Two Years of Suspension..Potential of Expulsion

Parent Cafe
61

<p>@LostStudent12, you know what. You hit it. You are a natural offender. I don’t mean that literally but once you lose trust, it takes a lot to get it back. You can apologize until you are blue in the face and that means nothing. The only thing that will work is to show it in your actions and that doesn’t happen overnight. It can take years to win back trust. The good thing is people will give you a second chance and even then some people will never trust you (think Mike Vick). </p>

<p>So go get a job. Work hard. And let the chips fall where they may.</p>

62

<p>@Loststudent12 You are in a difficult situation, and I think taking a break will do you some good. I would work with your attorney or the ombudsman’s office to try to limit the damage that has been done with the college. Then get a job until you can get back to school. </p>

<p>Really, the most important thing is that you do not cheat again, no matter what. You really need to learn from this. Talk with your therapist about the recurrent incidents. I think it is important for you to understand why you do this repeatedly, and develop a strategy to stop doing it. Some people are addicted to alcohol or pot, and it seems that you are addicted to cheating. I think that you are focussed on your situation with the school, but really this is the most important issue to address. </p>

<p>While it probably seems overwhelming now, you can get through this. Just take it one step at a time. Try to think about the fact that you are fortunate that they are giving you another chance, and that you can become a better person in the long run. </p>

<p>Also, people’s comments can be a bit on the rough side on cc:. It will not be beneficial to respond to them negatively. If comments are unhelpful, just ignore them. </p>

<p>I think the suggestion that you print this thread and take it to your next therapy session is a good one. Please consider it. </p>

63

<p>Ok, I apologize if anyone is offended. I am not going to get caught up in the heat of passion. All of this is constructive criticism. I am going to get all your thoughts organized. Please comment more if you have something different that hasn’t been mentioned yet. </p>

<p>List of Plans:</p>

<p>A) Go to university officials immediately, own up to third case

  1. Accept expulsion
    i) Get a minimum wage job and work up for 5 to 10 years to get a job that can pay for rent, food, etc.
    ii) Go to therapy (DONE)</p>

<p>B) Go to university officials, own up to third case, demonstrate a plan of action, request reconsideration even though I don’t deserve it.

  1. If reconsidered, then accept re- admittance
  2. If rejected, please go back to A1 or C1.</p>

<p>C) Go to university officials immediately, own up to third case

  1. Accept expulsion
    i) Get a minimum wage job and work for a while
    ii) Apply to state university and study credits lost and remaining credits.
    iii) Reapply for jobs that were originally being offered if I weren’t expelled.
    iv) Go to therapy (DONE)</p>

<p>D) Wait to go to university officials until they call me in. Don’t own up.
1)???</p>

<p>E) Wait to go to university officials until they call me in. Own up to third case.

  1. Go to B1, A1, C1</p>
64

<p>@Much2learn I have respect for you based on what you have posted. Yes, I will consider taking all these post to my psychiatrist and psychologist. </p>

<p>What is the ombudsman’s office?</p>

65

<p>They support students in dealing with issues with the university.</p>

66

<p>@Much2learn Yes, I looked them up. Thank you so much. Have you had an personal experience with such an office especially in an academic integrity cases? If you don’t mind sharing, then I will really appreciate.</p>

67

<p>Updated List of Plans:</p>

<p>A) Go to university officials
immediately, own up to third case

  1. Accept expulsion
    i) Get a minimum wage job and
    work up for 5 to 10 years to get
    a job that can pay for rent,
    food, etc.
    ii) Go to therapy (DONE)</p>

<p>B) Go to university officials,
own up to third case, demonstrate
a plan of action, request
reconsideration even though I
don’t deserve it.

  1. If reconsidered, then accept
    re- admittance
  2. If rejected, please go back to
    A1 or C1.</p>

<p>C) Go to university officials
immediately, own up to third case

  1. Accept expulsion
    i) Get a minimum wage job and
    work for a while
    ii) Apply to state university and
    study credits lost and remaining
    credits.
    iii) Reapply for jobs that were
    originally being offered if I
    weren’t expelled.
    iv) Go to therapy (DONE)</p>

<p>D) Wait to go to university
officials until they call me in, don’t own up.
1)???</p>

<p>E) Go to university officials immediately, don’t own up
1)???</p>

<p>F) Wait to go to university
officials until they call me in,
Own up to third case.

