<p>Hello everyone,
I've just started writing a draft for the common app essay for prompt #4 which reads "Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?”
So I'm a fan of video games and I talked about how i play them in this secluded part of my house and how they allow me to escape from reality and explore the new worlds in the games. In the end I tie it into how the diverse opportunities colleges will allow me to enjoy similar simulations and grow to be a better person. Overall, i think i wrote my draft really well. Also aren't college essays supposed to be really personal and informal (I included humor in mine) ?
What i hope to figure out from you all is what the average admissions officer will think. Would they see me as a slacker in school or something, even though I'm not? I'm actually a really hard worker(In the top 1 percent out of 400 kids in my class), but what if they don't see that? Videogames are just really fun for me and I am just wondering if its too risky or not to go along with this as my essay focus.
So what do you all think? Any comments, advice, anything.
Thanks in advance</p>
<p>For any prompt, they still want to learn what makes you compelling for their school, how you will fit, what you bring to the campus community. Choosing to tell them, in your app, that you like hiding somewhere, escaping reality, playing videos…do you think that’s what they have in mind for a solid college experience? What you choose to say also reflects your judgment.</p>
<p>No, it’s not meant to be “really personal,” if that sends up flags. Try to make the essay relevant to a college admit review, let it show the sort of personal attributes they seek. “Show, not tell.” </p>
<p>Thank you for the comment @lookingforward. I see what you say so do you have any suggestions as to how I can edit my essay sort of steering towards a new focus? </p>
<p>If you still really want to use that topic, then try to point more toward collaborative team-work based video games instead of single player ones.</p>
<p>Lots of posters will tell you to be yourself. But you’re 16 or 17, doing college apps for the first time, hoping to make that leap. It’s not a hs essay, where a teacher might be delighted by certain sorts of self-revelation, as an exercise. I wouldn’t encourage any kid to admit to wanting to escape reality. Truth is, we all have ways we do that, but it isn’t something to bring up on an app, unless some “greater good” came from it. (That usually means, some impact you had on someone or something else.) What tier of colleges?</p>
<p>Writing an essay about video games has the potential to be different, something an admissions officer sick of the same mundane topics loves. What really matters is your execution. You mentioned it has humour. Is the humour actually humorous or just meh?</p>
<p>I don’t fully agree with you @lookingforward. Talking about video games will be a very unique essay. I would say try to find a more unique angle. Saying that they allow yo to escape reality is very cliche. Find something about those videogames to focus on and really illustrate your essay. Like @lookingforward said, “Show, don’t tell.”
Even better, try to really show your perspective on something through videogaming (if that makes sense.) When people say your essays should be personal, what they mean is that they should give the reader an insight to an aspect of your life. It should show how you think, or who you are, etc.</p>
<p>I do not think an admissions officer is going to like this topic. They are looking for students to be engaged and active on campus. A student who writes about a video game like this is likely to… sit in his room and game all the time. They want students who engage in their communities. I think you need to scrap this idea and look for something else. </p>
<p>So I shouldn’t say that I used my passion for writing to escape reality? I think it definitely brings something new to the table, but it depends how the committee sees it. I don’t know if video games is the way to go 
The essay should be personal because it’s supposed to show who you are as a person and these people are EXPERTS! They’ll be able to tell if you truly feel passionate or if you wrote something you think other people want to hear. Maybe don’t say it that it’s a way for you to escape reality, but rather a way to explore another reality. One with a new environment you’ve never seen before, then compare that to college and how college will give you same vibe but this time you’ll get to actually live out the new reality. </p>
<p>Everything depends on how you write it. I’ve read friends’ essays that took very unique angles and ergo were very interesting to read. I’ve also read a few that didn’t grab my attention at all and were simply boring.
Using video games as a topic can be great, but it can also be bad. It all depends on what you highlight/mention and in general, how you write it.
