<p>The request for payback is a joke. There never was an agreement that they would pay ONLY if they were allowed to monitor her phone calls, computer, etc. lol</p>
<p>The fact that they would even think to demand that just shows how irrational THEY are. Can you imagine being their attorney. yikes!</p>
<p>It is quite possible that her parents truly felt she was mentally ill but that medically, she is not. I help moderate an online support group for parents of special needs children and we have a board for children with mental illness and every couple months someone joins claiming that their child is mentally ill but they are defining mental illness as the child making legal choices that they do not agree with (sex and religion are the two biggies). It is very difficult for these parents to hear that they have no legal power to force their child to be abstinent or attend church. They are often very confused why ‘the system’ doesn’t support ‘good parents’.</p>
<p>someone joins claiming that their child is mentally ill but they are defining mental illness as the child making legal choices that they do not agree with (sex and religion are the two biggies). I</p>
<p>That’s why I think these parents belong to some “out there” religion or cult. They likely are thinking that “normal college behavior” is the result of their child “going crazy.”</p>
<p>We’ve seen controlling parents on CC before, but usually it’s only one parent…like the posts where one parent expects their college child to call twice a day or the post from the mom who wants to move near her child’s college. The fact that both of the UCinn student’s parents are behaving this way seems to be very cultish.</p>
<p>It doesn’t even have to be cultish. More and more “mainstream” churches are pushing their membership in a more evangelical, fundamentalist direction that define anyone who makes choices outside of the canon as flawed sinners.</p>
<p>These parents aren’t religious cult members. They are affluent suburbanites who have groomed their D since age 2-3 with all kinds of lessons and training so she could be a “Star.” If anything, they’ve made their D famous. There is no doubt their D is talented, attractive, and has been an excellent student. But I think that the parents have invested so much in their “child” that they feel they still “own” her and want to control/make decisions for her. IMO it is a stage mother gone overboard/personality disorder.<br>
And perhaps the D has had some issues–which haven’t had a negative impact on her performance. (Who knows what WE parents might have seen if we had monitored OUR kids. . . Or what OUR parents might have seen if the technology had been available during our college years–horrors!)</p>
<p>If the student was truly a danger to herself or others, the parents should have gone through the right channels. Every state is different in the way that it handles voluntary/involuntary evaluations and/or admissions. </p>
<p>One does not simply decide that an ADULT child is mentally ill based on snooping on cell phone or Internet data. There is a court system and a medical system to utilize. If they truly thought their daughter was in danger they should have gone through the right channels. Based on the articles the parents seem to be a little nuts themselves.</p>
<p>I mean, I’m not a parent or anything but… holy crap.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Julie Ireland told her daughter’s attorney they wanted her to return to them the $66,000 they’d spent on her three years of college tuition.
[quote]
</p>
<p>The daughter? Or the school? Just wow.</p>
<p>If the parents truly thought she was mentally ill why would they have supported the idea that she go away to school 600 miles away? She had other large scholarship offers. </p>
<p>I do agree that the parents may be behaving in some kind of hyper-stage-mother fashion and these spying methods were implemented once they saw how little they could control her actions and the extent of freedom she had in college.</p>
<p>The best evidence in favor of the student’s perspective is that the University, having worked with her for three years, found her credible and reliable and her parents problematic enough to treat her as independent for the purpose of financial aid for her senior year. Schools are loath to disregard parental resources in calculating financial aid. The school’s willingness to do so in this case speaks volumes.</p>
<p>That’s very inappropriate. My parents would not do that and I would not either.</p>
<p>A student at my school had serious issues with her father showing up at of nowhere and harassing her and other students. (He stole her phone and called everyone in the call history, accusing all of them, regardless of gender, of being her girlfriend or girlfriend. He physically picked her up and forced her into his car. He tried to convince the dean that she had mental issues and should be given a medical withdrawal). Much of it seemed culturally, however.</p>
<p>The school made it quite clear that he is not welcome on campus. He bought her a one-way ticket home for the Christmas break so she’s staying in the area. Thankfully, she’s paying for college herself.</p>
<p>The daughter was on a morning program yesterday and said the straw that broke the camel’s back was when her parents made her log onto to Sykpe so the could watch her sleep. They wanted to make sure she didn’t “sneak out” at night.</p>
<p>“IMO it is a stage mother gone overboard/personality disorder.”</p>
<p>It sounds to me like that too. It’s parents who didn’t succeed creatively, who want to control her, because they want to live “through” her. Like people have said, the keystroke software is extremely invasive. I’m a student, and I don’t do anything my parents would be freaked out about, but I still wouldn’t want them tracking my every keystroke… And the people saying maybe the parents have a legit concern, has anyone read a report that shows she’s anything but a great student/child? Every report I’ve read paints her as a great student, great performer, and one report said multiple people have stated that she isn’t into drugs or anything crazy like that.</p>
<p>Here’s the thing, though. We don’t know the whole story. Based on the court’s decision, I am inclined to believe the parents are the problem. Whether the young woman did something that aroused their parental overreaction is an open question. There are no details in evidence that suggest the young woman requires a mental health intervention. At the same time, we also don’t have enough evidence based on a few hundred words of “reporting” (the articles I’ve seen hardly merit the word) to slap various psychiatric diagnoses on the parents. I do understand there was some mention of a diagnosis of codependency disorder in one of the parents? Or was it both? But not sure that was corroborated. In any case … Yes, they seem like kooks. But we do not know the whole story.</p>
<p>I’m sorry. Am I missing something here? Just the simple fact that the parents wanted to ‘watch her sleep’ is enough for me. You might want documents, more reporting, a 60 minutes type investigation, whatever. </p>
<p>I can’t imagine the nightmare that this woman has been living (parents showing up to her performances, taking meetings with the Dean, etc. etc.) I sincerely hope that this young lady can move on with her life and eventually find some kind of peace.</p>
<p>I agree, absweetmarie. Also, am I the only one thinking “publicity stunt”? I saw this on Headline News yesterday and they had all kinds of video clips and photos from her past performances. Why would anyone in this situation want the world to see who they were? Also, the timing seems a bit odd. Isn’t this her senior year? I assume she’s graduating soon, but haven’t read the whole story.</p>
<p>**
The daughter was on a morning program yesterday and said the straw that broke the camel’s back was when her parents made her log onto to Sykpe so the could watch her sleep. They wanted to make sure she didn’t “sneak out” at night.
*</p>
<p>OMG…WOW… Who does that??? </p>
<p>This is beyond the typical stories we hear about controlling or helicopter parents. These parents haven’t accepted that she’s a fully independent adult. </p>
<p>Can you imagine having these parents as your in-laws? Ha! They’d beat all the in-law stories we’ve read in Parent Cafe.</p>
<p>I don’t think any man is going to have an in-law problem with these folks because I don’t think the daughter will ever have any contact with them again for the rest of her life. And they will go to their graves thinking she’s in the wrong.</p>
<p>It’s a sad situation. Who knows what the truth is?</p>
<p>The young woman is 21. She is an adult and has the right to cut off contact with her parents if she wants to do so, even if they are perfect parents. I remember back in the day when a number of people ran off with the Moonies or the Rainbow People, etc. Parents had perfectly valid reasons to be upset, but there was nothing they could do if the kids were legally adults.</p>
<p>That said, the college’s actions suggest that the parents are causing serious problems. I’d also be more sympathetic if the parents’ demands had been for drug tests, a physical, etc., for their daughter rather than paying back tuition. If I thought my kid was using drugs or engaging in risky sexual conduct, those are the things that I’d be asking for.</p>