Unsure Appointee: Parents Please

Colleges and Universities A-Z Naval Academy - Annapolis
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<p>Bodasivrak</p>

<p>"Kids who don't go to service academies are also extraordinary in "many different ways. Shogun's comments made it seem like service academy parents are somehow "better" parents"</p>

<p>I don't believe I ever made any comment one way or another about anyone who did not go to a service academy or their parents. I am not sure where you got that.</p>

<p>"I believe some of the parents on this forum need to be a little more humble about their kids and their accomplishments."</p>

<p>Humble? yes, I agree. My daughter is 3 times as smart, strong, and mentally tough as I could ever hope to be. Maybe it has as much to do with what my wife and I didn't do for our kids as much as what we did do. Either way, someday you as a parent may be fortunate enough to experience what other parents on this board are feeling today. Being a parent is tough and the outcome can't always be blamed or credited with luck, circumstance, or just having a kid that wants to "try harder".</p>

<p>If you aren't willing to be proud of the outcome (or responsible for the failure), why raise kids at all? It's already pretty apparent in society that many who do have kids shouldn't and many who don't should.</p>

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<p>BodaSivrak - </p>

<p>Just to clarify, it's my kid that's extraordinary. I'm along for the ride. White-knuckled all the way.</p>

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<p>BodaSivrak</p>

<p>You seem very intent on separating how a young person turns out from the influences he or she has experienced that result from 18 years of living with their parents---not just living with parents, being RAISED by them.</p>

<p>It can't be done. We are all the product of our environment, good or bad.</p>

<p>Tell a parent they shouldn't have "bragging rights" when it comes to their kids????</p>

<p>Nope.</p>

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<p>My mom told me this a long time ago when I was a new mom... "All of your kids will disappoint you at some time or other. It's just a case of when" (thanks, Mom LOL) But, she really is right. There will be the disappointment in situations, behaviors, choices, teams not made, accomplishments not had, and then all the REALLY big disappointments that can come along the way like drug abuse and other equally destructive things. I consider myself lucky that, so far, my kids are all doing well. Of course, one is only 2. LOL But, for the colicky nights, walking the floors, the back talk, the tantrums at restaurants, and on and on, I deserve a little bit of bragging rights when one of my children does so well. Tit for tat really. :) Like Shogun said, raise a couple of kids and you may see your views change a bit. </p>

<p>Anyway, this is actually a silly argument based on the fact that this IS the Naval Academy thread. Young men and women who choose this route are extraordinary. That doesn't take away from anyone else's choices. It is just a fact in and of itself.<br>
NAPS05mom</p>

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<p>Its hard to keep up with all of the comments that were made in response. So, in no particular order . . ..</p>

<p>First. I think you REAR children and RAISE corn. But, I digress . . . </p>

<p>Second. KL seems to have said it well: It IS the kid that is extraordinary, we are just along for the ride. While I have every right to be proud of my child's accomplishments, HE is the one that worked hard, got the grades, became involved, etc. While I did much, i.e. provide the environment, nurtured him, and paid the bills, HE is the one the one choosing to attend USNA.</p>

<p>Third. I posted my comments in response to [don't want to look it up] that said SHE was sad about the opportunities her child was giving up by attending. My comment, more or less, was that it wasn't HER loss. The decision was that of her child and he/she will live with the result.</p>

<p>Fourth. The question was whether you regret having an ordinary life? The fact is, by definition, most people have ordinary lives. That is why they are ordinary. If, in retrospection, you have ever had the opportunity to be extradordinary [say by having a chance to work in the White House but did not because of a college romance] and chose not to be, did you regret that decision?</p>

<p>Fifth. Kids who don't go to service academies are extradordinary in many different ways. This sounds like new-age babble that attempts to make everybody feel wonderful about themselves. Fact is, kids that go to the acadmies [and top-flight universities] are extraordinary. [See 4 above.] They have proven themselves in many different ways to be a cut above their peers. Not all kids are extraordinary; most kids are ordinary.</p>

<p>Sixth. I am very proud of my son. I feel, however, that HIS accomplishments, while they may reflect on my parental abilities, are really his. As I tell people, I didn't score 1500+ on the SAT and have straight A's. He did. A parent can be both: proud of their child and cognizant that it was their child that accomplished the stats.</p>

<p>Last. While those that attend "top 20" civilian colleges have a proven record for the first 18 years of their life; they may be extraordinary so far . . . it is what they do in the next 18 years that will really make a difference in their lives.</p>

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<p>Not checking into this site for a day really means missing out on some interesting discussions. </p>

<p>Kate, shogun, and bill, I certainly believe you have made excellent points that I can agree with. </p>

<p>Boda, I understand what you're saying. I'd just like to add that I am raising my children purposefully and not letting things just happen. There are conscious decisions that parents make regarding their children. I certainly did not steer my daughter to choose a service academy or military life (you'll know this if you can find my post about growing up during the Vietnam war). However, I suspect that most of the parents on this site have helped their children to learn to think for themselves and to avoid the instant gratification that we see many preferring. And I also suspect that the candidates who post on this site are in the same boat - with parents who have raised you to think. I'm not an exceptional parent (wish I was). I did take the job seriously, though. And I'll bet your parents are very proud of you - they might even be bragging :-)</p>

