I am officially two years into college with absolutely no friends. I feel like I made all of the wrong decisions when it comes to everything that I have done over the last two years.I have done literally everything that people keep telling me in order to make friends but none of it works. I try making conversation with people in my classes but none of them ever seem like they want to make friends. The same thing happens when I volunteer on the weekends. I am in two clubs on campus and haven’t met anyone through either of them. I don’t get along with anyone on my floor in my residence halls. They are all sorority girls- like the girls that bully you in high school. I take cycling classes at the university rec center but absolutely no luck with people. It all just feels like a waste of time to be honest. I don’t fit in here. I think there is something wrong with me- I go to a school with 30,000 plus students and haven’t met a single person wow.
Go to your counseling center today. Make an appointment and go. You will hopefully get some insight as to what might be going on and steps you can take to feel better about your situation. Feeling good about yourself is more important than anything else.
Not everyone makes friends in college. I didn’t make one single friend while I attended college. I had friends, but they were all through work and that’s who I socialized with. I didn’t let it bother me. I wanted a degree, and to me, college was my “job.” Not everyone who goes to college is going to have the best four years of their life, and that’s ok. The best years of your life are yet to come. That has certainly been true for me and many other people.
Maybe try this then - concentrate on your classes and focus your interactions with other students on academic-related things. At a minimum, this strategy should ensure that you finish school and then you can try your friend making and dating luck again in grad school.
The above advise is excellent. There is nothing wrong with you but you might set off some wrong signals. Go to counseling at school. Not that there’s anything wrong with you. This is a more common problem in college that you would assume. There are many students looking to connect with someone else right as we speak. Some people need socialization skills etc. I told my kids, just be you. You will find your people and both have but sometimes it takes effort to do so. Again, unfortunately this is a more common problem then you would think especially in today’s society. Kids just don’t socialize the same. It is much different today then 10 years ago and in my opinion electronics is not helping people to socialize.
Do things that make you happy and keep up the studying. Keep joining groups /clubs /activities that you enjoy. Don’t do anything with the idea of creating friendships. I think that dynamic has changed a bit in today’s college experience. It seems people are cordial at the activity then like everyone goes home till next time.
Be yourself but again doing a session with a school counsler might open up things that you never considered. Again, this is all to common on today’s college campus.
Tips for making friends in college
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1808143-having-trouble-adjusting-to-college-making-friends-top-10-things-to-do.html
i have no intentions on going to grad school
I wonder if you’d be happier not living on campus, since the residence hall scene is not your thing. Maybe look for a place with other non-conformists who prefer to live off campus… or with grad students.
Believe me, I’m counting down the days that I get to move out of my sucky dorm. The only people in my entire building are mean, loud sorority girls that talk about you behind your back. I would have moved out this semester but I signed a contract and didn’t want to pay the hefty fee.
What college are you attending? I
Join the gym and get buff.
@vrwcaj You expect too much from us. Maybe from other people as well.
Working out has been shown to improve emotional wellbeing and promote happiness. It’s not a ridiculous suggestion.
That said, did you read through the other posts? It sounds like you are struggling. Visiting the counseling center is not a terrible idea.
Re-read post #1.
What are your plans for the summer? Can you go study abroad next year? Do you have off campus housing lined up for next year? (From your other thread it sounds like your roommate situation sucked this year).
@vrwcaj. My friends son felt the same way during his freshman year. Nothing made sense and was working for him. He was smart enough to recognize the signs. He called his parents, they flew down to college and he admitted himself to a local hospital that addresses mental health. He slept for like 2 days straight. He is an honors straight A student at a competitive known college. He was diagnosed with depression. He was put on medication and now the happiest kid you will meet. The medication made him feel different and never affected his grades. He is now graduated and working.
As stated right off the bat. Go see the counseling center. Talk with someone. This is more common then you can imagine. Complaining and being frustrated is not going to get you anywhere. Show them this thread also. There’s a lot of good information in here for them to help you. Please report back on your progress.
@vrwcaj sounds like I hit a nErVe. Your aversion to the idea assures me that’s what you need.
joining the gym and exercising is a great hobby. It can improve your body, confidence, and friend group. Not only that but as you transform yourself others will notice and want to be like you. It’s a type of revenge on people talking about you. Consistency is the key, 45min to 1hr, 5 days a week. The gym will usually have different classes so you can exercise in a group.
@vrwcaj I am so sorry, and I hope you find your circle of friends soon. What are they saying behind your back?
This will sound incredibly insensitive, but I’m just going to throw out some extreme cases. These might require a neutral person to tell you the truth.
Do you look like you haven’t showered in a week?
Do your clothes look not-so-clean?
Do you have body odor?
Do you have bad breath?
Do you have a bitchy resting face?
Do you not notice when people say hi to you?
Do you affirm others during class? (e.g. “Cool shoes.” “That’s a really good point you made during the discussion, and I think…”)
Good luck!
I don’t know why some seem to make friends with ease while others struggle.
I have a daughter that struggles to make friends. It’s more often her perceptions that are skewed. She can be hyper-critical of others as I am also pickup in your posts.
She used to believe that changing her behavior would lack authenticity and she didn’t want to be friends with people who would not accept her as she was.
Her attitude was a block to her social development.
If all others aren’t receptive to you, I suggest working with a therapist to learn skills on how to better understand social norms and cues.
I will share my daughter has worked hard to better understand that much of her social issues stem from anxiety. She’s still a work in progress but has a boyfriend and a small circle of friends.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
Closing thread. The OP has received some good advice, but the OP’s snarky responses which I deleted lead me to believe that nothing good will result in keeping this open.