<p>S (15) is a talented soccer player--made varsity as a rising sophomore last summer. S got a lot of playing time and they had a terrific season. He couldn't handle the schedule, and his grades dropped from low 90's freshman year to high 70's/low 80's. (His grades in truth are worse than that, because of social passing. He failed many quizzes and tests and "made corrections" to get his grades up.) He has been defiant and stubborn all year about refusing to work to improve his grades.</p>
<p>At the beginning of third quarter we said if he didn't improve, he couldn't take a sports physical this spring. If he can bring 4th quarter up, we would let him take a physical in August, but then he would miss the first week of practice. It looks like we will have to make good on that threat.</p>
<p>Everyone in school wants him on the team, but we can't afford a repeat of what happened this year. S refuses to be responsible for his school work. H and I feel that work might grow him up a lot more than another varsity season. We're inclined to make him work after school next year instead of playing soccer. He could try again for senior year. What do you all think? It feels counter-cultural to not let him play, and I think a lot of people will disapprove of us.</p>
<p>Why do you think he will do better if you force him off the team?? This can really backfire. </p>
<p>If you think the problem was the lack of time, making him work during the school year will create a similar problem.</p>
<p>If he truly can't handle the academics, just having more free time may not be enough. But making him quit soccer will not necessarily help. Some kids do better with more structure in their schedule.</p>
<p>If you are worried about college apps, having an EC that he loves and excels at is very important.</p>
<p>Did he not have time to complete his schoolwork, or did he neglect his work? </p>
<p>If he didn't have time, then substituting soccer with work isn't going to help. You also want to be wary of the culture at different workplaces. I'm a big supporter of high schoolers getting jobs, but I do know students who got off-track after starting to work, especially if most of their coworkers were high school drop-outs and/or substance abusers. If the other employees are a bad influence, the last thing you want to throw into the picture is increased independence and spending money. I'm not saying that this is always what usually happens or what would happen to your son, but I do think that if he starts to work you should choose a location carefully.</p>
<p>corranged, he gave 110% at practices and games and came home completely wasted. He simply stopped doing work. The fourth week of the season he hard-failed exams in three subjects. He was over-stimulated with the excitement of being on the team and just couldn't think about homework. Didn't bring work home, didn't log assignments, didn't study.</p>
<p>nngmm, yes, we know it could backfire... but junior year with academic subjects in the 70's?</p>
<p>This is a difficult decision. The problem is that it might backfire and he shuts down completely. When he was a freshman and getting better grades: was he still playing soccer? Do you truly believe it is a lack of time, lack of effort or could it be difficult? </p>
<p>Can you sit down and talk to him about what is going on, or is he simply too cranky to deal with? Does he want to play soccer in college? Can you get the coaches to back you up and come up with a plan so he can get better grades and play soccer??</p>
<p>I agree - getting a job instead sounds like it would make his grades even worse. I'm a big fan of athletics - especially for boys who need to de-stress - I've seen research to support that.<br>
The bigger problem is that he has become "defiant and stubborn" about his grades - maybe signs of a bigger problem than just time management? If you have already told him that playing soccer is dependent on his grades improving and you have not seen effort to improve them then maybe you need to get him some extra academic help. I would think that if he loves soccer and knows that in order to play he has to improve his grades that at least the effort would be visible - the grades may not change if there are academic issues. I would also try get the support of his coach - having someone else besides parents stressing the importance of academics.</p>
<p>Look into the crystal ball, figuratively. If you make your son quite a sport he loves after his sophomore year... best case- he improves his GPA back up to the low 90's. He will, however, remember YOU for taking something he was good at and loved away from him at a time in his life that made a difference. Can he go back and play ball when he's middle aged? Probably not, or at the least, he's going to be... a balding middle aged man playing ball. Slowly. With a lot fewer fans and much more pain.</p>
<p>What's going to happen if he continues playing NOW? Maybe he won't get into the top universities. Maybe he will have to go to a lower tier school, a public college.</p>
<p>But, there are other considerations. Your relationship, for one. For another, his personal development and enjoyment of his childhood years, that are fast coming to an end. Whatever happened to carpe diem? Did your parents make you quit every activity that kept you from getting all A's? Mine didn't, thank God. I think I'd hate them right now if they did. Honest. </p>
