<p>Hang in there! You're on your way to a new life with positive people you can learn to trust.</p>
<p>Try to find a job at at a summer camp so you don't have to spend the summer around your family. I agree with other posters who recommend finding a job once you arrive at school.</p>
<p>like llsjoakamell I have also been through a bad childhood (immigrant family, poverty, family members getting convicted of certain crimes, etc.) and I just got over it this year when I wrote my college essay about my whole situation. You don't necessarily have to write an essay but writing about it really helps. And if you have a school psychologist try talking to him or her. It good to have somebody to talk about your situation and you may be able to resolve some of your emotions (anger, sadness, and even some hidden ones) like I did.
I wish the best of luck in senior year and in college and trust that kids like us usually find college easier than high school.
Good Luck and if you need anymore advice just message me.</p>
<p>My life was nigtmarish like yours when I was 8 years old. I lived in a gang neighbourhood, as my parents, brother and I were new immigrants that just needed a place to stay.</p>
<p>I think you need to think of two things when you're in such a position:
- Things will change...most probably for better in your case.
- This one is going to be a cliche but...but it's always darkest before dawn.</p>
<p>Picture yourself in your dorm room on campus this fall. Hang in there. You will make it. You can do it. Do you have a good plan for the summer?</p>
<p>dukeletter--Congratulations on all you've accomplished so far. I'm glad to see that you've gotten some helpful advice and support on this thread. But one word of warning: Although going to college (perhaps far away) can give you a fresh start and a chance to continue your successful track record without the daily intrusions of your family's dysfunction, do be aware that freshman year may not provide instant relief from your problems. </p>
<p>Approach college with two opposing ideas in mind at once: First, that it's going to be great--a road to freedom from your past. But, at the same time, it could be a rocky road. Ghosts from your childhood may haunt you, even if you're far away. If your finances are tight, you may be surrounded by dorm-mates who spend many nights in pricey clubs or who are always planning weekend and holiday travel extravaganzas. This may make you feel like an outsider. Try to find others who share your interests and needs. (Some colleges even have organizations specifically for low-income students.) Take advantage of your college's (free!) counseling services at the first signs of faltering and of faculty office hours or your school's academic advising system if you struggle in any of your classes.</p>
<p>Hopefully, you will find that getting away and starting anew will offer exactly what you require, yet also don't worry if college doesn't immediately prove to be a silver problem-solving bullet. You have much happiness ahead of you, but freshman year can be an adjustment for everyone, even those who have lots of support from home, so try to be patient if you face additional obstacles. You've already proved to yourself that you can surmount many hurdles, so don't be daunted if you encounter more.</p>
<p>You've gotten wonderful advice, isn't it great to have CC as a resource? Sally's above post is excellent. Also, be aware that even in the best family home situations, seniors feel confilcted between upcoming college plans and the family that will be left behind. Many seniors act out, its like the little bird, stirring up the nest so he will be pushed out and learn to fly. </p>
<p>Congratualtions on all you've achieved.</p>
<p>CC parents are the best. Yes, the advice of counseling is spot on, getting a job for extra cash is importent (don't be surprised if your family tries to lay claim to your money to keep you tied to them). Hide as much of your money as possible. (Sorry folks, sans the abusive/criminal element my parents always needed extra money). Know that you are coming to the finish line. Breathe in and out. And then you are at the starting line for the rest of YOUR life.</p>
<p>See if your new university has a mentor program. A local person with a family (man or woman) can help you over the rough patches and give you the advice that you didn't have growing up. Yes, take advantage of a good counselor at your school.</p>
<p>You are almost there. Breathe in...and out...The worst is almost done.</p>
<p>Yo!</p>
<p>I come from similar situation</p>
<p>USE YOUR HARDSHIPS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!</p>
<p>make sure to write about them in essays!</p>
<p>You did a great job so far. Surround yourself with good people and please don't fall off the wagon! You worked too hard to get at where you are right now. Make yourself proud of your accomplishments and good luck!</p>
