"Voluntary" withdrawal from HS under duress

Parents Forum
1

<p>I thought I would focus on a slightly different angle in this thread.</p>

<p>We have about 48 hours to get our ducks in a row prior to meeting with the school, and I'm trying to understand several different things simultaneously.</p>

<p>D. looks to have been found guilty of a very serious rules infraction at her private HS - 1 wk before graduation. Serious enough (failed drug test) at this particular school to warrant mandatory expulsion. You can look at my other thread if you want to explore all of that: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=510533&referrerid=170669%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=510533&referrerid=170669&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Question: how might a "voluntary" withdrawal just prior to graduation be percieved by a college? Surely it would require an explanation? Is it better than being expelled?</p>

<p>She has an acceptance at a very good school, and substantial merit aid at stake. If she loses the scholarship, she will not be able to attend this college. After paying for private school, we've got "state money" left for college, and she is looking at some type of limbo while she reapplies, etc etc.</p>

2

<p>I know of a few kids to voluntary withdraw from my daughter's private school after being caught cheating on a test. It was negotiated after they were to be expelled from her school. They ended up going to different private schools for a year. In your daughter's case it wouldn't really work because she is only a few weeks away from graduation. What would be her reason for voluntary withdrawal? </p>

<p>I would try to negotiate with the school to be suspended for the remainder of the year (it would show the school is very serious about drug violation) and maybe not even allow her to go to the graduation, but allow her to get her diploma and not reported it to the college. I would just plead like crazy, owe up to your responsibility, and promise to get her some treatment this summer.</p>

3

<p>If you were able to pull this off, I would strongly suggest for you to keep your daughter at a very short leash when she starts college. I think everyone is trying to be very non-judgemental on the other thread, but at the end of the day yuu, and your daughter got yourself into this position. As much as I feel bad for you, you have a big issue than just getting your daughter out of this predictment.</p>

4

<p>Hi BayAreaDad,</p>

<p>I just read through the first thread, and I really think that you need to talk with a lawyer right now, this weekend, before you meet with the school officials on Monday. Family law attorneys are used to emergencies involving kids. You need someone who knows the law very well, but who also has excellent negotiation skills. (If the school is even slightly in the wrong from a legal perspective, it's going to give you a lot more leaway in terms of negotiating a better outcome for your D.) You cannot get your ducks in a row if you don't know the law or all of the relevant facts, and how all this applies to your daugher's situation.</p>

<p>Is your daughter under 18, and if so, did you actually consent to drug testing? How can any insitution, private or public, perform a medical test on a child without parental consent? If she is 18, did she consent? Did she sign a consent form? Is there any allegation that she used drugs on campus or at a school function? Isn't drug use and drug testing medical, and as such, isn't there some sort of law requiring confidentiality? If your daughter is 18, and the school told you that she was using drugs following a drug test, were they violating her confidentiality? Has any other student who had a positive drug test been allowed to remain in school? </p>

<p>I am hoping that the school was either somehow in violation of the law or its own policies in testing your D, or has implemented its expulsion policy inconsistenty and can be shown to be somehow targeting your D. I mean, what could possibly justify testing her one week before graduation? Who made the decision to test your daughter specifically and does your daughter have some history with that person? Exactly how was the decision to test her arrived at -- are there some written records or criteria? Did they test anyone else? Are there some students with a record similar to your daughter's that they didn't test? Are there any legal medications or over-the-counter remedies or even foods that can result in a false positive on the drug test that was given to your daughter? What is the error rate for this particular test? Did your daughter admit that she had used the drug in question to school officials? Are the kids they tested at the same time all girls, or all members of the same ethnic group, or were they singled out in some way that is legally impermissible? </p>

<p>If the school was concerned that D had a substance abuse problem, shouldn't they have called in the parents and tried to get her medical or psychological help way before, say, the last week of school? Do they have a written policy about the steps that they take when they identify a student as having emotional problems as manifest in substance abuse? Did they follow those steps for your daughter?</p>

<p>Please, please get legal help. I'm not clear if a juvenile criminal lawyer is what you need, or if a good family law attorney who has dealt with private school issues before would suffice. If you have a friend who is a lawyer in your area, this is the moment to call him/her up and find out who they know and network until you find the perfect referral. If you can't meet with them over the weekend, go with first thing Monday morning, and postpone your meeting with school officials until the afternoon. The fact that the school didn't come to you and work with you to help your daughter if they suspected she had a substance abuse problem, but instead tested her just before graduation with (presumably anticipated) disasterous results for her vis a vis graduation and college, would lead me to believe that this school does not have your D's best interests at heart. Let's hope that a good lawyer can find that somewhere in this chain of events, the school screwed up legally, or the test is sometimes unreliable, and can make this go away, while you quietly evaluate your daughter's needs and get her whatever treatment is appropriate.</p>