  1. Go to B1, A1, C1</p>

<p>G) Go to ombudsman’s office, go
to university officials immediately,
Own up to third case

  1. Go to A, B, C, D, E, F</p>

<p>H) Go to ombudsman’s office, wait
to go to university officials
until they call me in, Own up to
third case

  1. Go to A, B, C, D, E, F</p>

<p>I) Go to ombudsman’s office, Wait
to go to university officials
until they call me in, Don’t own up to third case

  1. Go to A, B, C, D, E, F</p>

<p>J) Go to ombudsman’s office, go to university officials immediately, Take lawyer, Own up to third case

  1. Go to A, B, C, D, E, F</p>

<p>K) Go to ombudsman’s office, go to university officials immediately, Take lawyer, Don’t Own up to third Case

  1. Go to A, B,C,D,E,F</p>

<p>L) Go to ombudsman’s office, Wait for university officials, Take lawyer, Own up to third Case

  1. Go to A,B,C,D,E,F</p>

<p>M) Go to ombudsman’s office, Wait for university officials, Take lawyer, Don’t own up to third case

  1. Go to A,B,C,D,E,F</p>
68

<p>In the past 2 years, I’ve known 2 boys who were suspended from college, one for 1 year, the other for 2. Both moved home to live with a parent, and found jobs in restaurants. The one young man I’m still in touch with has returned to school and is doing well. It was a learning experience for him.</p>

69

<p>If you have an attorney, then its best to follow his/her advice. </p>

70

<p>Agreed. Post #2 is incorrect about this. Attorneys provide critical support and advice in private contractual dealings (like university enrollment) all the time.</p>

<p>LostStudent12, you seem to be assuming that no one in your family will let you live with them while you work and save money. That is what I did after flunking out of high school. Do you know for sure that that cannot be an option? Have you talked to your parents, and maybe grandparents/aunts/uncles if the parents won’t let you come home?</p>

71

<p>^^ Post #2 didn’t mention an attorney – it just pointed out that the student already had had a second chance and recommended (like many of the other posters) that the student stop making so many excuses. BTW, if you look at the time stamps, the first several commenters were commenting on a different post containing less detail and fewer questions that the OP then deleted.</p>

72

<p>I don’t know how every other student does after hearing about their suspension, but I definitely realize the blunder of my mistakes. My anxiety attacks, that I had seemed to get rid of these past few months, have come back. My medicine isn’t working anymore. Ever since the appeal got rejected, I have had a slight fever. I feel like whatever self confidence I tried to gain through therapy will completely deteriorate. I probably did the worst thing I could do to myself. Since I was angry at the injustice I endured because of harassment I faced in high school and because of a death of a loved one, I became self destructive because obviously I believe I’m too kind to retaliate to bullies. Instead, I probably hurt my parents the most as well. My parents keep fighting. My dad is depressed and won’t come out of his room. </p>

73

<p>“Should I also accept being constantly reminded for the rest of my life by my family and relatives about these mistakes I did in my college career? Do you think it is okay to be verbally abused and constantly get my morale down by other people?”</p>

<p>It doesn’t matter whether we think your family / relatives “should” or “should not” berate you about this repeatedly. We don’t have control over them. All you can do is demonstrate that you are taking full responsibility for your actions, and work with your therapist to figure out how to deal with your family / relatives. </p>

74

<p>Loststudent12:
The situation at your university will play itself out. You’re going to be expelled in any case. What matters is what you do next.
Right now, you should focus on finding a job (full time - since you already have one). See if your current employer can extend your hours - say you need to take a break from the university and work. If s/he can’t, ask if s/he knows of other places needing employees with your skillset. If that is not possible, move back into your parents’ house and look for a job in your hometown. Perhaps two if they’re low-paying. You may have to work as a waiter and/or a temp. See this as a learning experience. If you ever become a manager you’ll know what it’s like to work as an employee. You will not have your pick of jobs and you won’t get an entry-level job as you would have after graduating from your current university. But you’ll be like many, many college students who need to interrupt their studies for money reasons. The longer you work and do a good job, the more you’ll prove yourself. The time spent working will be interpreted as “money problems”, and the longer you spend working, the more this interpretation will be clear.
In addition, if one of your parents owns a business, DO NOT work for them. (In fact, some universities specify this as a condition).
After working a while, apply to another university as a transfer - Spring 2015 for Fall 2015. You’ll probably need to study there for two years in order to get a degree. It’s dubious you’ll take the exact same classes there as you took before - the classes will transfer but you’ll need 2 years’ worth of credit taken at your new campus. Use that time wisely, to develop depth in your subject or to add a minor that’ll make you more employable.
Check with your university whether there’ll be a mark on your transcript indicating that you cheated (some universities had F*‘s rather than F’s for classes where a student cheated.) This would affect where you’ll be able to attend next, and how quickly.
Understand that yes, mistakes - especially repeated mistakes - can erase everything else. Cheating is what defines you now, but if you’re a good kid, then the good kid will overcome the cheater. Be defined as the great guy who does w and works for z. The US is a great country in that it’ll give you a second chance at college if you prove that you won’t make the same mistakes again.
You might want to read Nicholls’ <em>Starter for Ten</em>, too.</p>

75

<p>I meant the second post in the thread, which is (I now see) post #1, not #2. It said:</p>

<p>“A university can set its own rules, so a lawyer will not be effective, as this is not a criminal proceeding.”</p>

76

<p>I stopped reading responses back on page 3. However, you are asking people on this forum about jobs. I hire all the time for my government job. However, you have admitted to cheating - not once, but at least 3 times - who in their right mind would recommend hiring you. I know I wouldn’t.</p>

