Unmotivated son

<p>I have an eighth grade son to whom everything academic comes easily. However, he lacks motivation. Any words of advice or wisdom?</p>

<p>I have a few. I felt the same way about my son. My daughter was and is an academic overachiever. She studied a lot and ENJOYED it. (She still does; she wants to be a professor so she can remain in academia for life.)</p>

<p>My son, in comparison, seemed like a total slacker. He entered high school and I thought we'd be lucky if he kept his grades high enough to get into our state U. (Not that there's anything wrong with state U., but you get my drift.)</p>

<p>Anyway, we never see him study and he seems to do everything sort of fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants. Well, lo and behold, he's ranked 7th after freshman year. And after sophomore year, he's ranked 3rd (out of 800). And I still never see him study. I finally figured out that he's slacking more than his sister ever did, but he also has a secret life. He actually cares about his grades and every once in awhile, he'll pop up with information about a specific college or program.</p>

<p>So, the truth is, he appears to lack motivation and academics do come fairly easily. But he puts up a front and actually is motivated privately. I hope that helps a bit.</p>

<p>I think it is early to tell what time and maturation will bring. My son in 8th grade also seemed to do well but to be indifferent to many things I would have wanted/expected him to respond to (based on how I had been at that age I suppose). I had a major recognition somewhere along in the early high school years that I absolutely should NOT generalize from myself to him--or even from other kids I knew (my best friends son was fascinated with the whole college application process all along; mine could not be motivated to express one bit of interest before entering 12th grade...) Nonetheless he did well enough to be admitted to his first choice and an excellent school where he is very happy and NOW doing a million things and very motivated. I think they need time to percolate. I agree with many of Silllystrings observations: there is a private world where they are constructing themselves and we are actually not invited in. Doesn't mean we succeed in keeping from commentaty though!! If he is doing well-enough, then just buy some duct tape and find some other parents to commiserate with...</p>

<p>Thanks Sillystring7! Your S sounds exactly like my S!
I hope he keeps his grades in H.S.</p>

<p>I'm running out now to get some ducktape!!</p>

<p>read this thread <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=138239%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=138239&lt;/a> lots of comments/tips/pointers....</p>

<p>Thanks Jym626...your link had lots of useful information!</p>

<p>My pleasure. We who have struggled with, and discussed slacker sons should unite :)</p>

<p>
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I have an eighth grade son to whom everything academic comes easily. However, he lacks motivation.

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<p>The problem is that most schools in the United States are too easy to provide an interesting challenge and sense of accomplishment even to AVERAGE kids (as surveys have revealed), much less to kids with more natural ability. The way to maintain motivation is to find more challenging activities--outside of school if need be, or by changing schools if all else fails.</p>

<p>Pretty much i've learned with my younger brothers do not force anything upon them or they will rebel big time</p>

<p>Have you considered bribery?</p>

<p>We have neighbors (certainly not poor, but not filthy rich) who told their son in Middle School that if he got straight A's they would buy him a car when he turned 16. He is now driving an Nissan Xterra or something similar (but buying his own gas). I know it sounds like something I should be totally against, but I can't help but wonder if my S would be any different today if I had offered him a similar deal four years ago. (I'm guessing not.) I guess my hope is that whatever motivation he has today is truly his and won't evaporate when he goes off to college next year.</p>

<p>Maybe I should try with my 9th-grade D, though!</p>

<p>Sillystring, you didn't even answer the original poster's question. All you did was brag about your son.</p>

<p>
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I have an eighth grade son to whom everything academic comes easily. However, he lacks motivation. Any words of advice or wisdom?

