<p>^^^ Wow, this is a great post!</p>
<p>I am glad at least one person on this board is not a promiscuous jerk who only cares about one thing and wants to be in a relationship while living like he/she is single.</p>
<p>This got so weird.</p>
<p>"Seriously, all of you need to GROW UP. I don't care how cheap abortions are but there is a good amount of psychological consequences that come with it afterwards."</p>
<p>You may want to turn your sarcasm detector on</p>
<p>I would have to agree with ticklemepink. Abortions may be cheap but they are dangerous for the woman (both physically and psychologically).
I mean come on, be a MAN for once! </p>
<p>And as for dumping the girl, I'd have to agree that it's the gentleman thing to do to try and mend her psychologically. Then, let her go easily. Or else she will be messed up for a long time.</p>
<p>This thread has had some horrible advice in almost every single post.</p>
<p>When you're both calm, Definitely talk with her about all of the serious issues of sex, and all that good stuff, and explain the situation with the girl who dropped her money. </p>
<p>People freak out sometimes. People aren't perfect. I bet half of the guys who have girlfriends that have responded to this thread can think of a time where there girlfriend reacted similarly, and when they blew up over nothing. Just talk about it, and move on. I don't see this as a reason to break up. You guys seem like you might be pretty close.</p>
<p>I'm glad your girlfriend is not pregnant because neither one of you seem capable or mature enough to raise a baby if it came to that. With sex comes responsibility for your actions; you need to have a discussion with your partner about all your options: abortion, adoption, or keeping it. This needs to be something you discuss when you first have sex, not something that comes up in the panicked OMG moment of "F--k I'm LATE!"</p>
<p>I agree, a lot of advice on here is WACK. Don't dump her now. She isn't crazy. To me it sounds like a misunderstanding/failure to communicate. Try to put yourself in her shoes. For whatever reason, she had sex with you when neither of you was ready. Understandably, she has lost some emotional stability after this decision. (Even if you two were ready for sex when you had it, the relationship wasn't going to continue exactly the same way it did before. Sex has an impact on your emotions and relationship whether you're immature or grown up.) So, lately she has had some new emotions to deal with which she isn't equipped to do. In the middle of all this, she hears from a friend (who sounds like a jerk!) that you were flirting with other people. She didn't overreact to the situation or create "drama"--she reacted as anyone would to that kind of news. It would have been an overreaction if she had seen you innocently talking and then accused you of flirting. Instead, she heard from someone else that you were flirting, and her reaction (freaking out) was only to be expected. After all, you'd just recently had sex with her, AND told her she was too clingy. It's rather obvious, given these circumstances, that she would freak out if she heard you were flirting with other people.</p>
<p>It's so scary to be new to sex and to worry all the time that you might get pregnant. Of course she's going to cling to you, because she needs you for support. If she can't depend on her boyfriend, who can she depend on to make her feel stable? You did the wrong thing by accusing her of being dramatic or of freaking out too much. You should have assuaged her concerns about your distance by telling her there isn't anything to worry about, while respecting her right to be concerned. That's the right way to respond to someone who is being too clingy.</p>
<p>Can you imagine what it's like for her? Of course she's going to freak out in this situation. Don't lie...you would too. Be understanding and show her you care and I doubt you will experience as much drama in the future.</p>
<p>Still maintain she's pretty darn crazy. The threats, the obsessive behavior, the use of lies as leverage (OMG I MIGhT BE PREGNANT you have to obey me). A relationship should be FUN, not make your life stressful</p>
<p>so it's "lies" to get stressed out about a possible pregnancy? "OMG I MIGHT BE PREGNANT" is a fair conclusion to draw if you're late and you've recently had sex. to think that the girlfriend should just be completely nonchalant about that and also expect absolutely no reassurance from her boyfriend is totally immature. a relationship is not just about having the most fun possible. there are other human beings with feelings involved. you have to be respectful, not act like a selfish kid who can't be bothered with other people's emotions. sure, the girlfriend overreacted. does that mean her feelings don't matter anymore? calling her crazy is a cop-out. a mature person would respect her feelings, make an effort to understand where she's coming from (this takes communication, not name-calling and running away), and try to persuade her to think differently.</p>
<p>namaste- yes, relationships should be fun but there's a certain level of maturity between the two people that should have to add sex to the bag to make the relationship REALLY fun. Without that maturity to handle sex, then the relationship with that kind of immature sex is not fun- only more stressful.
