<p>Hi, im applying to UCs and i started my personal statement and i would like to you to give me feedback on my essay, it is not complete and i still dont know how good it is ... i have no idea how to make it perfect or UC acceptable </p>
<p>I was born in the pits of society, where the light of the sun does not reach.
I lived in the second biggest city of Mexico for 13 years. I saw how terrible that place was; there was increasing crime, degrading life styles of people, corruption of its government, and poverty that struck every household during dinner. But I did not come to realize its inhumane atmosphere until I had a different outlook of the world.
I had lived in a pit all my life, where people live meaninglessly and without a real purpose. I came to the United States against my will unaware of the change of mind I was about to have. I do not say I came to live in the best neighborhood in America, but I did come to a not-so-deep pit, where you can see the bright sun above the skies.
I am a person that sees the sky as a part of the ladder, and that success can be infinite. But people often dont get it. I hear them say Be realistic or Nobody can do that, what makes you believe you can? It really puts me down, and sometimes it brings the thought that I am not that great to dream that high. But seeing how marvelous the sky is and how big and spacious it is makes me understand why God created the sky in the first place
The sky is immense because it was meant to contain all the dreams and goals every person might have, no matter how big they might be. And its true. The only problem is that people dont realize that. Everyone I see around me is too bound to the material world and whatever is going on socially that forget to dream and look at the sky. It is all due to the pit that lets no light touch the people.
The world as I see it has more dark places in the earth than in the sky. And I think that it should not be that way, people dont live in the skies, they live in the earth and letting the world rot is a crime which everyone pays, even the innocent do so as well.
I have lived in the bottom where opportunities are scarce and where I am just a part of a machine built to keep people in the pit. But I still wish for the sky. And there is nothing wrong with that. I set my goals high enough in order to reach heights to where no man has ever reached before and to make people realize that the impossible becomes possible once you look up to the sky. The world I live in has taught me to not settle for a dark pit, but to chase after the skies and whatever is beyond.</p>
<p>please i wold like to hear how i can make it better ... and if i need to change everything it is ok by me</p>