<p>I've had an incredibly tough childhood (extreme poverty, combative parents, a terrible family whose serious criminal offenses have been in the newspaper and court report so many times that I'm embarrassed to say my last name). Despite all of this, I've become very outgoing and, thankfully, have done remarkably well in school, on the SAT's and everything in between. </p>
<p>Senioritis is not the term for what I'm feeling. Going to school everyday, bearing my family situation and dealing with relatives' notoriety in my community is becoming really difficultit's hard to cope with it all without feeling utterly exhausted each day.</p>
<p>I feel like a rubber band is pulling at meI've made it so far and there's only a little way to go before I can finally start college. </p>
<p>Since everyone here at CC is so caring and intellectual, maybe you all could help me out. Any tips on how to approach this situation so I can get through these last few months? I've done my best to have a positive attitude, but maybe there's something I'm missing or have overlooked.</p>
<p>Hey,
Hang in there buddy. Talk to someone close to you. Relax. Make a list of things you want to do and whenever you're in the mood, do one of them. I realize things times are tough for you, and you may feel emotionally drained. You're almost done. Don't let up. Work out. Get out of the house more often. Keep yourself busy. You'll get through it. Feel free to PM me anytime.
-V</p>
<p>Just remember, no matter how hard it is, things could be worse. There is another thread on the kids from Slumdog Millionaire. You could be one of those kids. Seems like you are one step away from College. I would bet that is better than some of your friends.</p>
<p>Part of growing up is learning to push through and do what you have to do. You have a light at the end of the tunnel - 4 more months and you are done. Imagine having a job you hate, and working there day-in and day-out so you can raise your family and put your kids through school.</p>
<p>I am not saying that your situation is not bad. It is a lot worse than many of the kids on this board. But, it is what it is. You will be a stronger person once you have made it through. People who succeed have the attitude of "I can do it", not "woe is me". Learn that, and your kids won't have to go through what you have. That is the ultimate reward you have to look forward to.</p>
<p>BTW: You should be close to the legal age where you can change your name (just joking, but true).</p>
<p>Find someone to talk to ....and not necessarily about the immediate crisis. Talk about whatever you need to at that time, the crisis, the future, the ugly paint in the hs gym...anything. If you have come this far, you can hang on to get to college. If all else fails, ask yourself if you can get through the next 15 minutes (or half hour, whatever). The smaller increments of time seem more doable than longer stretch until college, and time passes in small increments, not all at once. I know it sounds crazy, but it works, I've had reason to try it.</p>
<p>Listen Pal, what you need to do is apply to some good schools on the opposite side of the country. Take loans if you cant afford tuition and get away. Go away and start your life off fresh in a environment where nobody will know you. If people do recognize you then lie and say they are wrong. Just get away. Maybe one day things will be better at home.</p>
<p>You’re gonna make it. You gotta believe it. What is the alternative? Dropping out and doubling down on your odds for failure? No. Failure at this point is not an option for you. You’ve come too far. Gotta suck it up and get through.</p>
<p>Education is your passport out of “hell”. You gotta get your stamp before you take your flight though, so go get it.</p>
<p>Here is a short inspirational video that I hope will help you through your day:</p>
<p>For inspiration, read the book, “Hope in the Unseen.” It’s the true story of a young man whose background was very similar to yours. He was impoverished, dad was incaracerated. Still, Cedric Jennings made it through college and grad school and now is in his early 30s. You can get it cheap on Amazon used.</p>
<p>Connect here with Mr. Tubz, a Stanford student whose background is very similar to yours.</p>
<p>Post on CC’s Parents Forum, where you’ll get lots of wise advice from supportive adults.</p>
<p>Congratulations on your successes. Sending you warmest wishes as you finish senior year and move on with your life.</p>
<p>Can you take up some new activities just to keep busy until senior year ends? Get a job (or try to work more hours if you already have one), volunteer, learn a new language, try a new sport, listen to some different music, etc. Maybe you can think of this as a fun, relaxing time in between finishing college applications and going off to start the next chapter of your life.</p>
<p>Congrats to you. There are CCers here who have risen from difficult circumstances to have happy, productive lives. Your tenacity in getting this far will help you get through college.</p>
<p>I hope you have identified and applied to colleges that will allow you to move past the family notoriety and start down an independent path. (I’m talking financially, emotionally, geographically, etc. if that’s what you want to do.)</p>
<p>You are right in sensing that getting to college is just the beginning of this path. Is there someone (a minister, trusted adult friend, teacher) who can help you on the next steps in this journey? It may be time to set down some tangible goals for next year, whether it’s getting a job on campus, how you’re going to get to campus, what kinds of activites you may want to be involved in, what kind of supports/mentoring you may feel you need. Campus health has counselors that can work with you on some of these things, as well as the family issues I’m sure you don’t want to share here.</p>
<p>My thinking is that if you start some thinking about and planning for your immediate future, it may help to distract you from the other noise in your life. It will not always be easy, but if you can start off college with an attitude of succeeding, not just surviving, you will be one step ahead of the game. There ARE folks who will help you and not judge. You have to find them, but they ARE out there.</p>
<p>Whenever I went through some trials in my personal life that began to get in the way of my academic goals…I would always think of the children that I wish to have one day. They would be my motivation for working harder to not let anything effect my academic coursework and goals. Think of what you’ve gone through and think about your future children…would you like your children to go through the same struggles you’ve gone through. I hope this thought helps to motivate and strengthen you as you continue in life.</p>
