Aaaaaannnnyway . . .
Giving an update after more research being done by the young Wazlib. 
She is finding some schools that are really rising to the top. Much like @calliemomofgirls for her youngest child’s search, the thing that is rising to the top for my daughter are schools that have a strong community and feeling of kindness. She is having a hard time with some schools with online searching and trying to figure out if there is a strong community among the kids. Also important (about equally so) is that the school has a lot of clubs and activities (and a lot of student-started/run clubs). She doesn’t want just “Math Club” and “Science Club”, but is feeling much more strongly favorable toward schools where the clubs are quite obviously started by students, even if she’s not interested in that particular club. For example, one school has a Harry Styles Club (not her thing, but she appreciated that the school has it on the list of clubs on their website) and another has a Dog Walking Club. She is looking for a school strong in academics, particularly science, history, and writing. She likes hands-on work. We as her parents want her at a place that will encourage her to try new things and allow her the space to develop interests in a variety of areas.
I would love some feedback from the parents that have either sent kids to schools she is considering or visited/interacted with students and faculty on campus. The search has narrowed to only schools in New England or very close (Emma Willard and Millbrook made the cut). So sad to say that Mercersburg (which sounded like the perfect fit from parents on here) is out, as are other great schools like St. Andrews.
On the very long list to research or that have already been researched along with some thoughts from the young one to help everyone understand what she is looking for:
Schools that have been researched and liked/loved:
Berkshire - loved the advanced and hands-on science programs, theatre productions, XC team, location, Pro Vita (both ethos and actual program) etc.
Emma Willard - loved what she could see of the culture, great academics, doesn’t mind that it is all girls
Middlesex - a favorite so far, loved everything about it - culture/community, clubs, sports, arts, location, writing program, etc
Millbrook - She wasn’t as wowed as the first three, but she still liked. Liked the opportunities the zoo seemed to offer
Pomfret - Probably her least favorite of the schools she likes. I have to say, from the videos we saw, it seems kind of run down?? Everything in the background of the videos had paint missing from walls, kind of a “basement” feel to a lot of the rooms, etc. Does anyone have a different point of view on this or videos that might showcase some people with more personality and facilities with more “pizzazz”? Fun fact, though - when she researches the schools, she looks at the menus for the week (food is important!) and Pomfret was making her very favorite food for dinner on her birthday (and it’s not a popular food). That put a smile on her face.
Schools that have been researched and are currently “okay”, but not in the top:
Choate (The feeling was “meh” on this one. Seemed too impersonal and institutional from the website and videos)
Deerfield (she said she couldn’t really get a good sense of community here - any thoughts or places you can direct us to look for videos or things that will showcase a strong community?)
Northfield Mount Hermon (a fairly strong dislike on her side)
St. Mark’s (asking her to take another look at this one)
Schools still to be researched:
Concord Academy
Gould Academy
Holderness
Hotchkiss
Loomis-Chaffee
New Hampton
Proctor Academy
Putney
Suffield Academy
Tabor
Taft
Westminster
Westover
Williston Northampton
Schools removed from consideration:
Groton (religious requirement)
Kents Hill (no theatre program)
St. George’s (religious requirements)
Dealbreakers for her: Any sort of religious “must do” (for example, the requirement at Groton to attend a religious service is an absolute no for her). But if it is a “chapel talk” type thing, that is okay. She doesn’t want prayers or hymns, though. A school that doesn’t offer XC as a sport. A school that doesn’t have a theatre program or that wouldn’t allow her to do a production as well as be on the XC team (if the school only offers a production in the fall for example). Schools that are too big (a school like Exeter is too big).
If you know already that one of the schools to be researched has a “deal breaker”, please share so we don’t waste time!