UW Stout Short Essay - Need Advice

Can somebody please give me any advice or tips on what to change/fix in my short essay? Thank you! I’m applying the UW Stout for Computer Science (with game development as a main concentration, which is an option at that college)

Please tell us about the particular life experiences, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring specifically to our campus that will enrich our community.

I am very interested in achieving a Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Science, with Game Development as a main concentration. My mother is a software developer and I’ve been surrounded by technology since I was in 7th grade, which led to me being more and more interested in all the fundamentals of computers and the possibilities of what can be achieved with software. I have a lot of passion for game development. In early high school, my best friend and I had developed a full conversion mod for Amnesia: The Dark Descent, an immersive horror game with a lot of development tools provided by Frictional Games. The mod was an add-on to allow players an extra story to play. I was super excited to learn all the level development, scripting, and try to make a “custom story” that everybody would love. We worked on our project for almost a year and a half. Whenever we both had a free day off work, we would sit down and develop maps and scripts together for 8+ hours straight. I loved testing out all my work and solving the problems that occurred occasionally in the scripts. After we released our mod early 2012 to the public (through Moddb), we got over 15,000 downloads and a lot of positive feedback! We kept updating the game to help fix any problems people were having while playing the game. Later in 2012, I released an independent project I was working on for Amnesia: The Dark Descent (which I had been working on for 8 months), and I added a brand-new element to the game (which many mod developers at the time hadn’t added), Role-Playing. I scripted six characters you could play in the game, a lot of scenarios with lots of choices, and multiple endings. Watching a lot of people play my project on YouTube videos, I saw a lot of positive feedback, which always leads me to want to give the public more and more content. In 2013, I co-developed a mod for Amnesia: The Dark Descent with a friend I made from the Netherlands. We talked online, and I spent 30+ hours a week developing that mod with him. I provided storyline, maps, scripts, ideas, narration, on-screen GUIs, music, etc. We finished the project in under 4 months. After a couple versions being released, we had over 30,000 downloads and even Pewdiepie (the most subscribed YouTuber) had played the mod, he made two videos on it.

I am a very committed person, I will always make time to study and do my homework, while working a stable full-time job at Target for almost 4 years. One of the things I value most in my life is personal relationships, with friends, family, and co-workers. I’ve had a steady relationship with my amazing girlfriend for about 4.5 years. I am very committed to making time for my friends, too. I am usually the one that will host game nights and organize gatherings whenever I have free time. I love working with others and achieving our goals together, which is also why I became a Team Leader at Target.

I want to be successful in my hopeful long-term career as a game developer (or a software developer). My commitment, attitude, and enthusiasm for computer science drive me to go to work, to go to school, and to develop games with my friends. I believe I could enrich Stout’s community with my knowledge and experience, building relationships, and working together with other students.