UCF admission essay critique!!!

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<li><p>How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?</p>

<p>On that Thursday morning as I entered the world of high school I looked within myself in an attempt to discover who I am. As I strolled around dazed and confused at the chaos of a high school cafeteria, I realized that I am part of the American Dream. My father moved to the U.S. to escape a nation at war, coming here for a chance at success. Through hard work and dedication he has given me a chance to do what he never could, attend college. His accomplishments in life impact who I am and how I want to live my life. I have a enormous passion to do the best at whatever I do in life. Having learned about my fathers difficulties in his life, I believe that I can achieve my highest goals.
I recently traveled back to Ramallah, Palestine, to learn about my family history and culture. This trip educated me about my families past and our unique qualities. Palestinian tradition has influenced me since I was born. Family, respect, and hard work are qualities embedded in my culture and self.. In my four years of high school I have heavily involved in my local Palestinian-American Club. This club helps me keep in touch with my aunts, uncles, cousins, but also with my Arabic culture and tradition. My involvement in this club also helped me acquire information about my family lineage and roots. Having been of a different race I have overcome prejudices throughout my high school years. This has taught me to appreciate where I am from and how to defeat obstacles in my way. In short my family history and culture are a large part of who I am, and who I will be.</p></li>
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<p>. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?</p>

<pre><code>If you were to ask my closest friends and family to describe me in one word it would most likely be “unique” or “different”. As I have lived my life I always have had my own opinion about everything. A person’s negative thought about me would never change my actions or feelings. I’ve always tried to live by “There is just one life for each of us: our own.” by Euripides. I have my own thoughts and opinions on any subject and will always stay strong to them, no matter what.
I am not the person that follows the crowd, however I am the leader of the crowd. Throughout my life I always lead in whatever I do. When I hear “follow” I think of being dependent on someone elses thoughts and having no mind of your own. By leading I show my thoughts and feelings, but I am not discouraged by those who disagree.
Another quality that I have is the ability to look at the bright side of everything. I have always seen the glass half full. Even in the hardest circumstances I keep my cool, and work to fix the problem. I have been told by other that it is hard to see if I am happy or sad, because I am always laughing even under the toughest times. I have a knack for getting the good out of anything, and seeing the bright side. I believe time spent complaining and upset is time wasted.
My passion for to achieve my goals in life separate me from the field. Being of Middle Eastern descent is also a characteristic I possess that would be positive for the UCF community. My uniqueness, leadership, and optimistic personality are all traits I can bring to any given place. If given the honor to be a UCF community member I would bring qualities that no student could bring to the table, but myself.
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<p>it’s really awkward grammatically</p>

<p>otherwise, it’s OK</p>

<p>not bad could use some editing. you talk in the past and present in the same sentence in essay 1. pick which one to talk in.</p>