It’s an important read to raise awareness.
This is so important. And I get really concerned when I read posts from well-meaning parents saying “everything will work out…they will end up where they were meant to be”. That’s just not always true. I have lived this article except for the tragic end. Picking your kid up from freshman year is a very real possibility and things don’t always turn around soon. It can be a very long, and lonely, road.
Thank you for sharing the article. It’s so sad to read, but I also think it’s important to read.
What would have helped Madison?
I don’t know. My impression is that her parents did everything they could and much more than most parents would.
Thanks for sharing a very important issue. So often, we look for ways our children are adjusting at college, when , in actuality, they aren’t.
I’ve told my children since they were young teens, and experiencing depression and anxiety, that they can tell me anything, including whether they ever want to harm themselves. They tell me about their problems; they cry on the phone to me a lot. But do I think this means that if they really wanted to commit suicide, they’d tell me? No guarantees; we can’t get into other people’s minds unless they let us. The best we can do is be compassionate and willing to listen, and even those things might not be enough.
I can’t tell you how much this story shook me up when I first learned of it last year. My D was also a distance runner and had competed in some of the same meets as Madison. There had been an athlete suicide at my D’s university around the same time, as well as another runner D had competed against who went off to Columbia was found dead of an overdose while on a leave of absence. We often don’t see the fragility these highly successful young people are hiding.
I’m crying. This could have been my son. A lot of you know he fell mentally ill when he went to UT-Austin. He was also a recruited athlete - the track coaches at Amherst and Wash U wanted him to run for them. But he decided that running that hard, as he had in high school, was just too painful. He was VERY suicidal, but he reached out for help, once in the second semester of his freshman year, when he was hospitalized, and then again at the start of his sophomore year, when his doctor ordered him, literally, to get on the next plane home to Maine.
I can totally see why Madison’s parents reacted the way they did. You just can’t believe that your child would really want to end it all.
Kay Redfield Jamison is a counselor who has suffered from bipolar disorder for a long time. She and another mentally ill counselor made a pact: If one of them were ever to consider suicide, they would call the other immediately. They talked about it at length and swore to the agreement. Kay kept her end of the bargain, but her friend didn’t. He killed himself.
My son does feel that running as hard as he did contributed to his illness. It makes me wonder what we could have done differently. He is living in a group home now, after dropping out of school earlier this semester. He hopes to go back and complete his degree in applied math. We’ve told him there is no rush. We’re just happy he is alive.
@MaineLonghorn I am so glad your son is coping. We have dear friends who lost a daughter to suicide. They often say that things that used to worry them (that their daughter might flunk out of school, take an extra year to graduate, never graduate) are all preferable to what happened. They too wonder what they could have done differently. Sounds like you have the second chance with your son that my friends now wish for with their daughter. I am glad to see that you appreciate that.
I’m so sorry to read how some of you have children experiencing depression and other mental illness. I have a number of family members who’ve dealt with it, and when I was 20, I went through it myself. When my son went to college, I was always a bit hyper vigilant scanning the horizon for any cracks in the armor. He’s a great student and has made it through college, but there were times I stepped in and gave greater support, especially the past two brutal winters when he really seemed like it was all a bit much. I still keep my radar up tho I’ve never told him that. I was glad he chose a college just an hour away. It made it easier for my husband and I to be supportive. My thoughts and prayers for all of you.
MLH, I wish every parent could read that post. There is nothing, NOTHING more important than your loved one’s life.
I put off reading this for a long time. As many who have “known” me for a long time on here know, I have struggled with depression for over 10 years. I’ve been on and off meds the whole time. I am very fortunate that I have parents who immediately noticed that I wasn’t just going through a “moody” pre-teen phase and got me the help I needed. They probably saved my life. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard. I missed so much school in middle school that there were two semesters when I didn’t even get grades. I lost insurance in high school and couldn’t afford my meds and spiraled into a deep depression. I stopped eating and was down to less than 130lb at one point (I am 6’ tall). Luckily, I got insurance in time and I was immediately hospitalized.
I have always been open with my illness to my friends and loved ones and they know the signs to look for. More than once they’ve driven me to the hospital and didn’t take no for an answer. I am grateful. I am lucky. I know I am lucky. I am lucky that I had parents who knew the signs (my mom lost a brother to depression) and that I was young enough to still be at home when I started showing symptoms. I know that many individuals are better about hiding it and family members don’t know the signs- a massive and disgusting short coming of our health system.
I have lost at least one friend every year since I was a junior in high school to depression. It scares the crap out of me.
I’m glad you’re better, Romani.
Very important read for all parents. Quakerstate - thanks so much for posting.
Walter Cronkite’s grandson committed suicide just a few weeks ago and just weeks before graduating. Such an incredibly accomplished kid, too. I knew his dad and one of his sisters (she was a mess and had a serious drug addiction) when I lived in NYC after college.
Running helped me cope with depression during college and up until my early thirties. Getting married and having a family helped tremendously (the depression stemmed from an extreme lack of social skills that kept me from having any success dating, so when I met my wife it pretty much disappeared). Since both my wife and I have dealt with depression we have always encouraged our sons to ask for help when they need it. So far, they have.
OP, thanks so much for posting this article. It is so so sad but so very important for parents to read. I can’t even imagine what this is like for parents, siblings and friends who have lost someone.
So sad but important for all to read. You never know.
Depression can hit anybody and take many forms.Sometimes it stems from outside circumstances/events and other times from chemical brain imbalance. It doesn’t matter the cause (except for ultimate treatment)—the patient needs help in either case. Some kids/adults are great at hiding it which is actually the worst case scenario–they don’t ask for help nor is help ever offered.
Life can appear perfect from an outsider’s perspective sometimes. Treatment is delayed .Why? Because most times it’s the people surrounding the patient that drags them to therapy. If your support group isn’t dragging you to therapy then who is? The patient sometimes doesn’t KNOW they NEED treatment. Or what’s going on. They think they’'ll “get over it”,
So…if someone inside (family members, close friends) /outside (teachers, friends, counselers, employers) bring concerns to you concerning your child…take note.
The nightmare of every parent of a teen who has struggled emotionally. One thing that jumped out at me in this article is that after being talked out of what she wanted to do, which was quit track (or after talking herself out of quitting), Madison seemed to feel better. My understanding is that suicidal people can have a sudden mood turnaround once they have decided to go through with it. I’m not at all saying there is anything her parents missed - the sequence of events is just so tragic.
Reading about Peter Cronkite’s death, of which I had not been aware, equally tragic. He was a standout scholar and great person by all accounts.
Every CC parent should read this article and talk to their children about stress and depression. I never talked to my golden boy about how he felt and I deeply regret that. My son was a star even by CC standards. He had already won so many honors and scholarships. He worked hard to maintain his image until he couldn’t do that anymore. He was the most compassionate teenager I have ever encountered. I lost him in March 2014. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2692765/Mystery-gifted-teenage-musician-moved-United-States-UK-boarding-school-jumped-death-cliff-prom.html