As stated above, I’m transferring to a new school for this upcoming Fall. I’ll be a sophomore going in. The school I was previously at is a prestigious private school, but the social atmosphere was very…uppity. But now I’ve decided to go to my state school. My best friend for 3/4 years of high school already goes there, and throughout this past year, I found myself driving to her university almost every weekend. It was way more fun and the people were more open and diverse.
The thing is my best friend (lets call her Molly) and I have gone through a lot together, but we are vastly different people. Just to include some examples: in high school, I was very “into” socializing. I was student body president, as well as in almost every club in school. She opened up a lot our senior of high school because she was also in a lot of the clubs I was in. But she doesn’t like people. And it’s not in a bad way, she just prefers alone time. When we meet new people, I’m always open to hanging out and Molly is not usually very fond. A lot of people in high school didn’t even realize we were best friends until the spring of our senior year because we were so different. When people meet us, it’s black and white, night and day, etc. I’m just worried because I’m transferring because I wasn’t happy with the social scene. But what if I end up clinging to her or what if our differences really begin to show if we live together? If I could think of one apparent reason as to why I wouldn’t want to live with her is that she gets in/out of relationships fast. She hasn’t gone 6 months single since I knew her in high school. The dorms have a rule about guests having to leave at 12am weekdays and 2am weekends, which makes it easier. I don’t mind leaving the room every now and then, but the only thing that bothers me is that she can’t just be alone (relationship-wise) yet she’s one of the most independent people I know (confusing, right?). We’ve openly had this conversation about her relationship habits btw. I’m the kind of person who has lots of friends, but rarely in relationships; she’s the exact opposite. We got e-mails about room assignments today and I got the dorm building we both wanted and she ended up in our second choice building. I requested her a month ago, but she had already sent in hers so she e-mailed the res life. Maybe this is an opportunity for me to rethink things? The res life director won’t be in until next Monday, which gives me time to contemplate all this. Any thoughts/opinions?
As a side question if anyone can provide input, at my old college I was friends with more males. One of these males was super clingy because he had a bad break up at the beginning of the year. We got really close. He texted every single day because he wasn’t very good at making friends, which I was fine with. The second semester rolled around and he found his “group.” We haven’t talked much the spring semester, which is cool imo. We still talk every now and then now, but because Molly was at a different University, she could never meet my male friends at my college. The one friend that was clingy is always going on about wanting a girlfriend. Coincidentally, Molly is now single. She has never met him (let’s say matt). But lately we’d be hanging out and she would talk about if I wanted to find a bf this year, which I honestly couldn’t care less about. With this conversation comes her bringing up how she’s single and that I should hook her up. My reply was how could I hook her up with someone if I’m new to the university. She said I could introduce her to someone at my old school. But I really want a fresh start and Matt rarely talks to me now anyway. I may be the more naive between us, but I’m not stupid. I used to tell Molly about how Matt’s dependency was a bit much for me because strangely enough, in relationships I’m more independent while Molly openly told me she wants someone clingy and nice. which is how I used to describe Matt. We were dining out together and I told her about a recent conversation I had with Matt, which was around the time she would keep pushing about me needing to introduce her to someone. I kind of don’t like that because I played match maker once in high school for her and they ended at 3 months. The guy I introduced her to/ my old friend from middle school days doesn’t talk to neither of us. I also don’t like being used for the friends I know. I tried to bring it up to her and signal that I do not want to introduce her to any of my friends from my old college with the excuse of just wanting to start clean. Truth is, Matt is a very sweet guy and Molly is not the nice type imo. She loves affection in relationships, but she started going to counseling (for other reasons) this year and one of the things she told me her counselor said was that Molly has a problem with control. Many of her relationships ended because she likes to be the one in charge. Molly has a way of really pushing people. The most recent break up almost ended in abuse because she entered her ex bf’s house to grab her things but that ended up in yelling and glass being broken. I ran into the house when I heard her scream. Her ex bf told me it wasn’t a good idea for her to be in his house and I immediately got her out. I don’t want to victim blame (if that’s even the case) because she shouldn’t have barged in and provoked him. I just don’t know what to do. Her relationships shouldn’t be any of my business even if we are best friends, but if we live together for 10 months…I just don’t know what to do