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<p>another school also looks compelling to him. As far as I can see, our son has nothing at all against the Academy, likes it very much, and has no worries about surviving the Academy. The other school is also extremely demanding, but in a different way. So, it apparently will be a question of what form of rigorous testing will he be willing to undertake.</p>

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<p>ADad, I know exactly how your son feels because I don't really have any concerns about surviving the Academy either. The other schools I have applied to (and been accepted to) are very demanding also, but in a totally different way. Academics will certainly be a challenge, but having a large number of distractions is a real concern of mine. Dorms can get very loud at night and there isn't a whole lot one can do when it's the late hours at night and there's plenty of homework to do. I'm attracted to the civilian schools because of the variety of activities and programs available, but with these pros come the cons. The same thing with the Academy. I would absolutely LOVE the set schedules and quiet times for study and I know I would thrive in that environment. I guess what is tearing at me is the need to be involved in as much as I can. I'm not home much now because of student govt., debate, sports, jobs, volunteer work and my participation on the swim team at the club I belong to. The Academy has a few things I would definitely participate in, but I'm not sure if it's enough. Then again, I'm not sure that I would be entirely happy at a civilian school either. The choice is very difficult and one has to feel completely happy with their decision. I know now I want to major in Political Science and I thought that Harvard, Yale, Princeton or Stanford would be the better choice, but I'm still in a quandary. <em>sigh</em></p>

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<p>I have read your posts over the months and it is very obvious that you are a bright, motivated young woman. Something in your last post compelled me to respond. First of all, with your abilities, you will more than likely shine wherever you go. I don't think it's always possible to be 100% sure and happy about your college decision. Over 20 years later, I still somewhat mourn the college I didn't attend, even though I absolutely loved and thrived at the one I did attend. With each acceptance, there are various paths and outcomes you can imagine for yourself. Some are similar, some different. I think it's normal to question and dream about these possibilities. When you finally do have to make a decision, it's also normal to mourn the lost opportunities. The question you have to ask yourself, I believe, is not so much "where will I fit in?", but one more of where you are feeling "called" to or can't imagine leaving behind. But, in the end, not many things are irreversible. A lost opportunity one one hand is an opportunity for something different on another. I know that doens't help much. But, after you have all your acceptances, scholarships etc. search your heart for the one that is tugging at it. Then bite the bullet and commit 100% to your decision.<br>
NAPS05mom</p>

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<p>NavGirl,
You can be a busy as you want to be at the Academy. The MAG (Midshipman Action Group) is extremely active in Annapolis community. This year my Plebe vounteered in the Shock Trauma Unit at the local hospital, is in Model UN and he's working with Special Olympics this spring. Next year he wants to work for Mids for Kids (going into the local schools as tutors and mentors of the kids), the Naval Academy Foreign Affairs Conference and a slew of other things. He's a hopeful history major and is looking at the Voluntary Graduate Education Program for his First Class Year. VGE allows Midshipman who have completed their required credits to start their graduate work at any of the Washington DC/Baltimore universities...we talking Georgetown, GW and Hopkins. He wants to study International Relations or Foreign Affairs. One of his history professors got his PhD at Yale, taught there and told my son that he feels the students at USNA are far and away better writers than quite a few of his students at Yale. Don't let the percieved "lack" of activities keep from going to USNA!</p>

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<p>Navgirl:
I wholeheartedly agree with Midmom. Just take a look at the profiles of the Mids that won the Rhodes Scholarships. They certainly did not lack for interesting things to do. As I write this, my Plebe son is out of the country with one of his club activities. In many ways, I feel that he has gotten involved in more activities in his first year than my other children who are attending top civilian schools. So, at least from our personal experience, I would have to say that USNA has presented him with MORE opportunities to be involved, not less.</p>

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<p>I am thinking along with NAPS05mom in regard to your quandary. I don't think you'll be able to be fullly happy with any decision, because to choose one school involves rejecting numerous other, very attractive schools, and thus missing out on their unique opportunities. </p>

<p>I think, though, that as you live with your current discomfort, and calmly mull things over, you'll gradually come to see that one course seems best for you. Perhaps (or maybe even probably) you won't be able to say or defend why, but you'll have a sense of peace, wholeness and purpose in connection with that course. Then, in my opinion, you'll know which path to take.</p>

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<p>Navgirl--
My son went through a similar dilema last year--he was accepted at a number of "attractive schools" and at USAFA, he was not sure what to do until he was disqualified for an injury and had to request a medical waiver --when he thought that he wouldn't be able to go to the Academy he realized that was his #1 choice. He pursued and received his medical waiver and is now completing his "Doolie" year at the Air Force Academy. I asked him the other day if he had any regrets and he said No! in no uncertain terms. Ask yourself what would I do if any of the offers were suddenly withdrawn--you may find your answer --my son did.</p>

