I go to a northeastern college, which wasn’t my first choice. I wanted to go to a college in california, but my mother forced me to go the northeastern college because it is closer to home and because they gave me more financial aid. I didn’t care about the financial aid because my dream was to go to a college in california. Ever since I arrived to the northeastern college, I have been unhappy even though I tried to be positive. Academic wise I think I am doing fine, but socially I am having a horrible time. I try to be outgoing even though I am shy and yet no one really wants to be friends with me. This school is big party school and I wish I can go out more but because I do not have friends and my roommate excludes me from everything I feel very alone. I call my mother at least 4x a day just so I can communicate with someone. And it makes me very sad that my high school friends are having a great time while I am sitting in my dorm do nothing. I feel bad but I always tell my mom that it is her fault why I am having a miserable time here because this was not the school that I wanted to go to, it has gotten to the point where she said I can transfer. I want to transfer but I fear that the same situation will happen wherever I go.
“I wanted to go to a college in california, but my mother forced me to go the northeastern college because it is closer to home and because they gave me more financial aid. I didn’t care about the financial aid because my dream was to go to a college in california.”
If you need a lot of financial aid, you need to look for affordable places for transfer. Talk with your mom about the money situation, so you know where to look.
“…my roommate excludes me from everything I feel very alone.”
As long as you and your roommate can be civil with each other and not fight, that is enough. Don’t expect your roommate to be your friend.
“I call my mother at least 4x a day just so I can communicate with someone…I feel bad but I always tell my mom that it is her fault why I am having a miserable time here…”
It is not your mom’s fault that you are miserable. It may be your own fault, or it may be just the whole process of getting adjusted to college. First thing on Monday, get yourself into the counseling center on campus and get an appointment with one of the counselors there. You need to talk with someone who is an expert on college students and who isn’t your mom. The counselors’ whole job is to help students figure out whatever it is they need to figure out so that they can be successful in college. They will help you determine whether transferring really is the correct thing for you to do, and they will help you find good ways to meet people and develop a social life either at your current (if you decide to stay) or somewhere else (if you do transfer).
I am sorry you are so unhappy but if you are not footing the bill for college and your parents are, then they have a say on where you attend. Financial aid is a big deal if you are not paying the bills. As an OOS student, California schools can cost upwards of $55K/year so unless you are independently wealthy, your parents are correct in their belief that you should attend a school with good financial aid. I am sure your Mom is aware of your unhappiness, so what does have to say about the situation other than supporting your transfer?
You are only a few months into your Freshman year and you need to give yourself more time to get adjusted to the school. Every school has parties and every school will have students that feel the same way you do. You need to seek out these type of students. Christian clubs are a good source for like minded students. Also many freshman make the mistake that their roommate will be the their best friends. Although not an ideal situation, if you can at least tolerate each other, you are in a better place than if you absolutely hate each other.
Make a conscious effort to put yourself out there and to talk to students in your classes. Ask to sit with some students at lunch or dinner and try to get a conservation going. It is very hard to try to forge new friendships after HS, but if you make an effort and I am sure it will pay off.
I would also seek out your campus counseling center since I am sure you are not the only Freshman that feels the same way. If you find that transfer is your only option, I caution you in that depending upon which schools you plan to apply, many will only accept Junior level transfers. Also you will be starting all over again, trying to forge friendships from scratch. Remember the grass is not always greener somewhere else.
Good Luck and if California is your dream, consider attending Grad school.
One of the huge reasons a number of students cannot go to college in California is cost. @-)
The California public schools are very expensive for out of state students (UCs=$55K per year, CSU’s=$36K per year.)
The privates are even more expensive (~$60K per year). ^:)^
Maybe your mother couldn’t tell you that CALIFORNIA was just too expensive.
Of course YOU didn’t care about the financial aid because you weren’t the one who would have to repay $200,000! Your mother would have to pay that because there is no where in Hades that would loan **YOU, an unemployed student, **that kind of money!
As a transfer student, it is even more difficult and expensive. You need to either work with what you have in your current university, or search for cheap transfer schools-cuz you aint getting any financial aid money as a transfer.
Don’t blame your mother and try to guilt her about your situation; you went in expecting to be miserable because it wasn’t a California school.
I agree with @Happymomof1, your roommate is not supposed to entertain you. Your dorm is a place to sleep and store your things. Anything else is icing on the cake.
You need to talk to a counselor. My dd went through the same thing her first quarter at her school in CALIFORNIA! Locale, in CALIFORNIA does not change the issue.
She joined clubs but didn’t feel comfortable in those. She learned that her best options were in the volunteer network. Once she started volunteering, she made lots of friends with similar goals. Get out of your shell and out of your dorm room, and study your campus; there should be lots to do. Or, get a local part time job. Otherwise, graduate and look for a job in California, but beware, our cost of living is ridiculously high.
