<p>My junior son is going to be visiting colleges sometime this spring. I would really like to see them myself, but he wants his dad to go with him. (We have two other kids, one with special needs, so all of us traveling together as a family would not work very well.)</p>
<p>In your family, which parent went on the college visits? If you were the parent left behind, did you find it frustrating? How big a role does the visiting parent need to play in the planning and execution of the visit? (I am usually the one that does all the planning, while my husband and son are more "happy go lucky".)</p>
<p>I did half and H did half with S. With D, all 3 of us went together but that was more a factor of nobody else at home! I guess logistics made the choice for us but if I were you, I’d campaign to go on some of the visits.</p>
<p>I did the bulk of it , but their father took them to visit one school each. Later, he visited the schools they decided on with them. It was easier for me and I wanted to do it too.
My sister also took my daughter to a college visit ( her husband’s alma mater ) Daughter was visiting her sister in Boston and they all went together.
This weekend , my niece will be visiting her first school with her father . It was supposed to be her mother , but there is an event for her intended major and it didn’t work out with scheduling.
I think my sister is pretty disappointed .</p>
<p>For one of our kids, we split it up so we both got to see some schools. For the ones that I missed on first visit, I told them that I would do the 2nd visit (for schools narrowed down that kid wanted to see again, or on the admitted students day) before I’d concur with sending a check. </p>
<p>Frankly, if you have any doubt that your spouse will pay attention to important stuff during the tours, I’d tell your son that this is a Mom thing. Just because he wants his Dad to do tours, doesn’t mean that it’s the best thing for the family. If I were Dad, though, I’d be frustrated about being left out too.</p>
<p>You should reconsider seeing them as a family. We saw special needs family-members on several tours. Sometimes a family member would stay in the student union with the special-needs family member while the rest of the family did the tour, which worked well since they could get a good sense of the school from observation to supplement the info the rest of the family got from the tour. Sending a kid to college affects the whole family! Depending on your other kid’s special needs, you might also ask another family member to help out so that both parents can attend. I think it’s useful for a younger sibling to do the tours too, when possible. You’ll be surprised at the things he/she will remember when it’s time for them to apply themselves.</p>
<p>Husband and I split up the visits. When decision time was approaching, son went for a second visit to his top two choices, one being an overnight. This allowed the other parent to see both schools. We each enjoyed out “alone” time with son on these trips.</p>
<p>H took S1 to visit his first choice school a couple of years ago. This worked best for us, as the trip involved a 2800 mile plane flight/rental car and only one parent could go at the time. My husband went because he was the one who had to be “sold” on the school. I ended up being the parent to go with him for freshmen move-in and orientation. The other school was visited by myself and S1; less of an issue because I knew S1 wouldn’t be going there but I wanted to visit St. Louis. For both trips I did all of the travel planning.</p>
<p>S2 is looking closer to home and H & I will likely split up the trips based on work schedule. At this point, I have less flexibility with my job and H is self-employed. S2 is not looking at any obscure schools, so I’m comfortable with whatever he chooses.</p>
<p>Dad went on the trips because Dad is better at travel than Mom. Mom should have gone because she cares about the “atmosphere” more than Dad and Son. </p>
<p>On a separate point, Parents can play a big role if they know what to do, and the kids don’t. Even basic things like arranging meetings, finding out when tours are, etc. When you are visiting multiple colleges across multiple states, someone has to figure out what schedule is doable (trains, planes, automobiles, hotels, etc.).</p>
<p>In April, will be final visits to chose a college. Mom will probably come along this time (fewer schools, shorter trip, etc.).</p>
<p>I did about 30% of it and my husband did 70%. We each made our own flight, hotel, car reservations. My daughter had done a lot of work researching the schools and ended up only dropping one from consideration.</p>
<p>My husband had not had the opportunity to do college visits before he went to college. He had so much fun doing this with her and seeing how colleges can have different personalities. They would call me each night and each gave me their impression of the college. They picked up on different things so it was a good team.</p>
<p>Strange…my post just disappeared!!! Anyway we did all school visits together…two different views and opinions and it was great to give input. I thought it enlightning to hear H’s views and then relating them to what D2 was looking for.</p>
<p>Try as hard as I could, I didn’t end up going on many campus visits with my son. My wife made most of the trips, although there were 3 or 4 (out of a dozen) that both wife & I went to. As the left-behind parent I didn’t feel frustrated or left out of the process since I planned many of the visits. Something always seemed to crop up at work and I couldn’t go. With my daughter, now a HS junior, I have made more campus visits. Everyone concerned has now been on enough visits to know to ask the right questions and see the right things, so I have a lot of confidence that my daughter will have good visit regardless of who accompanies her. I am in the early stages of planning a spring break trip that I know I will not be able to go on.</p>
<p>My ex and I did a spring break trip with D last year to visit 5 schools, then just D & I visited 2 more alone over the summer. Whether we were all together or not, I printed out a master list of questions for each college that her college counselor provided so that all schools were evaluated the same way regardless of who went and who didn’t. This was amazingly helpful</p>
<p>We split up the visits in some cases, and where all together for other schools. I think it helps to have the first school be both of you, so there’s some reference point when talking about the other schools when only one attends. Use a standard checklist (brief but helpful) and have the child capture the pertinent information after each visit to share with the parent who isn’t there.
