<p>daughter is a freshman at Ole Miss; was excited and happy the first couple weeks, then says nothing in particular happened but hates it now. Says "everyone" there is the same ... stuck up, mean, just into partying and being 'top dog'.</p>
<p>Her two roommates and their extended group of friends have excluded her more and more from socializing... (in a triple with two other girls, one of them a stereotypical "mean girl"), most recently the two roommates and another girl went to roommate's home for the weekend - talked about plans in dorm while my daughter was there, laughing and having fun, never even acknowledged they were leaving her out ... </p>
<p>Today, daughter called crying hard telling me she is terribly unhappy and lonely, tries everything she can to meet new people - friendly, talks to people in class, helps others w homework, tries to stay light-hearted and not mopey,etc, but feels like she cannot make friends. Doesn't understand why she's being excluded by these roommates and the extended group. Doesn't want to simply ask because she said that would just give them more ammunitiion for treating her like she's weird.</p>
<p>She now just wants to come home. Talked her into hanging on til December, and talking then. Said to focus now on just keeping grades up so she'll have transfer options if that's what she ends up really wanting.</p>
<p>i am currently in roughly the same exact situation as her. i might just know exactly how she feels right now. i’m basically coping with it by focusing on my studies for now and looking forward to breaks so i could go home for a few days; she’s lucky she has a family to go home to, i’m independent! haha
but yeah, keep it up by talking to her and supporting her, it really means a lot. i know cuz when my sister calls me, it makes my day- each time she calls</p>
<p>I don’t know about her school, but i know at mine you can sometimes change your rooming assignment for the winter semester. If she explains what’s going on to the housing office, maybe they’ll see if they can fill an empty room? </p>
<p>It may seem childish to simply “run away” from the problem like that, but sometimes, people just don’t gel. And you never know: her destined bff could be a few floors away!! Maybe she should see other students that are having a hard time with their roommates and peers. </p>
<p>Also, has she talked to her RA? I know that mine was really supportive when I was homesick at the beginning of the semester. She was basically my first friend, and i know that I can also go to her if more stuff happens. </p>
<p>It seems like she’s in a hard situation. I’ve been on both ends, and it’s totally wrong. I wish you all well.</p>
<p>Rugbyma, I just hate to hear this! We were just at Ole Miss this past Saturday and my son really liked it…we both especially noted how friendly everyone seemed. Now reading your post I wonder how genuine or pervasive the friendliness really is.</p>
<p>Has she found any clubs or groups that might be of interest to her… Where she would meet like minded kids? I agree with the other poster maybe she should speak to the RA there might be another in the same boat as her that is not happy in their roommate situation and would be willing to move… </p>
<p>I am sorry to hear she is unhappy…</p>
<p>Triples don’t work. My eldest hears the problems from the triple rooms around her. She’s been at her school for 4 years and has heard the problems from dormmates around her. </p>
<p>My middle daughter is having similar problems as your daughter. She’s in a triple with 2 girls who went to the same high school. They basically avoid each other. She’s the third wheel. She was in tears everyday but learned to avoid her dorm room by being active on campus. Her female RA’s are useless. They are never there, and have avoided that part of the hall because the majority of student’s are male; somehow, they’re intimidated by that. In order to change rooms at my daughter’s campus, the first step is to go to the RA’s. Since the RA’s are never on the floor and require appointments, that’s not going to happen. Daughter hates it but is trying to avoid any conflicts. These universities are trying to save money by sticking in a bunch of kids in small rooms. They need to realize that 3 in a room does not work!</p>
<p>I agree with the advice to talk to the RA - they’re around exactly for things like this, and can help your daughter repair her relationship with her roommates (or learn to deal with it if there’s no way around it) and find other ways to get friends.</p>
<p>I would also let your daughter know that sometimes roommates just don’t become bffs, and that I wouldn’t necessarily try to transfer rooms just because you don’t have the best relationship. If they are harassing her and treating her poorly, that’s one thing, but simply not inviting her out and talking about their plans in the room with her isn’t treating her poorly. Your daughter may just have to seek out friends in other places besides the residence hall. But I contend that a confidently asked question privately to the roommate (one at a time - not together) about the reason for the rift, if they were previously close, won’t make them treat her more weird. That’s part of growing up and becoming an adult, learning how to confront problems like this head on.</p>
<p>And yeah, I have to agree that triples suck and are usually just a tool of the university to try to save some money by squeezing three people together in the same room. Ugh.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear this. I can see that triples may not work because two people can antagonize one person. I’m also in a triple and I my roommates get along pretty easily and well, which is great because I’m introvert. But I go to a UC in California where people are generally laid back and accepting so things are very different for me. I do hope you get through this. Maybe you can tell your daughter to spend less time in her dorm while at the same time be attentive about what’s going on between the two.</p>