<p>Don’t discount your feelings. Knowing that “things can be worse” is little comfort if you’re already in an uncomfortable situation. </p>
<p>Have you thought about talking to a therapist or school counselor? When I was in school, I was very reluctant to accept that kind of help, but we can’t always “push through” our problems on our own. Sometimes you need help recognizing what your problems truly are and what the best way is to deal with them. At the very least, a counselor will offer a non-judgmental ear for you to vent your frustration.</p>
<p>Dr. Horse is right–if you have a choice of colleges, go to the one furthest from home. I also recommend talking to your school counselor. I realize this isn’t senioritis, but you may be feeling some fear about leaving the devil that you know, even if it does drag you down. You may also be feeling some guilt about leaving your family to deal with it’s own mess without you (I’m guessing they count on you quite a bit). These are just guesses, but if you talk to a counselor (who is there just for that purpose and has heard every story imaginable), he or she may be able to tease out what is really bothering you. You’ve obviously overcome a lot through your academics, but that was within your control. Your family isn’t, and letting them take care of themselves will surely be a tougher hurdle. But you clearly have what it takes. So hang in there. You will overcome ALL of it.</p>
<p>My theory is that we all have defenses that protect us, while we are stuck in whatever situation we are in: it is called adaptation. But as you get near the end of the situation in which you are trapped, the defenses start to come down and you feel more of what you have been blocking for years. Do you think that is what is happening?</p>
<p>The other important thing to know is that it isn’t as simple as getting out and getting free. You carry that adaptation with you. It is like the disorientation someone from the city feels, when sleeping in the country. Your adrenalin continues even when you are away from the home situation that stoked it. </p>
<p>It can take time and a lot of wisdom to make the transition from a dysfunctional home to some level of comfort on your own. As someone said, it is the devil you know, and you have put a lot of unconscious effort toward living with it. It can be a bit of a void when you no longer have that misery to take up your energy. </p>
<p>I second what others have said: find a counselor to help you for now, and also as you go through transitions ahead. It does not mean you have a problem, it just means you are being smart about avoiding one. Having a person outside your life can give you a detachment and perspective that is really helpful with these huge transitions. You can talk about fishing, or music, or whatever you want. Groups, including self-help groups, can be good too.</p>
<p>Every one I know who managed to leave a dysfunctional family to go to college -and I know many – encountered challenges as their departure date neared because various family members would do things to try to erode their confidence or make them feel guilty enough to stay with the family.</p>
<p>I strongly support the suggestions that you start talking now with your guidance counselor, minister or other wise adult who can help you through the next few months.</p>
<p>More advice: Don’t count on anything from your family, not even a ride to the bus or train station to get to college. I’ve seen students who came from your kind of background who almost didn’t get to college because family members promised something like a ride to the bus station, and then didn’t show up, showed up late or incited some kind of argument at that time.</p>
<p>And do get a job ASAP. No matter how large your scholarship is, you’ll still need money for things like incidentals, transportation, etc.</p>
<p>I can really relate to you. My home life growing up was a nightmare, poverty, crime, and general negligence that derived out of my parents. Though you’re in a better position than I was when I was your age. I know it’s hard to focus on school when you’re miserable. </p>
<p>What I suggest is to move as far away from that situation as possible. Being out of an environment that discourages your personal growth is phenomenally hard to work through. What helped me the most in life was completely eradicating myself from my parents and home life and move to an entirely new foundation. I’ve felt more personal success in this one year as I have in my entire life.</p>
<p>Since you have good grade and test scores (from what you say) I’d suggest going to a school as far away from your parent and home life as possible. That way you can feel as though those strings are no longer pulling you down and you can focus on your future as an independent person. It’s true that running away doesn’t simply solve the problem but it makes it much more manageable.</p>
<p>What’s really helpful is to have supportive relationships to keep you going. Sometimes having a good friend to be there when you break down is beneficiary. I wouldn’t be able to get over my stress without my husband. It makes all the world difference just to be able to speak to someone about your troubles. See if there is a counselor you can talk to if you don’t feel comfortable talking about this with friends.</p>
<p>I just thought you might want to know but i’m in a similar boat
I also live in a family who fights all the time and honestly, i’d be happier if they would just neglect me because they won’t let me do anything…
my parents seem to believe that being locked in your room to study is the best way to get into college… -.-;;
then they go out and get into trouble, wow.
anyways… i learned how to cope by writing. writing a story about … a fantasy romance, an epic novel, a … poem? lol
i know it’s not exactly the best solution, but an immediate solution could be watching Korean Dramas? they’re extremely entertaining and offer much inspiration on what kind of romance stories xD</p>
<p>on the more serious note, i found God. remember he’s always there to listen to your prayers and that despite the feeling that you are alone, you’re not. When i found him this past year, it felt so good just to be able to be totally honest with “someone”… i don’t know if you’re religious at all or not, but that’s something that really helped me get by in my darkest hours.
(did i sound really preachy? if so, i didn’t mean to… :D)</p>
<p>if that doesn’t really help, just be glad you’re almost there. as for me, i’m stuck in this hellhole for a whole 'nother year.
keep your head up and that smile on. You’re almost there. :]
feel free to PM me anytime you want someone to talk to :]</p>
