Having longterm bf come to visit

<p>during orientation we're supposed to draw up a contract b/w roommates. so far haven't talked to my roommate much except a little about stuff to bring.
neone, i'm a girl with a longterm bf about to go to college. yes, i know a lot of people say i'll forget everything and everyone except what's at college and to meet other people. however, i'm really in love and genuinely have no desire to do any of this.
that being said, me and said bf have been looking forward to me finally getting away from my strict parents. however, how do i handle explaining to roommie that bf will prolly be visiting once a week or so and we'll be needing some private time. my college is about 1.5 hrs away from him so he'll be visiting often but prolly staying over. honestly as long as we get a chance for some privacy during his visits, i'm sure we can contain our ardor if my roommate wants to sleep in her own bed as she has every right to.
so right now i'm really hoping my roommie's not very conservative and has places she would rather go on weekends than stay in our dorm and/or isn't embarassed to sleep in the room while bf is staying with me overnite (obviously not doing anything).
any suggestions- i know i can't be the only one who's had this situation and i really don't want to make my roommate feel uncomfortable or inadvertently kickher out of the room on wknds</p>

<p>Don't you have any IRL friends to discuss this with?</p>

<p>so you expect your roommate to not have any of her own friends over, and though she pays the same amount of money, you want her to leave, etc, and hope she doesn't want to have the same access to her own room as you want</p>

<p>private time, wow? rent a hotel already</p>

<p>obviouslly not doing anything...k...sure</p>

<p>It would really suck to be your roommate with those expectations :). You couldn't make me leave my room, you can find your own place to be private, half of the room is mine. If you want to deal with me being in the room while you do whatever, then that's your deal, but I wouldn't leave for your boyfriend...EVERY WEEK, lol ;).</p>

<p>Your roomie won't live in the room 24/7... she has classes during the day, places to go, people to see. Just make your "private time" when she's planning on being gone. Don't force her to leave just so you can be alone. When you meet your roomie, tell her that you have a boyfriend that lives relatively close so he plans on coming over often, then ask her how she feels about that & let her make some of the rules & regulations, like she may request that your boy sleep on the floor to guarantee no funny business.</p>

<p>A friend of mine had a roommate like you... only her roommate had no qualms about having sex while she was in the room (under the sheets, at night). My friend would then (obviously) leave, and come to my room with an inflatable mattress & crash on my floor. If I wasn't there, she'd sleep in the common room. Man, you can only imagine how ****ed she was at her roomie.</p>

<p>I don't think you're being that unreasonable... one night a week of having someone stay over isn't a big deal if you're not doing anything (and yes, citygirlsmom, it does happen. Sometimes people just like to sleep in the same bed!). As for private time, it depends how much you're talking about. If you mean an hour or two every time he visits and he'll be visiting during the week at all, the easiest way to do that would probably be to work around her class schedule and just plan for "private time" when she's in class anyway. If it's the weekends... trickier, but I still don't think it's unreasonable. Kicking someone out of the room overnight on a weekly basis would be inappropriate, but asking that someone plan on going to hang out with friends or study in the library for a couple or hours? Not exactly a big deal.</p>

<p>I would say the best way to bring it up is to just say, hey, my boyfriend lives about an hour and a half away and I'm hoping he'll be able to visit me once a week or so. Would you have a problem with him sleeping (just sleeping!) in the room? Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? We should probably exchange schedules so we'll know when we can have some privacy without disturbing eachother.</p>

<p>My friend was like you, but she was living in a quad so it was 3 people's schedules she had to coordinate so she could get alone time. Generally never fool around while your roommate is in the room (you think you won't now, but every situation is different, and it makes things really awkward), be accepting that sometimes she'll need the room too, save actual sexiling (ie, "sleep somewhere else") for special occasions like anniversaries and Valentine's Day. Also consider alternating going to his school and him coming to yours, that way it won't be as much of an imposition on your roommate. You'll want to spend some time at his school anyway, and even if you won't have a car, it's worth the drive of him picking you up and going back to school to ensure a peaceful room. Good luck!</p>

