<p>We were thrilled when our daughter made a number of good schools. Now she doesn't like any of them; she "doesn't know what she was thinking" when she applied to Cornell/Barnard/UChicago/Northwestern/NYU. I tell her she's blessed she has such an abundance of riches; she's crying that she should have applied to Kenyon/Oberlin/Reed. Sigh.<br>
We're going to visit the schools, and she will eventually decide, since staying home and working for a year is not a viable option. We're thrilled with Cornell; it's in-state for us (Agriculture and Life Sciences), so cost is a huge factor since financial aid and scholarships are non-existent. Since she's so undecided about it all, I'm thinking of deciding for her. Is anyone else's kid having a mini-breakdown over this? All of her friends seem so pleased with their choices.</p>
<p>Sigh. This too shall pass. (maybe the first big decision of her semi-adult life, and then coming to terms that she won't be with you in the fall.)</p>
<p>It's an emotional journey and there is a BIG letdown after the decisions come, with lots of second-guessing and sadness about letting go of some options, plus fear and anxiety for this new life coming. All normal. As mini says, "This too shall pass."</p>
<p>yes, buck up. (what happened to your post, ween )</p>
<p>But then I'd just say very little for a while. Let her process the outcome and tell her it's up to her. She may just be overwhelmed by the choices.
She has until May 1st, right? Let the dust settle. Visit some the schools for their admit days as planned, but let her sit with the outcomes.
Tell her that you're confident she'll choose what's right for her, and she'll know in her gut which school feels right.
The colleges really go all out on their admit days - I can almost promise you that one of them will reel her in.
Congratualtions on all of her wonderful acceptances!</p>
<p>Trust me, I'm going through it. I love my accepted schools, but sometimes I'm like maybe I should've rolled the dice at Emory or at least applied to Ohio State...you get the picture. And I'm not sure if I even like my schools sometimes. And I feel like I made mistakes. And I don't know how this can turn out right. And I want someone else to chose for me. People say you want plenty of choices in this process- well now that I have them I don't want them!</p>
<p>The kids are also feeling nostalgia over their high school years and the good friends they've made. Many are sad because they will be leaving them - and afraid that their friendships will change.
This really can be an emotional time.</p>
<p>ASAP - Boy, you must be quick! ;)</p>
<p>heh heh :D</p>
<p>
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The kids are also feeling nostalgia over their high school years and the good friends they've made. Many are sad because they will be leaving them - and afraid that their friendships will change.
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<p>Yep. At some point during the college application process, the reality hits that life as they know it will soon come to an end. That is bound to manifest itself at some time, in some way.</p>
<p>Definitely do not choose for her, this is something she needs to decide for herself.
Make sure she does some overnights and goes to some classes. It really gives them a good sense of what the other kids are like and if they can see themselves fitting in. Does she have a hobby/sport/club she could be interested in? See if she could room with a similar person.</p>
<p>kwibbles,</p>
<p>Welcome to the parents forum.</p>
<p>Congratulations to your D for having such a wonderful selection of schools to choose from.</p>
<p>For many students this has been a long daunting and stress filled process from september unitl now. I think that there have been moments where she thought she would not have been admitted anywhere and now she has an abundance of riches (especially if she looked at these schools as reaches and thoughts the odds were against her in being admitted) . </p>
<p>This can be just as overwhelming for kids as not getting admitted anywhere because as others have mention, the acceptances now make it real that it is time to close the door on one part of her life and begin a new journey with a lot of unknowns. Give her a few days to digest it all. I think once she starts going to the admitted student's days and meeting other prospective students she will get excited about the prospect of attending college.</p>
<p>For now, give her a big hug, let her know how proud you are of her and if she needs to talk or even if she doesn't you are here for her.</p>
<p>hi kwibbles,
Sounds like she's experiencing "buyer's remorse." It must happen to so many college students-to-be. That nagging "what if" question. It happens to us adults, too. Now that I bought this car, maybe I should have looked at that car. Congratulations on all her acceptances. Fortunately, she has almost a month to catch her breath, visit or revisit some of the possibilities and surely one will stand out in the end. Remind her that she chose to apply to these places for some good reasons. Good luck!</p>
