UC essay prompt 1 draft?

College Essays
1

<p>So I know this is pretty rough but is it a decent topic?</p>

<p>Prompt: describe the world you come from and how it has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>My family is a road trip family. Ever since I was a little kid, we’ve been traipsing all over the country in my mother’s white minivan, and for so long I hated it. I was rather boredom-prone as a child, and no matter how many toys and games I piled into that tiny backseat I always ended up nagging “Are we there yet?” when we had barely pulled out of the driveway. I couldn’t read or watch movies either due to carsickness, and it was quite the ordeal during my childhood. What this meant, though, was that I was forced to look up instead of at my Gameboy. Little did I know that those quiet moments of gazing out the window and trying not to throw up were the origins of my love of travel.
I really love traveling. I love the way it yanks me out of my own little world of petty worries and gives me a healthy dose of perspective. The view out the window is my favorite one in the world, because its always changing/something different. It taps you on the shoulder and says “this is the world, don’t hide from it” what even. Whether it be stunning beach cliffs or a plain desert for miles and miles, I couldn’t care less. It’s that realization that the world is so much bigger than just me that is so stimulating.
The reason why travel is so intriguing to me is more than just the simple desire to escape the familiar. That’s part of it, yes, but what I’m most drawn to are the stories behind these places and the people that live there. I’ll drive by a picturesque cabin in big bear or a beat-up shack in Joshua Tree and think: Who lives there? What is it like? How did they end up there? What do they do? Places have this mystery factor too; when I walk through Disneyland, I like to imagine all the millions of people who’ve walked the pavement before me. The thought is almost to overwhelming to handle.
I thought I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized I wanted to tell stories. My ultimate career goal is to become a journalist, primarily because I believe it is so important. The only things that cannot be taken away from us as humans are our knowledge and our experiences, and journalism plays a role in both of those. I want to make people aware of what our world holds, but I also want to listen to people and give them a voice. Everyone has something to say, and I want to hear it.</p>

2

<p>Your 1st paragraph is bad. Talking about not throwing up as a motivation to love travel is very bad. Your second paragraph is better. </p>

<p>But you really need to focus your love to travel into college and new experiences. Cuz otherwise your statement is off-topic.</p>

3

<p>Let’s fix up that first paragraph.</p>

<p>My family is a road trip family. Ever since I was a little kid, we’ve been traipsing all over the country in my mother’s white minivan, and for so long I hated it. I was rather prone to boredom as a child, and no matter how many toys and games I piled into that tiny backseat, I always ended up nagging “Are we there yet?” when we had barely pulled out of the driveway. Due to carsickness, I couldn’t read or watch movies or even play my Gameboy during car rides. ( Insert something like this- Instead, I was forced to focus my attention on the world outside of my car windows.) Little did I know that those quiet moments of gazing out the window and trying not to throw up would sow the seeds of my love of travel.</p>

4

<p>^ That’s still bad. A) focusing on details such as “in my mother’s white minivan” is pointless. Does that additional any useful information? No, so it’s worthless. B) “for so long I hated it.” It too negative. likewise “trying not to throw up” is negative as well. His second paragraph where he is positive and says “hat I’m most drawn to are the stories behind these places and the people that live there.” is zoo much better than “trying to escape.”</p>

<p>But regardless talking about travel along isn’t enough. He needs to relate it to the way his personality has grown or something along those lines.</p>

5

<p>add to ugg phrases: “even since I was a little kid” zzzzzzzzz</p>

6

<p>Okay, I’ve done a bit of revising. I put some sentences/phrases in parenthesis that I wasn’t sure if I liked or not, so I would appreciate some advice on those and the essay as a whole. THANK YOU SO MUCH</p>

<p>“Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.”</p>

<pre><code>My family is a road trip family. For several years we’ve been traipsing all over the country in the typical family minivan, and for so long I hated it. I was rather boredom-prone as a child, and no matter how many toys and games I piled into that tiny backseat I always ended up nagging “Are we there yet?” when we had barely pulled out of the driveway. No matter how many dozens of hours the journey was, my parents constantly reminded me to detach from the book I was engrossed in and look up. Little did I know that those quiet moments of gazing out the window were the origins of my love of travel.

I love the way travel yanks me out of my own little world of petty worries and gives me a healthy dose of perspective. The view out of a car window is my favorite one in the world, because it is always something different. Whether it be stunning beach cliffs or nothing but desert for miles and miles, I find myself captivated by these foreign places. (It taps you on the shoulder and says “this is the world, don’t hide from it.”) It’s that realization that the world is so much bigger than just me that is so stimulating.

The reason why travel is so intriguing to me is more than just the simple desire to escape the familiar. (That’s part of it, yes,) but what I’m most drawn to are the stories behind these places and the people that live there. I’ll drive by a picturesque cabin in big bear or a beat-up shack in Joshua Tree and think: Who lives there? What is it like? How did they end up there? What do they do? (Places have this mystery factor too; when I walk through Disneyland, I like to imagine all the millions of people who’ve walked the pavement before me. The thought is almost to overwhelming to handle.)

I thought I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized I wanted to tell stories. My ultimate career goal is to become a journalist, primarily because I believe it is so important. The only things that cannot be taken away from us as humans are our knowledge and our experiences, and journalism plays a role in both of those. I want to make people aware of what our world holds, but I also want to listen to people and give them a voice.

Far too many people are only ever concerned with their own lives, and I know from experience that focusing in too much on my own struggles only brings about unnecessary worry and stress. I hope that in my life I can keep a worldly view, and hopefully I can play a role in helping others do the same.
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