@somethingwithin is right. Admissions officers really can see through false passion in an essay. Doesn’t matter how well you think you wrote it, there is a good chance they’ll notice. My biggest recommendation is to have parents/teachers read over your drafts. Ask them to focus on things you can clarify, on whether or not it sounds genuine</p>
<p>I once read an essay that compared his life to a chess match in which he described parts then would relate it by saying “Bishop takes rook at…” It was very clever. The way you tell your story is how you leave an impact.</p>
<p>That sounds like a really cool essay! I once went to a UChicago talk, and the dean of admissions metioned one essay that he liked in particular. The student basically talked about how if she were forced into cannibalization at her school, she would eat the most interesting students (she had some really unique reason for it which I for some reason can’t remember at the moment), and that’s why she would want to go to uChicago - becaue the school is very diverse.
I think the reason may have been along the lines of gaining knowledge that way or something… Anywys, don’t quote me on it :P</p>
<p>The dean basically said that he loves that essay so much because it was unique, well-written, gave an insight as to what is important to her, etc.
He also mentioned not to force humor into an essay, as it will most likely not be very funny. The essay hould be very natural and you.</p>
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<p>You guys are missing the point of the essay. Being readable and clever is no good if it portrays you in a light that isn’t what the college wants more of. The U of C essay is completely different (and creative) in a way that I don’t think the OP’s essay could be. A good essay is revealing of yourself and leads the college to want to add you to their campus. I can’t see how writing about a made-up environment that someone else made up (!) that colleges hope students won’t spend all their time in is a winning formula. Look elsewhere.</p>
<p>I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say.
I completely agree that the OP should be careful in how he or she writes the essay (to portray him or her in a positive light.) That being said, the concept of video games shouldn’t be thrown out automatically. I feel like there is a stigma associated with video games that says all you do is sit in front of a TV and play games. Although I personally don’t see any productive value in video games (I actually despise of them,) that doesn’t mean that someone else doesn’t.
It’s difficult to critique an essay being provided basically just the concept. </p>
<p>" I can’t see how writing about a made-up environment that someone else made up (!) that colleges hope students won’t spend all their time in is a winning formula."
^don’t know how to quote anything :P</p>
<p>The essay was in no way a winning formula. It was memorable due to its oddity (basically acted as a hook.) It showed interest to be a part of a diverse student population that the university is very fond of. For these reasons, the dean liked it. In addition to the rest of the student’s application, it showed high interest in the school which is something they consider.</p>
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<p>Wow… you are still missing the point. The OP may see value in it, but odds are very good an admissions counselor won’t. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE.</p>
<p>And the point of my comment about the made up environment is about what the OP wants to write about (video game environment), not an example you posted. I see why the dean liked the cannibal essay (but they are U of Chicago, creativity is highly rewarded in the essays there).</p>
<p>@intparent is correct. Your audience isn’t necessarily going to be so sympathetic and familiar with the video gaming environments and experiences that are so prevalent among teens today. For all you know, one of your readers could be someone who thinks that video games are a lead cause of teenage violence and/or for the antisocial. You want to be creative, but not so out there or radical that you run the risk of offending or going against the preconceptions that an AO may have, even in this day and age. The video game concept could work for a younger reader; for an older reader quite unfamiliar with video games… not necessarily.</p>
<p>I enjoy occasional video games (and just finished reading “Ready Player One” if anyone is interested in a good fiction read set mostly in a video game world!). But that does not make it appropriate fodder for a Common App essay.</p>
<p>You still don’t see what I’m trying to say. If the OP writes a typical essay about video games, then chances are it won’t do much good. In no way am I saying that the admissions officer has to see value in video games. I can see a perfectly fine essay being written with the use of a video game as a metaphor.
You have to know your audience - yes. That’s why you alter the angle you take in the essay. You don’t talk about juts playing the game, but something greater.
Just because most essays about video games won’t be great, doesn’t mean all of them will be. </p>
<p>Nope. You don’t understand the purpose of the college essay. It isn’t to show how clever you are, or how well you can draw a methaphor (although I do not believe the OP was really considering the metaphor angle). You somehow think a well turned phrase is what it is all about. It is the essence of the essay that reveals YOU that matters. This is almost inherently impossible in an essay about video games, AND leaves the admissions officer with the impression that you spend your spare time on a time-wasting activity that doesn’t involve real life interaction with other people. Terrible topic!</p>