linking your name with the article. But, like I said, a lovely essay. Good luck with your acceptances!</p>

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<p>Great essay! It will definitely help your app, but we all know essays typically don't make or break. You come across as thoughtful and interesting and speaking in your own voice. Reveals a lot about who you are without embarassing the reader. As I was reading it I have to admit I'm thinking: "Started learning English in 2001? This is TOO good!!" but by the end of the essay I figured that total immersion for 5 years should be enough for someone with a<br>
knack for language. The best thing about it is that an adcom reading it is going to want to meet you.</p>

<p>You have a lot of italics. How did you handle that with the common app? I found the software to be a real pain because it wouldn't take any special punctuation, even indenting.</p>

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<p>I actually mailed my applications -- in large part because I refused to give up control over formatting issues like italics and spacing and my favorite font, for good luck (and also because I'm a little bit old-fashioned and sentimental, and it felt more meaningful that way). ;)</p>

<p>It probably seems neurotic, but it made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.</p>

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<p>

I'd have to respectfully disagree, NJ....the admissions officer from Duke commented on my son's essay many times: on the phone, in email, and over dinner with us when we brought our son to Durham. ;)</p>

<p>Miss E~</p>

<p>As someone whose brother is also a diplomat, I adored your essay. It is genuine, beautifully written, and most importantly, from the heart. I think it will serve you very well in your admissions process, and I wish you all the luck in the world!! ~berurah</p>

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<p>This is too much flattery... you're making me blush! :o</p>

<p>I do have one question, though.

Do you think there's any danger that colleges will think my essay has been overedited or (even worse) isn't my own work? I've seen so many posts here on the Parents' Forum about essays being edited beyond recognition by parents, teachers, and/or admissions counselors, and I don't want them to think that's the case with mine! Yes, English is my third language, and my scores on the SAT I writing section aren't spectacular (680 and 710, compared to 780 and 800 in CR and 760 in math)... but on the other hand, I've submitted a recommendation from my IB English HL teacher and a supplemental one from my journalism and Theory of Knowledge teacher/newspaper advisor, both of which presumably contain comments about my writing. Maybe I'm paranoid, but given that I'm an "international" student, I really don't want them to get suspicious...!</p>

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<p>Camelia:
Thanks for coming back and updating us. Being an international myself, I appreciate your essay very much. My English at the time was not half as good as yours is. Don't worry about how adcoms will perceive your essay. They will love it. Your SAT scores are fine, don't agonize over them. Enjoy your last semester of high school.</p>

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<p>I wouldn't worry about it being "too good". I'll admit my German was nowhere near as flowing after five years there, but I could write error free if I really paid attention - and nothing went out of the office without a second set of eyes looking at it. It doesn't sound to me like anyone but you wrote it.</p>

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<p>Your 780 and 800 in CR is a proxy for "has a high verbal IQ". That's good enough credentials to be able to write the way you do. Besides, to me, it sounds like the very good writing of a very bright highschooler. And one with a unique viewpoint. Have you read any Nabokov, BTW, speaking of second language gifted types?</p>

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<p>Sorry, I didn't mean to sound arrogant... I'm not concerned about it being "too good", but I've seen many posts here along the lines of "colleges should lower their English standards for me because I'm an immigrant", and I really don't want the assumption that foreign students have a license to write badly--or by extension, that they all write badly--to become an issue here.</p>

<p>Not that that sounds any less condescending, really. I'll stop shoving my foot in my mouth now.</p>

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<p>We knew what you meant;). Feel free to resume full use of your foot.</p>

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<p>Not to worry--no teachers, parents, admissions counselors could write that! :)</p>

<p>Only you could.</p>

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<p>That was a good essay but the italics were excessive and the questions in the middle were annoying</p>

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<p>I actually liked the questions in the middle.</p>

<p>I was born in the US and you write 15x better than me and scored way higher on both CR and W on the SAT (yea, i stink at vocab). </p>

<p>I liked it a lot and hope it gets you in anywhere.</p>

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<p>Chocolateisgood, I know what you mean about the italics -- I mostly meant for them to set off phrases ("friends forever", "never, ever get attached", etc) that reflected someone else's opinion or a common misconception, as opposed to my own thoughts. I experimented with different ways of doing that, but in the end I couldn't come up with anything more effective. Ah, well... it's submitted now, so there's really nothing to be done about it.</p>

<p>I was more annoyed with the fact that I accidentally used the wrong word in another one of my essays ("grave intrusions on other people's intellectual property" when I meant to say "intellectual territory"), but I doubt anyone else would take much notice. :p</p>

<p>Thanks again to everyone who commented. :)</p>

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<p>
[quote]
I've seen many posts here along the lines of "colleges should lower their English standards for me because I'm an immigrant", and I really don't want the assumption that foreign students have a license to write badly

[/quote]
Well, in fairness, some people have a harder time picking up the nuances of a new language than others, and it is probably easier to gain English proficiency if one's first language is a modern European language than, say, from an Asian language. In fact, learning French might have been the tougher accomplishment for you, as Swedish & English are both Germanic languages which linguistically are closer to one another. (Cute picture of Indo-European languages here: <a href="http://www.public.iastate.edu/%7Ecfford/Indoeuropean%20language%20family%20tree.jpg%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.public.iastate.edu/~cfford/Indoeuropean%20language%20family%20tree.jpg&lt;/a> )</p>

<p>In any case, I do think that your English writing skills are impressive, but at the same time my experience has been that children of diplomats tend to become proficient quickly, perhaps because it is important for their parents as well to aim for proficiency -- and your casual voice in your writing style tells me that this is a teenager talking, not an English teacher. You broke a lot of English-teacher type "rules" that apply for formal academic writing, but don't apply in conversational English -- so I figure that you have picked up a LOT of your skills by hanging out with American teens & watching American t.v. & movies. Also, I am seeing with the internet that the even teens who live in other countries are very quickly to pick up informal English writing skills, with all the various message boards & IM sites -- it's really become the lingua franca of the internet. So I don't think that the ad com will be at all suspicious -- this seems to me like a very good essay clearly written by a teenager, and it is a good thing (not bad) that you can demonstrate a high level of fluency in English. I'll bet you are coming from a high school that is well-respected and known to have high standards as well.</p>

<p>By the way, I'd be willing to bet that your admission to Bryn Mawr, Chicago, Macalester & Middlebury is pretty much assured. I don't know enough about the admission practices of the others to venture a guess, but I would be surprised if you don't get admitted to several more as well.</p>