The siblings will probably want to get in the act as well. Make sure you bring home some brochures from each school to share with the rest of the family. My younger daughter nixed any school my older son was considering if she thought the school colors didn’t look good on her!</p>
<p>H did the first round of visits with D, as I have been known to be somewhat, um…opinionated ;), and H is more laid back: I wanted it to be her process and not mine. She also did some visits on her own, since the schools were easily accessible by train and she had older friends on campus she could stay with.</p>
<p>This time around, H and S just did a trip while I stayed home. I did do much of the planning and organizing, since I’m much better at that than H. And it was nice to have a few days to myself! But over spring break I think we’re all going to do the visits together, since S actually seems to want my input.</p>
<p>My husband came to all the colleges for D1 and D2 so far. He’s a great driver and I absolutely hate it, so in our family if we can’t both go for some reason, he goes. I went to about 40% and I’ve found hubby’s observations to be very valuable. Daughter and I chat and giggle and (to be honest) snark a bit, whereas Dad is serious.</p>
<p>I did the northern trip. Husband did the southern trip. Son would have preferred that I do them all, but one week I had to take Daughter out of state for a dance competition, so I thought that would be a good week for them to do visits. </p>
<p>I actually think Husband is better at it than I am because he is a lot nosier than me. At a couple of the schools they were told that because it was summer, no faculty member was available to talk to them. Husband would take Son to the building where his major was located and wander around until they found a faculty-type person; they got a lot of info that way.</p>
<p>On the second visits to the top schools, the parent who didn’t do the first visit is doing the second visits.</p>
<p>I went on all the trips. I have a much more flexible job and work far fewer hours. Dh had a harder time understanding why CMU won out over Harvard, though looking at the course catalog got him 90% convinced. He really got it though when he finally saw CMU in the fall and heard the School of Computer Science presentation to the parents.</p>
<p>My then 8th grader went on several of the college trips. He was a trooper. He said it was boring, but he still remembers what he liked about Caltech and what he hated about Stanford. Neither of those two schools will be on his list, but I do feel I have a somewhat better handle on what he’s looking for, from what he says about those schools.</p>
<p>Neither I nor my kids are good about talking to random students or professors - my husband would likely be better at that.</p>
<p>I did the visit trip with my son–there was some controversy about this in the family, because my wife thought the whole family should go–but I thought it wasn’t a good idea to bring our 9th-grade daughter, who didn’t want to go at all. In retrospect, I think we made the right choice…the younger child would have been bored, and there would have been a lot more stress.</p>
<p>I did most of the trips with both of my kids for the same reasons as mathmom. My job is much more flexible and besides, I love doing them! My husband did a couple of the accepted students visits and our kids each did one or two schools on their own. Actually, son did three schools on his own, but one was his sisters College (and she was attending at the time) so no need for us to go. I think it just depends on what works for the family. We did one college visit where all three of my kids went (but not husband) and we it was like a mini-vacation.</p>
<p>mathmom, my kids won’t talk to random students, and it’s not the most comfortable for me eitherbut I certainly see the value in it. Two schools S and I visited last fall had “lunch with a student” option which we really liked and found very helpful to get a better feel for the students there. I was surprised how very different the two groups of students felt to us.</p>
<p>missypie, I like the idea of wandering around the major’s building until you find someone to talk to. We will definitely try that next time.</p>
<p>I have done almost all of the college visits with my kids. With D I did all of them alone, except for the 3rd visit to the school she ended up at, when H and S came along. She and I had some real adventures (driving the freeway in Brooklyn and dodging the car-eating pot holes was exciting. I just kept thinking – “wow… I’m glad this isn’t my car” (we flew out and then rented a car). I also hope to <em>never</em> drive in Philadelphia ever again!
H did come along last summer when we visited a few schools for S, but I wouldn’t feel confident if he went alone with S. He just doesn’t ask all the questions I would. And I get a feel for places much more than he does. I think I can feel if my kids would fit a place even before they can.</p>
<p>For S#1, DH and I both made the trips, since we had the luxury of grandparents babysitting much younger siblings. I feel that I should be making all of the trips since DH is somewhat clueless about this stuff, you know, always checking his PDA rather than listening to presentations or paying attention in general. :rolleyes: I’m just a much more detail oriented person when it comes to these visits. </p>
<p>For S#'s 2 &3 (twins) I recently took them on a plane trip to see one school but the bulk of the rest of the trips will be driving. Right now, I am scheduled to solo with the S’s, but DH wants to come if work will permit.</p>