<p>I second what a lot of other people have said: Find someone to talk to, take it one day at a time and figure out a way to get out of your environment for college. It is always hard to grow up and move out, no matter how much you hated your home environment. It is also not at all uncommon for family members (and friends) who are not college grads or college bound to make bright, college-bound kids feel bad or guilty about the upcoming higher ed opportunities. (This comes for a former psych prof. who says she witnesses this in her students often). It makes sense, I think: They see you moving above and beyond the parameters of their existence and this makes them feel insecure about their own status in life. Crabs in a bucket, unfortunately. Not saying that this is necessarily what is going on with you, but it happens.</p>
<p>I also hated my childhood and did not finish H.S. I am now in a community college, having started back at age 22. Although I am grateful for my community college experience and am doing very well here, I am also constantly reminded that I am older than many classmates. You are clearly a bright, motivated person. I can almost guarantee you that, if you do not go to college now, you will feel the urge (need!) to go soon in the future. So, why not do it now, when it is most convenient?! If you drop out now, you will severely limit your options to apply once you want to. More than likely, you will need to start back at a community college and then transfer. Why not save yourself the agony and time and just finish up your High School degree?</p>
<p>Even if you decide to take a year or two off, you will have a MUCH, MUCH greater range of schools to apply to with a HS degree! </p>
<p>Taking some time off is definitely the right step for some people, that is true without a doubt. However, based on my experience and that of other older students I know, you will invariably want to return to school and you will invariably have a "I could kick myself" attitude about not returning to school sooner when you see all the 18 and 17 year old freshman that are your classmates! ;)</p>
<p>You can do it, and stay focused on the Finish Line right there in front of you. Spend some time with your school friends who you may never see again. Take time to visit your favorite teachers in school and thank them for their help. Listen to their advice. Be patient. Stay calm.</p>
<p>It took me twelve years and a tour of duty in the Marines, but I finally obtained two degrees. I never got a dime from my family for school and I was always the poorest kid in college. If you want an education bad enough you will find a way to get it. There are plenty of people standing by waiting to help you. Good Luck!</p>
<p>Good luck! It's an accomplishment that you've come this far.</p>
<p>Going to university is going to be very rewarding for you. Every aspect of life is much better in a positive environment, like your new university, than in an unhealthy environment. Plus, education will open doors which you can currently only dream of.</p>
<p>But make no mistake: Going to university will be a big change for you. The university setting will be a very different environment than you're currently used to. People will have different behaviors, attitudes and ways of being than you're used to. Overall, the way one relates to a positive environment can be very different than the way one relates to an unhealthy environment. Indeed, the behaviors that worked in an unhealthy environment are often counterproductive in a positive environment.</p>
<p>It sounds like you're ready to move on from the unhealthy environment you're in. That's a good sign. When someone is really ready to move on from an unhealthy environment, they can usually quickly adopt new ways of being which work in positive environments. It's good to be open to new ways of being which work in a positive environment. These new ways of being are so much more rewarding than being the kind of person you have to be to survive in an unhealthy environment.</p>
<p>It's likely that people you meet in university are going to be supportive of you and your desire to move forward in life. You won't have to do it alone. Some people in your current environment may also be supportive of your goal to attend university. These relationships are valuable - they're worth preserving even if you move across the country. Unfortunately, other people might be passively or even actively unsupportive. It will be important to disregard what the second type of person thinks of your choices. You have to be unconcerned, not just externally but also internally, about their lack of approval. Relationships with such people might not even survive because of the changes you make in your life. But if a friend is no longer a friend because you decided to move forward, were they really your friend in the first place? Remember this if any of your relationships don't survive.</p>
<p>I agree with everyone who said that it will help to have people you can talk to in your current environment. As a corollary to the above, make sure the people you decide to talk to are the supportive ones rather than the unsupportive ones. It might not be immediately obvious which is which.</p>
<p>I also agree with compmom. It's likely that you block any reactions to your current environment while you're still in it. When you finally get out of an unhealthy environment is when your feelings about the environment rise to the surface. It can take a long time for the adrenaline to quiet down so you can feel normal. I mention this not to be depressing, but to help you identify these feelings if you have them. If you have these feelings, any good university has counselors you can talk to, usually for free. Any reactions you have to your current environment can be dealt with, especially if you have someone to talk to.</p>