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<p>Wow! Thank you all SOOOOO much! I still feel the need to wait to hear from the other schools (won't be too much longer) before making my decision, but it's nice to know that USNA offers so many activities. The friends I have there haven't really spoken much about them, but then our discussions usually revolve around other topics. I'll be sure to ask them about it next time we converse.</p>

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<p>With all due respect, Bill, I think you're being a bit harsh on navgirl...like most of us she is 17 or 18(as you noted), conflicted about her future, and a very outgoing and positive personality. Don't knock her for that. These are huge decisions we're making. Some have more choices than others; some, like myself, are still waiting to hear something. These forums are a means of venting, thinking out loud. Take everything that's said with the proverbial grain of salt. Don't knock somebody who is just expressing their feelings.</p>

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<p>Boss, the point is there are many intelligent talented people on this board with hard decisions to make the difference is the daily hawking of the fact that ohmygod I got into every ivy yelps, it gets obnoxious after awhile - and further my son got an appt, got acccepted to some great universities and it is a the toughest decision he ever had to make and this board has been indispensible for listening and learning everyones views and getting advise, but coming here everyday to once again list your accomplishments for the umpteenth time is just not serving a purpose anymore.</p>

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<p>Bossf51, thank you for your support!</p>

<p>Bill0510 & parent1412, As Bossf51 stated, I have posted on CC as a way of venting and sharing my feelings throughout this whole application process. And no, I have not been accepted to all the Ivies, nor have I stated that I have been. I merely have talked about the various options in hopes to get feedback (positive, that is) from others here on the forum, whether it be from students or parents. Up until now, I have been extremely pleased with the comments here on the USNA forum. It is unfortunate that both of you feel the way you do. I certainly did not mean to come across as sounding like an egotistical jerk the way you have portrayed me to be. Also, my time spent here on CC is mostly during my lunch hour here at school or a quick posting right after school. Quite frankly, I don't see why you care how much I post anyway. And, as far as my friends go, I have plenty, thank you.</p>

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<p>Don't let this discourage you navgirl. I know you must be excited about your options and like talking about it. When good things happen in my life, I tell everyone that listens.</p>

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<p>Navgirl,Without even realizing it you may have just helped narrow down your final decision.I say this because should you select any military academy I assure you there will be no "COURTESY" terms of service agreement to arm yourself with should your instructor fail to be polite during times of constructive criticism. In all seriousness I wish you the best of luck in your decision.</p>

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<p>NavGirl...and to the rest of this thread,
There is a thin line between the need for reassurance, support, etc. and the ability of a chosen few (all of us on this discussion board) to meet those very demanding needs. NavGirl, you are in the drastic (and at the same time, ironically, in a very cruel but fortunate) position of having to make a decision that will inevitably haunt you for the rest of your natural born life -not to mention its impact on the legacy you will leave behind from that life you will undoubtly live. (NEWSFLASH: Thats REALITY!) It is a tremendously difficult decision to make, especially at our age. But the fact of the matter remains- we must at MANY points in our lives (as Bill0510 mentioned) make these decisions without fully knowing our own fate and where we will end up in the future. This is the cruel side of humanity...we are indeed running blind. We just have to do the best we can with what we are given.. and work, live, love, and pray for the best. Thats all we CAN do. Asking more from anyone else is futile. The conflict within you is now out of this forum's hands.. it now fully relies upon you and you alone. No one else can make this decision for you. YOU must decide where your heart truly lies... and you MUST be willing to take those risks in your life or you are going to be completely vunerable to defeat. You take your life into your own hands the very minute you step out the door in the morning. You must be able to take a chance.... and you must be willing to put aside all doubt and DO what has ALWAYS been in your heart and mind ..regardless of the risk involved.. because THATS how we humans Grow in mind, body, spirit, and above all... character. I do not know what the future has in store for me.. but I am going to take it one step at a time .. and ENJOY the trip we call life while I STILL have it! This is my very first post... and I just couldnt help see this conversation destroy itself with animosity. I am a freshman at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. I am an 18 year old little boy who was rejected by Navy last year. I didnt give up.. i never lost faith.. I haven't lost heart. I reapplied.. and was accepted to West Point this year.. (I'm still waiting to hear from Navy and Air Force).. The Army isn't where my heart truly is.. BUT.. i am willing to take that Chance and see where it may lead me! Life is full of options..and sometimes you don't have the luxery of choosing where God wants you to go. Put faith where faith belongs and I am sure you will ultimately be happy doing whatever this life throws your way. The rest of this thread needs to realize that we ALL are like NavGirl at times... when difficulty turns its ugly head towards us. Where do we go?.. who do we turn to?.. how do you think the people you seek assistance and comfort and consolation from feel when YOU need help or reassurance? this online community was formed to help each other through these difficulties in life..because we are not so different than the ones who need the help. I hope and pray that it works out for the best for Everyone! I wish you all a wonderful day!
Alex</p>