UC essay-final review-mainly grammar check

<p>On the Road to Independence </p>

<pre><code> Glancing outside the window the Pacific Ocean is directly in view. I share solitude with another passenger. I am sitting on a Boeing 747 heading from China to United States. This is not my first time traveling on a plane; however it is the first time I will be traveling alone. The only company coming along are my backpack and my loneliness. My parents sent me back home after my grandma had a stroke caused by a pre-existing heart condition. While my parents stay in China and take care of grandma, I have to survive on my own without any protection and guidance from my family for the following month.

Such a decision to separate my family is harsh, even temporarily. But the emergency is urgent, my grandma is on the brink of death according to the doctor at the time of being informed. As a grandson, I have to see my grandma, just like my parents; even if it’s the last time. Despite our wish of good health, my grandma is still unconscious when I leave. My parents need to stay and look after both of my grandparents, since neither of them is capable of living on their own. I have already been absent for 8 school days. I must come back and continue school. It’s not only because of being absent from school, but the school policy prevents students from further absences otherwise the loss of semester credit is imminent.

“Beep, beep, beep” I jump from my bed and rush through the stairs as my alarm clock tells me I am late and have been for 15 minutes. I grab a slice of bread and spread the peanut butter and jelly unevenly. It’s the first time I am late. I used to be woken up by my mom. I need to drive to school, with the license I just got over the summer. Honestly, this is the first time I will be driving on my own.

At the end of month, I drive back home after school as usual. The steering wheel is part of me; I feel no anxiety as I had in the beginning. Instead of running towards the computer when I get home, I check the door and windows for safety. I make sure no one has broken into my home. Then, I wash the dishes and prepare for the dinner. After a not-so-tasty DIY meal, I drive myself to my friend’s house. Another intense hour, we finish out project, an artistic and academic piece of our own work. Back home, I have to finish my homework. Sitting on my bed, I realize it’s already tomorrow and it’s time to prepare for the “next day”.

Walking in my empty household, I never have felt the superiority of being home alone like it’s portrayed in the movies. I understand more about the capacity of real life. I have to take care of myself, understand my responsibility, and successful survive the month to an end. This time, I understand the responsibility as an independent individual and how my parents come through these years with handfuls of support. My parents don’t worry about me anymore; they know I have the skills and principles to take care of myself in life.

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<p>The Difference between “Us”</p>

<pre><code> From the moment I opened my eyes, I realized the difference between everyone. As a teenager of seventeen-year-old, I have a given height and a given weight, just like every other person among the crowd. Although, I am not identical to everyone else. My black hair, black eyes, and yellow skins will easily betray me. From time to time, I have to make changes to fit in the environment around me since I am always different. I am what society calls a foreigner. I migrated from China. The progress for an upside-down change is not just hard, but sometimes overwhelming. After many obstacles and bumps, I manage to solve these problems and realize my uniqueness is a gift.

  I was born China, and given a Chinese name.  I was sent to boarding school until the end of eighth grade.  I learned quite a bit from the school, not just the common curriculum knowledge, but also some early tested subjects like English and use of Computer, and most importantly — how to take care of myself. This knowledge has given me a comprehensive understanding of the world.

In the summer prior to my beginning of high school, I arrived in the United States of America. After the initial shock of the superficial difference, I realized that people in the world were similar to each other despite their outside background.  Americans were not the capitalists who have blonde hairs, blue eyes, and enthusiastic about the domination of the world, but rather a union of states, ethics, and ideas.  The treasure of America was not just material gain, but also the heritage of classical study.  Study of reasoning and perspective was helpful for me to analyze things I was unable to understand at first.  I know how to look thing from different point of view based on my experience.  I believe my difference will create new diversity and creativity for other students in the campus.

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<p>Whoa, whoa whoa.</p>

<p>If this is your Almost-Final-Copy of your essay, I would suggest to NOT put it up. It’s up for grabs for anyone to gobble up and send it into UC colleges as their own.</p>

<p>Sit back, relax, and just post, “hey, I’d like some critique on my essays,” and then PM it to those you think are trustworthy of your essays.</p>

<p>If you’d like a reviewer for grammatical purposes only, I’d be glad to help. (:</p>

<p>i think i need anyone to recheck, i will change title i guess</p>

<p>whoa, i can’t do anything after, there is no edit button</p>

<p>They are both very good, though there are a few grammatical errors in the second one. I put them in bold:</p>

<p>"The Difference between “Us”</p>

<p>From the moment I opened my eyes, I realized the difference between everyone. As a teenager of seventeen years, I have a given height and a given weight, just like every other person among the crowd. However, I am not identical to everyone else. My black hair, black eyes, and yellow skin will easily betray me. From time to time, I have to make changes to fit in the environment around me since I am always different. I am what society calls a foreigner. I emigrated from China. The progress for an upside-down change is not just hard, but sometimes overwhelming. After many obstacles and bumps, I managed to solve these problems and realize my uniqueness is a gift.</p>

<p>I was born China, and given a Chinese name. I was sent to boarding school until the end of eighth grade. I learned quite a bit from the school, not just the common curriculum knowledge, but also some early tested subjects like English and use of a computer, and most importantly — how to take care of myself. This knowledge has given me a comprehensive understanding of the world.</p>

<p>In the summer prior to my beginning of high school, I arrived in the United States of America. After the initial shock of the superficial difference, I realized that people in the world were similar to each other despite their outside background. Americans were not the capitalists who have blonde hair, blue eyes, and enthusiasm about the domination of the world, but rather a union of states, ethics, and ideas. The treasure of America was not just material gain, but also the heritage of classical study. Study of reasoning and perspective was helpful for me to analyze things I was unable to understand at first. I know how to look thing from different point of view based on my experience. I believe my difference will create new diversity and creativity for other students in the campus."</p>

<p>thanks, hopefully UC will look at them</p>

<p>Just make sure you get them in tonight :)! Good luck with the server situation x_x</p>

<p>Just make sure you get them in tonight :)! Good luck with the server situation x_x</p>