<p>I also agree with Northstarmom. Unfortunately, there is some chance that other people will try to sabotage your attendance at university. I knew someone in university who was from a dysfunctional family. In fact, his family situation was bad enough that he was a ward of the state. Still, he was in contact with his family. Over winter break, he visited his mother. During that visit, the expensive computer he'd purchased to help him succeed in school mysteriously broke. As a practical matter, it's good to minimize the chances people have to stab you in the back. It helps to have eyes in the back of your head. As someone from a dangerous neighborhood, you probably already do. The good news is that most ways in which people can sabotage you can be avoided if you're careful.</p>
<p>Finally, never feel bad about running away. Leaving a dysfunctional environment can only help you.</p>
<p>It takes an inner strength to succeed in university. If you've come this far despite your current environment, you clearly have that inner strength. You can use your inner strength to succeed in university and earn a degree. Good luck!</p>
<p>I am assuming that either alcohol or drugs are involved in your family. If not, please ignore this post.</p>
<p>A great resource not mentioned is Alateen (part of Al-anon). It is free (donations accepted but not required) and it is all over the country. You will find kids there who are growing up in families like yours. Some of them won't have coped as well as you, but the feelings on the inside are the same, so don't judge by the outside.</p>
<p>Here is their website with links to local meetings</p>
<p>Welcome</a> to Al-Anon and Alateen</p>
<p>THere aren't as many Al-ateen groups as there are adult Al-anon groups, so if you can't find a teen group, feel free to go to an adult group. Be open to that they will be older, but as a HS senior you should be able to cope. You will find help.</p>
<p>Another group that may be helpful -- whether or not alcohol or drug abuse/addiction is in your family -- is Adult Children of Alcoholics Al-Anon or Children of Alcoholic groups. They are useful to people from all sorts of dysfunctional families. The books designed for such people also are very helpful for people from dysfunctional families. My favorite such book is "Guide to Recovery" by Herbert Gravitz. You can get it cheap on Amazon used.</p>
<p>My family wasn't on the front page of the newspapers but I was raised by wolves. My biggest concern about getting away was leaving two of my younger siblings behind to bear the brunt. And it did get very, very bad for them after I left as I used to take most of it.</p>
<p>If there are younger siblings, get yourself out and established and then help them get out. You will give them hope and try not to let the "survivor's guilt" draw you back in. As soon as my siblings got in to college, I let them stay with me over the summers so they would not have to return to my parent's home and I used to keep in contact with them as much as possible to let them know I hadn't forgotten them.</p>
<p>I would be lying if I didn't say I don't carry some of that guilt around with me today though.</p>
<p>I would also advise you to go away for college.</p>
<p>I've had a pretty happy childhood, but there was a short time when things were really, really bad and for a while I succumbed. But when I was triumphing over that, I just always remembered that everything was transitory, and it seemed to help.</p>
<p>Have something to hang on to. For me, it's ballet. No matter how bad everything is, ballet makes me happy. Even if the studio's closed, even if the weather's bad, even if last week there was a kid shot on the pathway there, I'll walk to ballet just because being there makes me happy, even though the walk takes hours and I can only stay for 10 minutes if I don't want to walk through dangerous places in the dark. It's just nice to have a sure thing.</p>
<p>hey i'm new here-
i saw your post and i felt i had to reply. I know it's hard- i had a tough time groing up, having no parents, being raised by a grandmother and dealing with the generation gap, being overweight, having bipolar disorder, taking anti-depressants and dealing with other family issues. </p>
<p>It can seem like it never ends- but don't give up now. I guarentee when you put on that robe and walk into the future, it will be one of the most gratifying experiences of your life. College can be difficult, but it's a step towards an independence that will make you realize how trivial some things were in highschool - now I'm NOT saying your life issues are trivial, but i am saying that some of the smaller things that wear you down won't matter as much, and you'll feel like you'll be able to breathe again.</p>
<p>stick it out. it's so worth it. it may be a fight now, but once you get past it, things will be better.
if you need someone to talk to, message me- email me at <a href="mailto:kng22@netscape.com">kng22@netscape.com</a>.