I'll bet you're a virgin or a player.</p>
<p>Thanks for all your advice, you guys.</p>
<p>Here's what's happened since my last tpost:</p>
<p>She'd taken a pregnancy test, and we found out she wasn't pregnant. I was glad about that, as expected. She said she was more worried about what her parents would think of her if she was pregnant. I told her that I'd do my best to take care of our child had she been pregnant, regardless what might have happened between her and her parents or us.</p>
<p>We agreed we needed some time apart and some time to breathe. She went back home for winter break and we didn't talk for a couple days. When we did talk, she told me she'd talked to her sister about what had happened, and that she didn't want to have sex for awhile. She felt like she wasn't ready for it and she'd hoped I would understand. I told her I did, and I didn't have any problem waiting for her to come around. </p>
<p>I will admit I'm not entirely sure about that, but I haven't recanted.</p>
<p>We talked about her jealousy and clinginess, too. She told me she's always on pins and needles because she's been cheated on before. I told her that I'd never cheat on her, and asked why she couldn't trust me. I'll admit I got a little angry over that. I'm not perfect, and I understand women don't work entirely the same way guys do, but I hate this idea that I'm supposed to sit around and pay for the mistakes another guy made. I'm a faithful, loyal guy. Her only reason for not trusting me...has nothing to do with me. </p>
<p>People turn up their noses at guys who play women and use them, and don't accept that whole "players have been hurt, too" argument, so why should nice guys have to deal with that excuse when it comes to women? I don't know.</p>
<p>Anyway, I told her all this, and she said she understands where I'm coming from, but it's hard. She said she feels like she can never fully trust me. I asked her point blank did she want to break up, because we can't stay in a relationship where she has a hard time trusting me. She told me no, but she wanted me to understand how she felt. I told her I did, or wanted to, but I also know that while I'm busy trying to "understand how she feels", there's little initiative on her part to <em>actually</em> change her attitude that causing some of our problems.</p>
<p>I don't know. We're still together, technically, but I'm not feeling it as much anymore. I still love her, and honestly, I still want to be with her. It just seems like this relationship is becoming more and more about me dealing with a girl I'm sleeping with....rather than me being with my girlfriend, if that makes any sense.</p>
<p>Drop this wet blanket and bust out your pimp game on some fly honeys, stat.</p>
<p>edit: and take pictures</p>
<p>edit2: send her the pictures</p>
<p>meh.. sounds like she is saying she's pregnant so that you wont leave her.</p>
<p>or she really is pregnant...</p>
<p>
[quote]
I'm not perfect, and I understand women don't work entirely the same way guys do, but I hate this idea that I'm supposed to sit around and pay for the mistakes another guy made. I'm a faithful, loyal guy. Her only reason for not trusting me...has nothing to do with me.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>By supporting a girl who has been mistreated in the past, you're not paying for another guy's mistakes. She's not getting back at you because another guy cheated on her. What's really happening is that her crappy ex mistreated her and left her emotionally messed up, and it's your job to accept that this has changed her and help her grow out of it. You're forgetting that she had to suffer and this left a mark on her personality. You're right, this has nothing to do with you. It has to do with helping your girlfriend get over a less than perfect past. I mean, what if your girlfriend had been abused in her past relationship? Wouldn't you expect her to have a little difficulty trusting people after abuse? It's not because everyone is suddenly an abuser to her. It's because she's been hurt. You would accept that she was a victim. You wouldn't take her anxiety personally.</p>
<p>Sounds to me like you have issues understanding what your girlfriend's going through. Just because it's not your fault that something bad happened to her, doesn't mean it's not your job to help her through it. It's the same with the sex issue. Duh, she's a girl who's new to sex and very worried about pregnancy, her parents, etc. Try to put yourself in her shoes and understand why she's anxious, and then guide her through it. Don't get resentful just because you're not the one that hurt her. From what you're telling us, it sounds like she hasn't blamed you for her problems. She's just looking to you for help.</p>
