<p>One other thing to mention about kids and work. Sometimes the best way to build character, a work ethic, and raise kids with the values that parents would most like them to have, has nothing to do with earning money.</p>
<p>I am referring to kids who volunteer in an area of interest, or pursue artistic goals such as dance or music, activities which can be time-consuming and preclude a lot of time working for pay (although they can, of course, still babysit or mow lawns).</p>
<p>In the short run, this can feel risky, and kids w/lower income parents, as well as the parents themselves, have to sacrifice for this path. </p>
<p>But in the long run, kids who follow their passions volunteering, or working in music, dance, art or theater, may gain more merit aid, or admission to private schools with great financial aid, because they spent their time this way. </p>
<p>So, over the long term, not only can this path be fulfilling for the spirit, but it can also be financially rewarding. And parents do not have to draw as many lines in the sand over money either.</p>
<p>Thank you, Chedva - this was one of those rare wonderful gems I have printed and filed away - too much of a gem to loose in the great wash of words on the internet:</p>
<p>[qutoe] One of Cliff Huxtable’s kids asked him, “Daddy, are we rich?” To which Cliff (Bill Cosby) replied, “Let me explain something. Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing.”
<p>I’m still on page five, but I have to say y expectations are in line with the OP’s. It’s what we said; NOT what we did.</p>
<p>We DID get the Mac (not Mac Pro), we DID buy the books (secondhand), we DID pay for some flights home. We were flexible, because we really did not know what to expect. </p>
<p>Second year rolls around, a lot of the college fund is gone (not her fault, and I wish she understood this more, but H and I disagreed about this), and D did not get the best grades, and admits to missing enough classes, that she expected a lower grade. (this was apparently spelled out, and she still missed class). In addition, she did not pursue summer work like I’d hoped, didn’t make enough money for her “share”,and has not complete FAFSA and Stafford apps that are now necessary. </p>
<p>Time for a new deal.</p>
<p>One of the best things I read here on the parents forum was exactly how much money was wasted with each missed class.</p>
<p>FWIW, I couldn’t imagine asking my folks for money in college, and kids I knew where working to send money home. When we started planning our kids college fund, I thought my H was crazy. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that parents did this!</p>
<p>I think the Bill Cosby line is funny but hurtful. It does have a grain of truth, but I think it’s snide. I am not my kids adversary, and I don’t want to communicate as one.</p>
<p>I also took flak for not forcing my one year old to stay in the water at his swimming lessons. I had to wait until he was four to learn to swim.</p>
OK, I guess I’m coming from a different point of view. My immediate family is affluent *only because * both my H and I work. It may be different for kids of inherited money, but I see nothing contrived about asking the child of working parents to work also and contribute to the family, even if that contribution is not necessary to keep the family above the poverty line.</p>
<p>Now, let me say that we do pay for my d’s books, etc. We have always considered the money to be “family” money; until she is self-supporting, the money that she earns isn’t really “hers”, any more than the money that I earn is “mine.” Same pair of pants, different pockets. And so we draw the lines about what is acceptable spending and what is not. When we decide that d should have a certain amount of money to spend, whether she “earned” it or not, she knows what our values are. She can spend it as she likes, but she knows that there isn’t necessarily an unending supply. The pockets are sometimes empty.</p>
<p>But I also do not believe that my family’s way is the only way or even the best way. It works for us; it may not work for you. That’s no reason to attack the OP or any other person for making different choices. </p>
<p>I make it a policy not to count other peoples’ money.</p>
<p>I don’t consider the income that H and I earn “our” money as opposed to the family’s money. My kids know it, just as they know our home is theirs, not just H’s and mine.
Still, they’ve never treated the house as if it were a hotel with 24/7 maid service and doorman. They’ve also done their share of chores when at home, without complaining (though sometimes they need reminding).
They’ve worked, most for the experience rather than the money. It’s been extremely helpful for them to know how the world of work is very different from college; to have structure to their days, especially during summer. It’s been great for S1 to identify a career by finding out what he really liked; for S2, it’s been a resume builder that helped him land other job opportunities and get into top grad programs.
For both of them, the money they earned meant that they could spend it as they pleased without having to justify it to parents (or even themselves). One thing I’ve never heard them say is “I want it because Joe and Bill in my class have it.” Maybe they know it’s not an argument that would carry any water with us.</p>