stay tough, and most of all, stay true to yourself,
Kate <3</p>
<p>Dear dukeletter,</p>
<p>Honestly, I can relate to your anxiety and fears. Aside from the criminal charges part, your life sounds eerily similar to my own when I was a senior in high school. Before I say anything else, I want to say congratulations on doing well in school and on your SAT. That is outstanding considering your circumstances and environment. It also shows the depth of your character and your ability to rise above the problems and issues in your life. </p>
<p>There are some things that you need to realize in order to be successful not only in school but in life. First, realize that there are circumstances that are beyond your control. As much as you want to change them (and I know you do... I get the impression that you are someone with a big heart that wants to help others), there are some things that you simply cannot change no matter how hard you try. You are a fixer, aren't you? If you see a problem, you want to fix it. That's not a bad thing at all, just know that there are going to be issues and problems that you (or anyone else) can't fix. </p>
<p>Next, realize that college is a new beginning and is very different from high school. Regardless of whether you go to college close to home or far away, you will meet a new group of friends and colleagues. Most people are not going to pre-judge you based on who your parents are or what they have done. You can start with a clean, fresh slate. That being said, don't ever be ashamed of who you are. You are an example for others. There are more people out there than you realize that have the same problems and fears. You can be an inspiration to them and show that you can be better than your surroundings.</p>
<p>It is very important that you surround yourself with positive people. Negativity is the biggest killer of dreams and ambitions. Be around others that will encourage and support you and will focus on your accomplishments rather than your failures. And it is okay to fail -- it happens to everyone. Don't dwell on what is wrong in your life. Instead, be thankful for what is right. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something. Tune them out and don't listen. You can do whatever you set your mind to and you can be whomever you want to be. There may be some that want to judge you because of your past or who your parents are -- that is inevitable. Realize they are a VERY small portion of the people in your town, state, and country. And again, don't listen to them and don't let them bring you down. </p>
<p>I had a few people in my life that have told me I'll never be anybody or accomplish anything. For a while, I believed them. Until I found the strength and the courage to stop listening to them and to focus on making my dreams a reality. Is my life perfect? No, far from it. There will always be problems and struggles. I can't change that. What I can change is my attitude and my perception of those issues. I can let them be a mountain blocking my path or I can make them an anthill that I can simply step over. You can do the same thing. And by the way, for those who said I wouldn't amount to anything -- I am now a published author with a wonderful wife and beautiful children. </p>
<p>So, pat yourself on the back and hang in there. You'll be fine, trust me!</p>
<p>I can relate to the amount of mental energy needed to deal with turmoil at home. It can steal your soul and your ability to motivate yourself. You must be very strong and remind yourself that your life will not always be this way. Do everything in your power to get away and be your true self, not your parent's child. Fight for your best life and don't let anyone pull you under. This is the "crawfish-bucket effect" that comes with a dysfunctional family: If you've ever observed crawfish in a bucket, you'll see that as soon as one manages to push and crawl up to the rim of the bucket, the ones in the bottom grab and hang onto its tail so that it falls back in with them. You've got to be fast and strong to get out, and I can tell from your writing that you have what it takes to break free and do well.</p>
<p>I agree with the poster who said such families will become more motivated to pull you under the closer you get to leaving them. I've seen it over and over and it is heartbreaking. I think finding a job as a counselor at a summer camp is an excellent idea. You can get away early and be in a positive environment, and have an adventure. Go away to college and don't let anything stop you. Keep telling yourself that your current situation is temporary, you are strong and worth fighting for, and you will become the person you choose to become. You are powerful and you are smart. Prove everyone in your community wrong. Show them that you are not your parents.</p>
<p>Others have risen up from the same place as you, and I know you can do it too. Face into the wind and keep walking! Everyday another step in a new direction. And do talk to someone (an adult) you trust and who can support you: a teacher, a counselor, a friend's parent, a minister. A compassionate, wise adult can offer you counsel that your parents aren't capable of giving and can keep you strong.</p>
<p>I've worked with many kids who have backgrounds similar to your for 25 years, and no matter how long I do I'll never fully understand how kids like you do what you do despite your surroundings.</p>
<p>Know that by coming out of this environment the way you have means success is going to happen for you. Just keep marching forward because you can clearly handle whatever life throws at you. </p>
<p>Reach out for all the support you can when you get to college. Good luck, but it's your tenacity that will see you through.</p>