Hi I am fourth year student and have been I a relationship with my boyfriend for four years and have been in a long distance for almost three. Distance would be around 5 hrs drive
This semester I moved in with three friends. However after course started I realized that all my courses are recorded (and I work better watching recording as I can pause and relisten at parts) so I have been travelling to my boyfriends almost every week, with a few exceptions. Basically I am at his Thursday night to Tuesday and back at my own place Tuesday to Thursday.
I am hours by flight away from my family and my boyfriends the closest that I have to family. My school is in a city I very much dislike (language, culture, safety, weather) while he’s in large metropolitan city that I absolutely adore. Furthermore I live in a very old apartment with constant toilet blocking and broken heater, while he lives in a nice apartment by himself.
The problem is that I feel like I am “breaking” or “distanting” my friendship with my roommates. We’ve been good friends to start with but I am obviously missing out lots of weekend dinners, chats or activities. They haven’t said anything but I feel very bad for leaving all the time and am afraid that they are unhappy with me and how I am never here… especially I hear them talking about me when they thought I was sleeping
I Love hanging out with my friends but after three years of long distance … I feel like I really want to be with my boyfriend as much as possible… Any help? I know I’m probably being super selfish here but I don’t know… Should I stop going as often and spend more time with my friends?
My lectures are recorded and his aren’t plus we both prefer his city very much mor (honestly I can’t wait to get out of the place). Its probably not necessary for me to see him every week but after 3 years of distance it just makes me incredibly happy to have to chance to be with him… :/. I know this sounds crazy and I am definitely over doing this too I might be alternating weekends in the future too
If you want to spend time with your roommates, why don’t you just make plans to do so? Spend a weekend at your school, and make plans with your roommates or other friends to go do something fun. Don’t feel bad about doing your own thing or obligated to spend time with them, but if they are your friends and you’d like to stay close with them, friendships do take some effort just as romantic relationships do. Surely, you can handle one weekend away from your boyfriend. It doesn’t have to be an either/or proposition.
Or if you really don’t want to spend a weekend in your city, then plan out some things to do with your roommates during the week. Maybe you all can have dinner together once per week and take turns cooking (or cook together). Maybe you all can watch a good TV show together once per week. Or you can just hang out and chat during the week.
You can spend time with both your boyfriend and your friends. You can’t spend ALL of your time with your boyfriend AND your friends since they’re in different towns, but it doesn’t sound like it’s that hard to divide time between them, especially when you have such an open schedule.
I am already doing the cooking together or chatting together when I Am here I guess it’s just the fact that I feel bad for leaving all the time… I’m still close to my roommates. It’s just this is my first time having roommates so I guess I’m feeling little paranoid! Thank you! Back two semesters ago I suffered from depression (homesick, not fitting into this city, hating college life) and being away just really cheers me up…
It is important to have relationships with your friends and your boyfriend…what if BF was abducted by aliens? Who are your friends? I would start by having one weekend a month to spend with your friends. You wouldn’t be hear asking us if you didn’t want to spend more time wth them.
There’s no need to feel bad for leaving all the time. Why would you? If you’re still close to your roommates, then why would you feel bad about it?
It sounds like you feel like it has to be all or nothing. You want to spend all of your time with your boyfriend now that you are finally able to, but you also feel like you should be spending all of your free time with your roommates and friends to maintain those relationships. It doesn’t have to be so black and white. You can spend time with all of the different people in your life. As long as you’re happy with your relationships (with your boyfriend and with your roommates) and they are happy with the relationship as well, then there’s nothing wrong with it. Don’t create problems where there aren’t any–that’ll just drive you crazy =D
I think you should just ask the roommates. I had a roommate who always had a boyfriend. I only felt used when she didn’t have one and then wanted me to change my routine and do things with her because she was suddenly free. If you plan things with your roommate, follow through. If you want to spend more time with them, schedule it. If they’d like to go into the city once in a while, invite them. Just don’t make them feel they are your choice only when you don’t have something better to do.
plus we both prefer his city very much mor (honestly I can’t wait to get out of the place). Its probably not necessary for me to see him every week but after 3 years of distance it just makes me incredibly happy to have to chance to be with him… :/. I know this sounds crazy and I am definitely over doing this too 
I guess it’s just the fact that I feel bad for leaving all the time… I’m still close to my roommates. It’s just this is my first time having roommates so I guess I’m feeling little paranoid! Thank you! Back two semesters ago I suffered from depression (homesick, not fitting into this city, hating college life) and being away just really cheers me up…