<p>Now, I know that sounds harsh but you need the same kind of reality check I would give my D who is a freshman. Yes, I would still love you unconditionally (I tell my D I would love her even if she was a serial killer). However, a parent’s love is not going to solve your problems, just give you a soft landing point to re-launch from. You say they love you. Then they will not constantly be reminding you of your problems. If they do, that is part of the problem.</p>

<p>All being said, you need to continue in therapy because only YOU and solve your problems at this point. You need a plan. Good luck to you.</p>

77

<p>I’m really trying to avoid redundancy right now. If you are too wearied too read all the responses, then here is a summary of list of plans. Please don’t tell me I need a plan. I know that. I need IDEAS of plans. Please read post # 76</p>

78

<p>A) Go to university officials
immediately, own up to third case

  1. Accept expulsion
    i) Get a minimum wage job and
    work up for 5 to 10 years to get
    a job that can pay for rent,
    food, etc.
    ii) Go to therapy (DONE)</p>

<p>B) Go to university officials,
own up to third case, demonstrate
a plan of action, request
reconsideration even though I
don’t deserve it.

  1. If reconsidered, then accept
    re- admittance
  2. If rejected, please go back to
    A1 or C1.</p>

<p>C) Go to university officials
immediately, own up to third case

  1. Accept expulsion
    i) Get a minimum wage job and
    work for a while
    ii) Apply to state university and
    study credits lost and remaining
    credits.
    iii) Reapply for jobs that were
    originally being offered if I
    weren’t expelled.
    iv) Go to therapy (DONE)</p>

<p>D) Wait to go to university
officials until they call me in, don’t own up.
1)???</p>

<p>E) Go to university officials immediately, don’t own up
1)???</p>

<p>F) Wait to go to university
officials until they call me in,
Own up to third case.

  1. Go to B1, A1, C1</p>

<p>G) Go to ombudsman’s office, go
to university officials immediately,
Own up to third case

  1. Go to A, B, C, D, E, F</p>

<p>H) Go to ombudsman’s office, wait
to go to university officials
until they call me in, Own up to
third case

  1. Go to A, B, C, D, E, F</p>

<p>I) Go to ombudsman’s office, Wait
to go to university officials
until they call me in, Don’t own up to third case

  1. Go to A, B, C, D, E, F</p>

<p>J) Go to ombudsman’s office, go to university officials immediately, Take lawyer, Own up to third case

  1. Go to A, B, C, D, E, F</p>

<p>K) Go to ombudsman’s office, go to university officials immediately, Take lawyer, Don’t Own up to third Case

  1. Go to A, B,C,D,E,F</p>

<p>L) Go to ombudsman’s office, Wait for university officials, Take lawyer, Own up to third Case

  1. Go to A,B,C,D,E,F</p>

<p>M) Go to ombudsman’s office, Wait for university officials, Take lawyer, Don’t own up to third case

  1. Go to A,B,C,D,E,F</p>
79

<p>Lost Student- we are not suggesting that you come up with any of the plans you have described here (A-M). This is your denial speaking if you think it is realistic to hire a lawyer and lie to him/her about the third case. Do not lie to your lawyer- they can’t help you if they don’t know the truth. So the fact that when someone here posts “you need a plan” you think that means “I need to decide whether to lie to my lawyer or not”-- well, that’s why you’re getting pushback on this thread.</p>

<p>When we say “get a plan”- this is what we mean:
1- Sit down with current boss and tell him/her that you are taking a year or two off from college, and ask if you can get hired fulltime.
2- Move your stuff out of your dorm room back to your parents.
3- Find out how much it will cost to stay on your parents health insurance plan, or if it’s cheaper for you to go on the plan at your job.
4- if Boss can’t hire you full time, see if he/she can recommend you to someone else who might hire you full time.
5- register with a temp agency so you can have something to fall back on.
6- meet with your universities bursar to see if there’s anything in your account that they will rebate to you for this semester’s withdrawal. If they won’t rebate, will they hold the money in an escrow account?
7- sit down with your parents and tell them how much you appreciate their support and the sacrifices they’ve made for you, and tell them that you own up to your mistakes but you are going to start a fresh phase of your life and you know you can make them proud of you. Tell your dad that your mistakes are not a reflection on him and his parenting, and that you are going to work hard to regain his trust.</p>

<p>this is a plan. Not some bogus notion that the university Ombudsman is going to deal with a kid who is lying to his lawyer.</p>

80

<p>Blossom is exactly right. You need a plan to move on with what is inevitable and position yourself best for the future. There is little point in preparing a plan to try to weasel out of it; you’re just going to spin your wheels. </p>

<p>And “go to therapy” is not a one-time or short-term deal (ah, however tempting!). It’s a long haul.</p>

<p>You have sabotaged yourself and one of the things you’ll want to think about is – why did it serve you well (at the time) to sabotage yourself. </p>