<p>Maybe he can do better than 70's, even while playing ball. That's what I'd work on. So, Yeah, I guess my vote is... let him play.</p>
<p>Warrior, I involved the coaches as soon as I learned about the failing tests. The varsity coach, the jv coach, and the district athletic director all had conferences with him. They dearly want him to pull up his grades. He could be a star student athlete. He consistently refused academic help (staying after school) even though his teachers plead with him. They would LOVE to help him improve.</p>
<p>I can see some good reasons to let him continue. He will start earning $$ as a referee. He gets a lot of social reinforcement for soccer skills. He's volunteering with TOPSoccer for kids w/ disabilities. So long as he's in soccer, we have allies in the coaches. We would be much more alone if we pulled him out.</p>
<p>The bottom line question is whether taking away something he really likes is going to help or hurt--not only his grades but his development generally. We had a similar judgment to make and decided that taking away the sport would have been counterproductive. But that was just my kid--you know yours better than any of us do.</p>
<p>The best you can do is to think about the decision and then go with your gut.</p>
<p>I'm all for parents sticking to their ultimatums, but I think this may be a case where the consequences could be much worse, as discussed above. Is there any way you could condition his continuation in soccer on working with a tutor? Many schools have peer tutors, and having regularly scheduled sessions with a peer might make him feel more accountable than he does to you. Or maybe hire a college student to work with him on the weekends. Some of this could be an organization problem; maybe this could be a role for parents if you can't find/afford a suitable tutor. I'm sure there are books published about boys and organizational skill-building. Good luck!</p>
<p>Everything relates to the final objective. Is this about graduating from high school or is it about hoping for a NCAA soccer career, or another soccer avenue unrelated to school? </p>
<p>Despite the nice sound of varsity soccer, the mileage varies enormously among regions. In many areas, high school soccer means very little to nothing as the entire college recruiting happens at the select (or traveling) club level. Participation in high level club level in addition to participation in ODP programs ranks much higher in the eyes of competitive college coaches. While this is not something that high school coaches willfully admits, it's pretty easy to find out by talking to recruited soccer players, if there are any in your school. In this regard, the fact that colleges list the high school (as they do for football or basketball) is of little help. </p>
<p>Be realistic in your expectations. Chances are that playing for the varsity or not makes absolutely no difference.</p>
<p>I was a serious athlete in high school and college - achieving All American status at both levels. Too tired to study? Please. There were rare occasions in high school that I trained too hard to study - but those were rare and they were the result of a cumulative number of workouts as opposed to that being done any one day (and I was known as a very intense practice type - being of less talent than it appeared). The fatigue experienced with school is entirely different than physical and athletic fatigue - and with a little bit of time management, school and sports can co-exist (at the Div. 1 college level, that is a different story, because the level of competition in both endeavors if one is serious at both academics and athletics is high - most scholarship types accordingly don't study like they should). Absent a physical problem - which doesn't seem likely by your description - he isn't too tired to study - he is too distracted - especially since making the varsity at such a young age (far rarer for boys than girls) likely gives him a social status that makes him think he is above it all. You may have to use soccer as a stick to get him to study (a high risk maneuver), but fatigue with soccer is likely not the reason he is not studying - and any I am so wiped out ministrations are likely part of a very good act. I know this sounds harsh - but I would be surprised if I am not on the mark. And oh, I know this is so politically incorrect in today's "progressive" environment - but many boys his age do not see the intrinsic advantage in studying - they do - however, like competition intensely. My mother was wise enough to remind me that doing well in school was a socially acceptable way to keep the relatively well-off, wimpy and effete peers in my school at bay - there were lots of them -- and accordingly I worked hard to avoid being seen as in any way less capable, never really learning to enjoy learning for its own sake until my sophomore year of college. But it kept me going until I could mature a bit. I suggest exploring such a hook.</p>
<p>Didn't the varsity soccer season end in mid November? How has he done since then? I don't think I see the connection between soccer and his academic performance since November (although I absolutely get how physically draining the sport can be in season, particularly for kids who play at a high level at a relatively young age). My gut reaction from afar is to not take away a positive extracurricular but to try to focus on the academic issue separately.</p>