<p>Sounds like you CAN be a decent, good guy here- help her walk through this. It's hard for girls to trust men after they've been put off or mistreated even though it's not her new guy's fault. We get emotional scars more easily. I've been there and I know it's going to take a litlte time. She hopes that you'll be a better guy to her than in the past and you will show her that if you love her for being your girlfriend. Don't think of her as a woman you slept with- she told you that she didn't want sex for a bit so she's just going back to that girlfriend role. You're just seeing a new side of her that you didn't know before so it might be a good time to examine your relationship histories a little so you know what you're learning from. For her, if a guy cheated on her, then for her, she's learned not to jump into a serious relationship too fast or whatever else she's learned from that.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Anyway, I told her all this, and she said she understands where I'm coming from, but it's hard. She said she feels like she can never fully trust me. I asked her point blank did she want to break up, because we can't stay in a relationship where she has a hard time trusting me. She told me no, but she wanted me to understand how she felt. I told her I did, or wanted to, but I also know that while I'm busy trying to "understand how she feels", there's little initiative on her part to <em>actually</em> change her attitude that causing some of our problems.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Dump her ass. She's not being fair to you. You ARE paying for some other guy's mistakes, and she IS using him as an excuse to be some psycho ***** that keeps tabs on you. </p>
<p>She brought in all this baggage into what should be a fun thing (except for the people who are looking for marital partners in college for some unknown reason..), you shouldn't have to deal with it, you should be able to be with a girl who has some sort of security, and you shouldn't settle for being stuck with her or feel like you owe her something.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Sounds to me like you have issues understanding what your girlfriend's going through. Just because it's not your fault that something bad happened to her, doesn't mean it's not your job to help her through it.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>It's definitely not his job. She should have figured that stuff out before she went and got into a new sexual relationship.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Dump her ass. She's not being fair to you. You ARE paying for some other guy's mistakes
[/quote]
So it's the girl's job to be emotionally perfect, to forget all past mistreatment completely, and not to cause any discomfort at all for the boyfriend? Jeez I'm glad I'm not your girlfriend!</p>
<p>
[quote]
She should have figured that stuff out before she went and got into a new sexual relationship.
[/quote]
Well, it's too late for that now. Does that mean the right solution is to run away and let her fend for her own feelings just because it isn't all fun and games and free sex all the time? How incredibly insensitive you are. And the boyfriend too. I can't believe he resents the fact that she doesn't want to have sex with him anymore for a while. A girl isn't allowed to ask for support from her boyfriend after being jerked around and having a pregnancy scare? It's his responsibility to care. The decision to have sex was half his after all.</p>
<p>
[quote]
We agreed we needed some time apart and some time to breathe.
[/quote]
So do you see her regularly now or as frequent as you saw her before break?
[quote]
I don't know. We're still together, technically, but I'm not feeling it as much anymore. I still love her, and honestly, I still want to be with her.
[/quote]
What else have you not talked about that still bugs you? It sounds like it's worth a shot if you love her?
[quote]
It just seems like this relationship is becoming more and more about me dealing with a girl I'm sleeping with....rather than me being with my girlfriend, if that makes any sense.
[/quote]
How have you settled your problems in the past if they were anything as large as this? It sounds really sad if she's just a girl with you're sleeping with. :( :( :(</p>
<p>every girl I've ever known who dates a guy has a "pregnancy late scare". but all these girls are mature enough to keep it to themselves. a girl only needs to freak out and tell the guy if she is actaully not pregannt, not just late, which is really common.</p>
<p>tickle: most certainly not a virgin. or a player either, IMO. whats the big deal about sex? just do it? and have fun and not get weird about it? darn puritan american culture.</p>
<p>r u n</p>