There’s not much financial aid for transfers, so I wouldn’t give up on your current situation without having a financially affordable option unless you’re satisfied with community college being your backup plan. If you need financial aid, you need to let go of the CA schools because they’re often too expensive for OOS students. How much can your parents afford/year? What were your SAT/GPA scores? Look for schools that you have a good chance of being admitted to that will be affordable for your family. But don’t withdraw from your current school unless you have an acceptance to an affordable school.
I agree that you should see your school counselor. I also think you should quit blaming your mom because you’re unhappy. If you let yourself believe you won’t be happy unless you’re at your dream school, it’s going to be tough being happy anywhere else. Have you tried joining clubs? Are there activities you could join? My son’s college posts a weekly lists of activities. See if your school does too. When you go to events, look around to see if there’s anyone there on their own. I’m pretty sure there are other freshmen in your situation. If you try to find them, it will shift your focus from your situation and that may help your attitude. Good luck.
CA schools won’t change that.
Kids who go to Calif often find that they can’t make friends there, either. Calif is not some magic place where “shy” students make new friends.
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but my mother forced me to go the northeastern college because it is closer to home and because they gave me more financial aid. I didn't care about the financial aid because my dream was to go to a college in california.
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hmmm…you don’t care about financial aid… Do you have a treasure chest somewhere that will pay your tuition? If not, then how would it get paid?
YOU can only borrow $5,500 as a frosh and $6500 as a soph.
That’s not enough to pay for any Calif school…so…unless you have a trust fund somewhere or you trip over a pot of gold while looking at the next rainbow, how will not caring about FA get the bills paid? Please tell us because there are literally millions of kids who’d like to know how they can go to the school of their dreams and not care about FA.
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but I always tell my mom that it is her fault
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does she tell you that it’s your fault that you weren’t a perfect stats student who could have gotten a free ride somewhere in Calif?
Now…go put on some big-girl pants and make the most of the golden opportunity you have at your NE school. There are millions of kids who’d give their right arm to be in your shoes. Oh, and go apologize to your mom.
Is this for real?
Have you thought of talking to your RA about switching roommates at the semester?
Did you go to the student organization fair?
What have you done to get involved on campus and meet new people?
And if you can’t deal with this…I bet your school in the northeast has a counseling center too.
Honestly, you are having several issues - homesick, the grass is greener, selfishness (about this school giving more financial aid and you don’t care about that - clearly your mother saw that the place you are at is great for the cost/benefit, and you have a very immature attitude about affordability and how your mother has to think about her own personal finances, having enough for retirement while not either taking on debt or saddling you with student loans either).
There are a lot of techniques to find happiness - first you find it inside. You like yourself. You look to the opportunities at hand to better yourself and work towards your short term and long term goals.
You look to how you can be of service to others around you. Are you feeling so sorry for yourself that you are a real downer, or are you fun to be around? You have to put yourself out there. Are you being kind to your roommates? Why are people avoiding you?
I do not buy the label that the school is a big party school. Every school has the par-tiers.
You think other friends are having a good time because they went where they wanted to go? Again, the grass is greener.
My DD has a room-mate that had to get an attitude adjustment because she wanted to go to another school too. This gal has been very privileged, and is not getting along well with room-mates because she is so self centered, has no clue when she does selfish things. It is all about her.
You need to adjust your attitude and seek out how to find your tribe socially. Transferring will not solve your problems. Get your degree where you are at.
This reminds me about a woman who says she hates her job - yet she enjoys the pay, benefits, etc. She needed to start writing down what she liked and turn her attitude around.
Don’t blame your mom for your unhappiness. You should thank her every day for being financially wise in regards to her future and yours. You are coming across as a spoiled brat. Get over yourself and change your attitude. IMO, transferring won’t necessarily make things any better.
You say all your HS friends are having a great time etc., but are they really? Sometimes if you are looking at their social media profiles and pictures it can come across that way, but most of the time these are misleading and they may be having freshmen woes as well. My advice: get off of social media for a while and get involved on campus. Try to find like minded people, and you will if you join clubs that interest you. Seek counseling from your school. They want you to succeed and be happy.
Apologize to your mom. She deserves respect, not vilification.
Stop guilt tripping your mother. People don’t want to be friends with you because you’re shy and it’s going to take extra effort to put yourself out there if you want to make friends.
Life is unfair and sometimes you don’t get to go to your dream college. Be grateful for what you have. Not every kids even gets to go to college.