<p>"Your roomie won't live in the room 24/7... she has classes during the day, places to go, people to see. Just make your "private time" when she's planning on being gone. Don't force her to leave just so you can be alone. When you meet your roomie, tell her that you have a boyfriend that lives relatively close so he plans on coming over often, then ask her how she feels about that & let her make some of the rules & regulations, like she may request that your boy sleep on the floor to guarantee no funny business."</p>

<p>I totally agree with Pearlinthemist. This is pretty much the guidelines my BF and I followed, except that I went to stay with him (because my roomates boyfriend was over - constantly. Like, 4 or 5 nights a week. He practically lived there and eventually I had to switch rooms). We really did make ourselves scarce though - we only had "private time" when roomate was already leaving of his own accord to work or study in the library. The rest of the time we were busy hanging out with friends and only came back to the room to sleep (legitimately sleep).</p>

<p>wow thanks so much for giving me advice on how to handle this srcameron,luckycharmed, and pseudonym. i just felt so awkward about bringing this up- i was so afraid to either get preached at or seem overbearing.
i guess it makes sense for a lot of reasons to have copies of each other's schedules- my parents are really overprotective and act like i've been killed if i'm running an hour late and have this "common courtesy" idea which entails letting the people you live with (esp the rents!) know where you are, who you're meeting, when you'll be back, etc. while i see a great deal of sense in this, my parents carry it to the extreme of making me feel like i'm "paroled" every time i leave the house. i really didn't want to make my roommate feel like that- i'm sure i could pull of just seeming friendly & concerned. my own experience tho have mad me reticent to act in a way anything similar with my roommate.</p>

<p>thanks again:D</p>

<p>Just a note on phrasing, I would go about it saying: "Oh, you I have a boyfriend from HS, would it be okay if he came over every now and then?" instead of "So, my boyfriend is going to be over just about every weekend. Hope that's okay."</p>

<p>It's a nicer way to approach things.</p>

<p>Heh. I wouldn't say you have to make exchanging schedules a matter of concern--you're in college now, be honest about why you want to know when she'll be out of the room!</p>

<p>And it's also good to have a little code for your whiteboard for spontaneous moments (because routine gets old lol). (which you should put on your outside door. My girlfriend and her roommate had a deal where if someone was "busy" in the room, they would draw a bunch of little hearts in a corner of the board so the other roommate knew not to knock. Subtle, but it got the message across. Texting one another beforehand would usually be a good idea too.</p>

<p>I actually agree with DH on this one.</p>

<p>Lol, if someone left a note on my door that said..."Don't come in the room, come back in a few hours" (even in some sort of code) I would just laugh and walk in. They can deal with it, or leave, either way is fine with me. After coming back from the gym and wanting to change my clothes/shower, I'm not going to "be back in a few hours", lol. Or any other time, for that matter. </p>

<p>And if they have the nerve to have sex while I'm in the room, I'd make it as uncomfortable as possible :).</p>

<p>Aronomy, I'm guessing you haven't actually started your freshman year yet. With an attitude like that, god help you if <em>you</em> ever plan on getting laid.</p>

<p>Ah, it's always so fun to housebreak the freshmen...</p>

<p>You can make it a true but funny joke too. Me and my roommates had a big door sign that said "GETTING LUCKY $$$" on it. We'd put it up whenever we were, you know, getting lucky. Everyone else thought it was a hysterical joke because it was so obvious, we knew to make ourselves scarce for a couple of hours, or at the very least, knock.</p>

<p>I plan on going to school for education. If I want to get laid, it won't be in my rinky dink college dorm room.</p>

<p>Where will it be? The other person's rinky dink college dorm room? Outside? In the dining hall?</p>

<p>I dont know, hotel, his apartment, wait until there's somewhere more appropriate.</p>

<p>I am not being dense, but what do you need all that private time for unless you are having sex or some facscimile of...if your are just talking, take a walk, and you are in college, if you expect hours and hours of "private" time to do whatever, good luck</p>

<p>if you were my Ds roommate, I would tell her she doesn't need to sleep on a sofa in a common room when I am paying 10000plus a year for a room just so her roommate can have some "private" time</p>

<p>this is not your room, and you are coming in with this entitled attitude just because you have a BF, like you have earned the time</p>