My short paragraph is to be about 250 words and I was needing some opinions on it as well as some revisions.
Thank you for your time!
USC students are known to be involved. Briefly describe a non-academic pursuit (such as service to community or family, a club or sport, or work, etc.,) that best illustrates who you are, and why it is important to you.
Softball matters to me most and has been a great addition to my life. It keeps me in shape and it’s transformed me from a “good” person to a “better” person. But my father is the reason how I became a “better” person. He has always taught me to be a quality person; a person who is not only a great athlete, but also a person who has a great personality; a dual side that people would appreciate to see. it’s a huge part of my life. It’s something that’s motivated me to do things that I didn’t think I ever would have done. It has given me hope in helping my family with a scholarship, and if that plan fails, the lessons of softball and building character from my father is a beneficial factor to my life and the motivation from my mother with studying has allowed academics to be my other pathway. The sacrifices made from my parents—their time, their sleep, their money—and the people around me will forever be appreciated. Some days it would be miserable to just stand by and watch my family work, but I took it as a learning experience; a learning experience that’s helped me figure out what I want to do for my future.
I’m thinking that the last part, “The sacrifices…” is irrelevant and does not fit with the rest?