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</p>

<p>Yeah, he's bored. Help him find something to keep his mind occupied. You may have to act as his external brain for a few years to keep him on track in school. Do it. As soon as he is eligible for it, sign up for the early entry to junior college program (here it's called Running Start). It might not be Harvard, but community colleges are still a lot more like college than glorified nursery shco--- I mean high school. The trick is to help him keep his GPA above the magic 3.0 so that he will look like a bored smart kid and not a slacker.</p>

<p>That's a good idea WashDad. Hopefully, OP's son would be open to something like that. My "slacker" son reluctantly agreed to do a couple of short summer programs, but it's hard to get him to agree to do much extra. He acts like spending 8 hours a day in school is all he can bear.</p>

<p>Sometimes, though, his father or I make a suggestion and it's met with great reluctance. Then, a few weeks later he seems to come around. He's always been the type who wants to do things at his own pace and of his own volition. The more we push, the more he refuses to do whatever we're suggesting. So, if we really want him to do something it's best to act like we don't. If that makes any sense at all.</p>

<p>I hadn't heard of that one before, but it makes sense to me. Gives me hope.</p>

<p>Casual visits to great campuses might be motivating. We did some early ones with an older cousin and I think it piqued S's interest. He's been much more motivated in HS than in middle school because he wants to get into a good college and some of the coursework has been more interesting and challenging. Though with some misgivings, I let my son spend a lot of time on the internet as long as he gets homework done. It often looks like a waste of time, but he learns an incredible amount that way.</p>

<p>In reply to the last few posts:</p>

<p>My S attends a private school which is considered to be the most challenging in our city. He still does nothing when he gets home from school. His younger brother, on the other hand, studies/does homework all afternoon. The unmotivated (older one about whom this post is about) keeps on getting good grades, so I can't really complain, although he should be getting great grades. They say that the high school gets a lot more challenging, and I can't wait! "A great mind is a terrible thing to waste."</p>

<p>I do not think bribing a child with a car is a good idea at all!!! It will backfire!</p>

<p>I like the college visiting idea!</p>

<p>Thanks</p>

<p>Middle schools are largely a waste of time all over the United States--that is the age at which American students fall behind students in other countries. My son and I shopped for private schools most of last year, and what retards progress in private high schools is the meager preparation offered in most middle schools. Some extracurricular activities at middle school age help a lot, as do selected distance-learning courses.</p>

<p>curiousmother, my older s was also a "smart slacker" he would dig himself into holes by laziness, only to somehow end up with a good grade, thereby reinforcing his overblown sense of ability. No matter how many times I told him that it would be easier if he had never gotten in the hole in the first place, he would respond with the fact that he always ended up with good grades. I told him that one day it would catch up with him!!! He is a sophomore in college now and I'm still waiting for that day! He drives me crazy with his calls mid semester saying that he is worried about a class, and then lo and behold, somehow he does well. </p>

<p>I think for some kids, that is just their MO. My second s is a plodder, he works very diligently, stays totally on top of his work, and studies like crazy. I don't know how they came from the same parents!!!</p>

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I do not think bribing a child with a car is a good idea at all!!! It will backfire!

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<p>Sounds like the car needs a tuneup! Oh, it is the bribe that will backfire? LOL</p>

<p>Actually I agree with you that bribes only work in a very short term manner (just like threats).</p>

<p>And I agree that schools make it very easy for kids to get gratification at that age. Perhaps because they've become accustomed to that through elementary years (where they are trying to build self confidence). I guess if you put enough carrots close enough to the horse for enough time, you get a fat horse who only looks for nearby carrots only when he is very hungry.</p>

<p>Time to get the horse off the carrot diet.</p>

<p>I think kids at that age who fall into that kind of trap need a new motivator, be it a "mature" type reward (inclusion into an perceived older age group activity) that is linked to being reserved only for those who (insert your list of tedious tasks here).</p>

<p>Yes, it sounds like a bribe, but it is about growing up, more than achieving. At that age the perception of being in an older age group becomes more important that with younger kids (who haven't built up so many things in their heads yet - and are more likely to be happy with who they are).</p>

<p>Bored kids are the ones who just want to get on with it because they know where they want to be (which isn't where they are - adolescence).</p>