<p>I need help, I would really appreciate it. Thanks everybody. I wrote this admission essay. Any thoughts, corrections, suggestions?
I tell myself that those numerous all-nighters, the stressed-out frenzies I experienced periodically since freshman year, and missed parties were not for nothing. That even though my homework took hours, the amount of essays seemed endless, and some tests were so difficult that they left the whole classroom of students, including myself, on the verge of panic, I enjoyed challenging myself. My only solace was that I merely had to survive until senior year, when at that point I would catch a crippling and incurable disease known by many of us as senioritis.
Yet here it is, six months after the beginning of senior year, and the thought of skipping a homework assignment or turning in second-rate work still makes my stomach turn. I have no desire to stop studying, skip school, or wear grungy sweatpants and sweatshirts to school every day. Apparently, and trust me everybody failed to tell me about this my freshman year, there are those that remain relatively healthy throughout their entire time at high school and thus remain unfailingly obsessed with excelling at their schoolwork. It seems that I am one of those students and am immune to the majority of the debilitating symptoms of this disease. Sure, there are days when I would rather relax than read about the effect of natural selection on the mating habits of bees, when I would rather wash every dish in the house than write that final paragraph of an essay about Odysseus dooming flaws, or when that episode of House was just too spectacular to miss.
However, in the midst of this procrastination, I realized I like taking demanding courses that continuingly push me to the limits and encourage me to try my best. That the easier classes that I have taken in high school are the ones that I dreaded going to every day, and that the more challenging AP classes were the courses in which I flourished and truly enjoyed. I am proud when I raise my hand in class, have fun participating in discussions, inside or outside of class, eager to perform a new experiment, and excited when we learn about new concepts. That even though the mating habits of bees may not exactly be my cup of tea, I loved the majority of what we learned in Biology and every other science class I have been in. That even though the concept of derivatives from AP BC Calculus continues to confuse me at times, I am exhilarated when I finally get a challenging problem right and know that all those hours I toiled over that one section was worth it. I know that instead of spending my high school career void of all responsibility and ambition, I have tried to motivate myself to succeed in whatever task, regardless of its size or importance. I have learned to strive for perfection, but take pride in the setbacks that help me to grow and overcome mediocrity. Unremittingly, I continued to set high goals for myself in my school, by taking multiple honors and AP courses, and aspiring to be successful and diligent in the work I completed for each of them. So to use this measly disease as an excuse to abandon my work ethic would a shame, and an insult to my desire to learn and those that were willing to teach me. I am just thankful to be one of those fortunate enough to not be caught in the grasp of this fatal infection.</p>
<p>what school is this for? no offense but this is a bad essay. I mean its a given that everyone works hard in school.</p>
<p>I know it is last minute, but I just found this site today and could really use people’s help. Thanks everybody</p>
<p>University of Chicago, eh? Well, I think it’s well-written, but it won’t stand out from the crowd. Then again, it’s kind of hard to do that at a school like Chicago.</p>
<p>Everything in that essay could be said of practically anyone on CC (almost). I learned absolutely nothing about you and quite frankly, it bored me. ZzzzZzzz… I suggest you start over. </p>
<p>Read this:
[Essays</a>, Admission Information, Undergraduate Admission, U.Va.](<a href=“http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html]Essays”>http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html)</p>
<p>My fellow CCers have been a bit harsh. It’s pretty well written, just the topic isn’t really a great idea. Your transcript and grades show that you did all these things. The essay is supposed to show something that can’t be seen in your transcript/list of ECs/SAT scores. If you have time, I would write another essay.</p>
<p>you can’t really do anything more with this essay.</p>
<p>Firstly, this should be in the college essay section.
Secondly, sorry, but I agree with shua. This essay is, in the kindest of words, vague and predictable. Actually, it shows you in a pretty bad light. It shows that you are a working robot (who has no life) because you care for the results of your work and want to artificially challenge yourself with AP’s. There is no real passion or ambition in there, except for the passion to succeed (which practically most everyone one this board has). I see nothing from this essay that distinguishes you from the other applicants who have also worked hard to achieve success.
You can try to come up with another idea and write another essay (UC likes things outside the box), but it’s too late for that now. I hope your other essays are better than this one. This is probably not what you wanted to hear, so I apologize.</p>
<p>Chicago’s essay prompts are pretty creative. You might want to try again and this time write in the spirit of those questions. Also, check your use of commas.</p>
<p>no I have other essays, so this helps. Thanks you guys for being honest</p>
<p>is this essay a little better:it is the common app one</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/841451-common-app-statement-any-suggestions.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/841451-common-app-statement-any-suggestions.html</a></p>
<p>when is it due?</p>
<p>“Unremittingly”???</p>
<p>seriously?!? really? really-really? seriously?</p>
<p>If I ever hear that word one more time, I’m gonna walk into my business-law professor’s office with my 1067-page textbook and wack him with it.</p>
<p>“Unremittingly…”</p>
<p>ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.</p>
<p>oh and in case you didn’t get it…i don’t know if you’re being conservative in your strategy or what, because this essay is supposed to show a lot about your personality…</p>