i need a brief review about my UC essay--it's about one important experience

College Essays
1

<p>fell free to comment and critize, i don't need grammar check so far, i will do it at end</p>

<p>From the sky, the Pacific Ocean seems like my backyard. I am sitting on a typical Boeing 747 which head from China back to United States. It's not my first air travel, but this time is different from any experience I ever had. I am flying back to home without any company, and hopefully will be home alone for the next month. I have to learn the life of an independent adult who is completely out of help in the middle of nowhere.
This summer, my family has been exhausted from my grandmother’s sudden downfall. Due to blood clok in her brain vessel caused by heart issue, she suffered from both heart stroke and semi-consciousness. (If you are a medical applicant, please give me specific term for this) The last time phone called, grandma is in the emergency room. Thankfully, she is out of life danger by now but still remain unconsciousness. After one week of care in the hospital, grandma still can’t wake up. My parent have to make a decision about me, since I already miss 10 days of school in my senior year—the very edge of college application and my existence in hospital cause more trouble. Both of my parents decide to stay and take care of grandma, and I am sent back to school alone in the following month.
It’s a whole new experience to me: go to school, take class, do homework, contact with teacher to make up absence, cook, eat, do laundry, do grocery, driving, etc. These works are some simple tasks and I used to get along with any of them, but when they combine into a real life schedule, I get my real headache. I feel a sudden time shortage and exhaust in body every day. Sometimes, I even have to push my sleeping hours back for some essential works to be done. Free time becomes my very luxury; I have to count every single minute under the ideal time line.<br>
I learned from this exhausting and precious month. It not only let me revalue and consolidate my survival skill, but also remind myself how uneasiness my parents have come through to support this family. I memories the precious of time when it’s not abundant any more. Most important of all, I experience my future life style in college, in work, and in life.</p>

2

<p>Good topic, but I am really not sure that your English skills are adequate to the demands of the UC’s. You really need somebody to read this for colloquialisms and grammar.</p>

3

<p>Yeah. The grammar issues are really distracting-- I’m not even entirely sure of what you’re trying to say with this essay. You should at least put the things that happened into the past into the past tense.</p>

4

<p>The grammar of the piece is really quite lacking; pretty much the first sentence is the only one free from distracting errors (and even then it seems a bit unnatural and maybe even trite). A lot of it doesn’t make sense, whether as a result of weird diction choice or just plain strange. sentence construction
Tense is certainly also a big problem, but what I would be most concerned about is the overall meaning you are trying to convey. I think your grandmother’s illness grates too much with your whole “new experience” idea later - you would certainly not expect the demands of a family illness to be the monthly norm at college.</p>