<p>I agree with another poster here; don't decide for her, because all you end up teaching her is that when an important decision has to be made, the best response is to cry and let your parents handle it. And if you do choose, every time she is unhappy for the next four years about anything at school, it will be your fault! No need to invite that sort of pressure on yourself. Let her take ownership.</p>
<p>I think what sybbie said hits the nail on the head - the choice of where to go closes the door on other choices, and that is hard. As well, so many students have internalized 4 years of high school pressure regarding college choice, and the inability to decide at the end is very common - its the last, stressful step in a stressful process.</p>
<p>If this was my kid, I would take her out for a manicure and a latte, and then start asking her to tell me what she likes about the schools, casually. Make her search for the good at each, and hopefully that leads to her geting excited about one option over the rest. I would avoid trying to sell her on any of these schools though - get her to sell herself. </p>
<p>Good luck! poor kid - it is hard to go from limitless possibility, to a list of 8-10, to 1. Applying to college is hard.</p>
<p>celebrian25, I'll choose for you. ;)</p>
<p>Ugh, I share this sentiment completely. I've been so so so excited all year about college and now that I've got all my decisions in, I'm so depressed. I've made up my mind, but I'm still depressed. Its not the school, its just that the decision sucks. As much as I wouldn't want to be one of those people who have no choice, I hate having so many choices. I got into all three of my top schools, and I joked around earlier in the year with my parents that this situation was my nightmare. Well, my nightmare came true... oh well. My mind is made, up now I just need a break to get my mind off things and get excited!</p>
<p>Have your daughter take a break, calm down, lay around not thinking about it for a few days. Then take the logical approach and write out pros and cons and slowly cross each school off the list - you'll come to a decision!</p>
<p>Thank you all. My daughter and I have been talking about this for so long -- since September! -- it's good advice to stop for a few days and let things sink in. I think all of your advice is right on target. As you can probably tell, I'm pretty new at this. The next time we go through this college business, in about two years (my youngest is 15), we will be doing things a bit differently!</p>
<p>Last year my D had several good choices and it took several days of just relaxing before she decided. One morning she woke up and it all seemed clear....She turned down her first choice UCSD and USC for Northeastern in Boston-they offered her a good $$ package and it just felt right to her--and as her freshman year draws to a close she is very happy with her choice---
After months of anticipation it is as if the reality of making that decision is depressing! Sorta like after opening all their Christmas presents at 5 years old they say "Is this it?" and then the next morning their favorite toy rises to the top of the pile...and often it was an unexpected gift that brought the biggest smiles. Enjoy the ride it is fun!!!</p>
<p>SOmeone made this suggestion last year, and it worked for her son, he could not decide, so they wrote checks for each school, put them in an envelope, all ready to mail they put them on the fridge or a bulletin board or somewhere why they could be seen by family, but they stopped talking about it for a bit...somehow, NOT talking about, seeing the choices, but letting the decision come a bit organically seemed to work, moving the envelopes order around, etc.</p>
<p>Slowly, the right choice was there and you have almost a month for D t o make the decision</p>
<p>And it is good to have a discussion about the money, because D needs to make a fully informed decision</p>
<p>And with that many good options, I would think that if she does well in her college the first year, if she is truly unhappy, she could transfer </p>
<p>Good luck and congrats</p>
<p>Wow, kwibbles, that's a wonderful set of schools to choose from. The grass is always greener, but she'll soon see how green it is under her own feet as soon as she visits a few of those schools. </p>
<p>I agree, it's probably a good idea to put off trying to decide for a while, at least until after the visits. Meanwhile, maybe she could have some fun and learn a bit more about the various schools by chatting on the CC school forums. She might at least get a feel for what things to check out when she visits. </p>
<p>If all that fails, like yulsie offered to celebrian25, I'd be happy to make the choice! My daughter is at NU and is extremely happy there. But seriously, it was her first visit there that made everything clear to her. Something will click for your daughter at one of the great schools she'll visit.</p>
<p>Congrats to your D on having such good choices! Last year, D was accepted ED and when spring hit, she started wondering whether she should have applied RD. I think all college applicants go through the coulda/woulda/shoulda stage. In addition, to the list of pros and cons, maybe visits or attending accepted student receptions might help with the decision-making.</p>