Join some clubs, get outside, find other ways to make the most of your extra time that isn’t calling your mother all the time and blaming her for your unhappiness. Grow up. Welcome to the adult world. It’s only going to get harder from here.
while I do think you guys are trying to help me, I feel like you guys are just yelling at me. Maybe it was the way I wrote it, but I’m not fully blaming my mother… and I have tried to go to the fairs and try to be social but I really just think that I don’t belong in this environment. I clearly know that going to a california school won’t change anything but it has gotten to the point where I told my mom that I am so unhappy that I rather go to my community college which people in my high school look down upon. The way I posted it may have come off as a person who is just whining, but I am physically not happy and I don’t even have to go to california it could be anywhere. Is there anyone who can comment that can maybe relate to what I am going through or someone who transferred and why they transferred rather than people just commenting and saying things that are making me feel worse because I don’t need an attitude adjustment I think the people at my school needs one.
“I am physically not happy and I don’t even have to go to california it could be anywhere”
Did you get to the counseling center yet? This isn’t so you get an attitude adjustment, but rather so that you get the very best advice you can for your decision-making.
You have a lot of difficult things to think about. You will give up a significant scholarship, and have very little chance of getting an equivalent one anywhere else once you are a transfer. You need to know what the financial consequences are. Can you and your mom easily pay for the community college? Will you stay at the CC until you have your associates degree? Will you want to transfer later to a 4-year college/university, or will you complete a shorter career-focused program instead? If you expect to transfer, what financial limits will you and your mother face?
I know a number of students who transferred to a CC after a miserable semester or two at the wrong college/university, and then transferred to a 4-year college/university that was a better match for them. There is nothing wrong at all in choosing that pathway if it is going to be a good one for you.
Get out of your dorm room and explore your campus.
Volunteer at the school’ss clinic, the admin and housing offices. They need people who are willing to work for the university as guides and student ambassadors. You’ll make friends and feel great about your school.
Advice most kids/parents have had in your situation is stick through it the year if possible. If you have financial aid in place that you would lose (scholarships for example) you need to be very careful. Do you take a gap semester? Maybe stick through the year, and take CC courses next summer close to home and then decide?
First off, you went in with a crappy attitude and haven’t really made an attempt. So, of course, you hate it and will continue to guilt trip your parents until you (you hope) get your way.
Second, it really doesn’t make any difference where YOU want to go when it involves extra money your parents are paying. Unless you’re footing the bill, show some humility. Your attitude is incredibly self-serving. My kid would like to go to a lot of schools but she knows it will all depend on finances. She doesn’t blame the family.
I’m sure part of your loneliness stems from broadcasting your disdain far and wide. Your disdain is so so clear here.
There’s not much else to say because your mind is made up. Your mom is horrible forcing you to go there. There’s anger or gratefulness. Your choice.
1° Have you gone to the Counselling center yet? So that they can see where you need help and how they can help you feel better.
2° Join 4 clubs that meet on 4 different days. Go to the meetings. Introduce yourself. Report back here to let us know what clubs, so we can see what interests you; in a week to let us know what you thought about them (they may not be interesting but they mayhave interesting people in them).
3° How are you doing in your classes? Do you have your midterms grades back yet? It’s ESSENTIAL you study hard and get good grades because otherwise no college will want to admit you as a transfer.
4° a-Think long and hard: what universities are near enough to your home that you’d commute there?
b- Since you’d commute, and many others would commute, how would you handle no longer being in a dorm surrounded by students, but living at home as if you were back in HS?
5° Plan to spend a year at that college. If in March things aren’t better, then think of going to the community college, but don’t throw away a 4-year college & its scholarship money right now.
I second the suggestions to visit the counseling center at your school. D2 is on the shy side and is fearful of change and new situations. She likes her school her a lot and still struggled to get settled in during her freshman year. She got along with her roommate, but they were not close friends and did not socialize together.
After much prodding, she agreed to go to the school’s counseling center after 2 anxiety filled weeks at her school and found it to be very helpful,
She also joined several clubs, and the students she met in those clubs quickly became her friends, largely because they had something in common(the club activities), and one of those friends is her roommate this year. Service activities are a great way to meet people you have something in common with and you will be occupied with the volunteer activities, hopefully something positive that you enjoy.
Anxiety can turn into depression, and perhaps you hoped that attending a CA school would turn you into a different person, because you were already experiencing some anxiety/depression issues and simply didn’t understand what was happening.
Please reach out for counseling help at your current school and hopefully things will improve 
As far as your dream of being in California, you could always consider a CA graduate school program or look for employment there after graduation. My younger sister had the dream of going to school in CA, but it was not possible financially for her, so she attended our NE state u and moved to CA fight after graduation. She is still very happy out in CA 30 years later.
@mamag2855 thank you for your advice. I don’t know but I do feel embarrassed going to counseling, but I might consider that because I feel like I do need to talk to someone about not only my college issues but other issues. The reason why I wanted to go to CA and still do is because northeastern weather actually makes me more depress. Days are getting shorter and getting colder and always grey out… and add that to what I’m feeling in college makes my situation 10x worse.