<p>Is this your eldest child? I have a child whose grades fluctuated just like your S's, and in retrospect, it was more about being a flighty, social sophomore than the distraction of her sport. My remedy was to limit her to just her schoolwork and sport (no other ECs), and sure enough by Junior year she calmed down, improved her grades, and added more ECs easily. (Plus her team ended up ranked near the top in the state, so I was glad I didn't pull her off the team).</p>
<p>I don't think you should pull him off the team, but I do think you should hold true to your threat of withholding the sports physical so that he misses some of the first practices. It might make him sweat a little. That will open the door to a real learning opportunity.</p>
<p>When he's ready to commit to school, sit down and write out a plan. He needs to learn how to plan ahead for tests and papers, go for tutoring, etc. He'll need all these skills if he hopes to play in college. I think the 10 week soccer season will be a great chance for him to show his maturity, even if he hasn't done so in the past. For boys, maturity sometimes comes on as suddenly as turning on a light switch.</p>
<p>There are so many advantages to his continued sports participation. Does he have to sign a pledge to stay away from drugs, keep up his grades, etc.? These are a great aid when it comes to the temptations of junior and senior year. Also, his identity as a star player is probably a crucial part of his self-esteem at this point. You don't want to take that away and leave a void.</p>
<p>I think there are other things going on...i would have him tested for an LD...seriouslly</p>
<p>I would also tell him this</p>
<p>The Attitude really needs to adjust...he is only shooting himself in the foot by being defiant</p>
<p>And his coaches may want him to do well, but they don't seem to have a system in play</p>
<p>I would let him play, but under certain conditions, and it is going to be a week by week scenario- and it should be backed up by his coaches</p>
<p>!- He talks to each and every teacher and finds out what he is missing and he needs to get that work in</p>
<p>2- He gets his room, his locker and his back pack organized (ask any star player- they are uber organized), and take him to the office supply store to get organizational stuff</p>
<p>3- No TV in his room (that is a perk), video games gone (another perk), driving only to and from school, etc...take away the perks, and he can earn them back...that is treating him like an adult he wants to be</p>
<p>4- He needs a plan and he needs to cooperate...not everyone is going to be an A student, but they should all at least try and do the work the best way they can</p>
<p>I think for some kids, the sport is necessary for their mental health and self esteem. It can also be held out as a carrot to influence academic achievement. </p>
<p>My own S worked hard at his studies, so he was eligible for a high end academic school as an athletic recruit. If he did not have the grades, he would not be recruited. HE saw the connection and HE made the decision to work as hard academically as athletically.</p>
<p>jrpar--he basically lost the entire first four weeks of three core academics (chem, Spanish, math) and never regained the ground. By the time soccer ended, he needed to work extra hard to make it up but he refused.</p>
<p>Bay--that's reassuring. thx. I would be happy with that outcome.</p>
<p>citygirlsmom--He can do excellent work when he cares to. We honestly don't believe there are ld's. </p>
<p>cnp55--EVERYONE is telling him pretty much what you said about your S. He has dug in his heels about not admitting that all the adults are right.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone... I value the input & will sleep on it.</p>
<p>Oh Catbird, been there...here was our fix:
Spoke with coach, S would be allowed to go out for the team if coach would support academic expectation. Agreed readily, and actually prepared a letter to be given to every one of S teachers stating that for his players academics were the priority. Therefore, he requested each teacher sign off on a weekly form verifying that assignments were completed, attendance & participation were satisfactory, and to rate S effort for the week. He then instituted an enforced study period (in Athletic Director's office)prior to daily practice for any student who experienced a drop (any drop) in grades in any class. Volunteer Faculty tutors would be provided for any student who needed more help. He announced he would calculate the team GPA at season end and expected that no player would drag the team GPA down. Well, the parents loved it, the players initially were not thrilled, but as the season went on, they actually enjoyed the study time, the accomplishment and the "hard nose" coach who they adored. It helped S over the short and long course as he matured and came to appreciate the opportunities available to him. Also, helped the coach to mentor and see his players as students. Faculty loved it so much they requested other coaches adopt the 'program'
Many have. For S old team, it continues to this day.</p>