<p>I agree with other posters that a substance abuse problem in a teenager is extremely serious and cannot be taken lightly. What I don't think is that being unable to complete high school or attend college is the appropriate consequence. If the school suspected that this student had such a serious problem, they failed her when they didn't bring in her parents, or talk with her, or send her to the school counselor, or demand that as a condition of staying in school she receive treatment, to address the problem constructively; instead, they chose the grandstanding drama of testing her at the moment when it had the greatest liklihood of derailing her life. Unless they caught her dealing in the parking lot the week before graduation, their timing is flawed, and makes their motives suspect.</p>

5

<p>Several students at a private school here committed a "mandatory expulsion" act 2 weeks before graduation 2 years ago. Several had scholarships to very good colleges. The students were caught cheating on an exam. After meeting with parents (and I think a couple of attorneys), the school decided not to expel or suspend anyone. Their exams grades were zero, and the students were not allowed to participate in any end of year activities, including graduation, but diplomas were awarded and the colleges were not notified. Everyone in the school knew about it and the general feeling was the high school did not want the colleges to look unfavorably on the high school in coming years.</p>

6

<p>Voluntary withdrawal from school is an option many kids in private schools take after a transgression. In the case of a kid at my son's school, though he withdrew a month prior to the end of the first semester, he was permitted to take exams under individual proctor and get his grades for the term though he no longer went to class. My son got a diploma and a final transcript with straight passes for the year since his last quarter grades, even if they were straight F's would not result in failing any courses for the year. Only the final grades go to colleges, and it is not unusual for a senior to have straight P's as enough kids do internships or other things that may not result in a year grade. </p>

<p>The problem you will have is that most private schools are not going to stay mum or permit you to stay mum about the transgression. They enjoy relationships with adcoms and colleges that they prize above all, and will not endanger them by not insisting on a statement regarding the circumstances of withdrawal. However, they are usually very, very proactive about not killling the kid's chances at college. Talk to the college counselor. He will tell you that your D is not the first on to get into trouble before graduation, and he can tell you what happens, and what has to be done. In these types of schools everyone is already going to be aware of the situation, so don't even think that he does not know. In our case the college counselor was our best friend through the ordeal. His job is to get your child to college the best way possible, and through he will not lie or hide the situation, he will know how to position it. Believe me, he will have had experience.</p>

7

<p>From what we know at this point, I don't see an advantage to a voluntary withdrawal. You still have to explain it. That doesn't help her get to college.
If the school would allow a medical withdrawal (just thinking out loud here) with a year deferral, that could be an option......</p>

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<p>I agree with Nester that you should engage an attorney ASAP. I think the drug test will stand up without your consent though - it's probably in the private school's student handbook that they can drug test whenever they want, and by enrolling you've agreed to this. I know several kids who have voluntarily withdrawn from my kids' private school in anticipation of expulsion: it's probably a better result and the private school is likely to work with you to permit it. The bigger question is whether your school's policy is to disclose serious transgressions in the senior year to colleges - I know my kids' private school does do this (and warns parents in the beginning of the year that this is the case).</p>

<p>I would read the school's student handbook (if there is such a thing - maybe on the school website?) very carefully. I think at some private schools there is a one time out for positive drug testing if you agree to enroll in treatment (not my kids' school - it is a very harsh one strike and you are out).</p>

9

<p>MOWC has an interesting idea. Medical withdrawal followed by a year of community service, treatment, and whatever else. She can explain to the college that she would like to defer for a year in order to get treatment for a substance abuse problem before she begins college. This shouldn't endanger her acceptance or scholarship, and it shows real maturity. This is also a move that her high school (and teachers, whom you may need in your court if it comes to further college recommendations) can endorse, and voluntary withdrawal would make sense. It also may be a good decision for your daughter in the long run. (I haven't read the other thread, so I don't know whether we're talking about a coke addiction or experimenting with pot.)</p>

<p>My small, private high school usually had a couple of expulsions a year for drugs. Most of these students were given the option to withdraw before being officially expelled. I've never seen it happen so close to the end of the year, though. In every other case I've seen students have been able to transfer to another school.</p>

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<p>I have known students facing disciplinary charges to voluntarily w/d so that they get a "clean" transcript - - one that does not indicate expulsion. Unfortunately, to w/d at the end of senior year would be a definite red flag, prompting inquiry from the college. </p>

<p>MOWC - - hats off to you!! That's a very creative solution.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

11

<p>I know one young man who was kicked out of school shortly before graduation.
However very different scenario.
Private school so they can kick you out for pretty much whatever they want.
he had an attitude problem- he was very intelligent ( but not as much as he thought he was) & he kept flipping the teachers <em>&^</em>. They told him, ONE more example and he was out- and he said " OK- &^%$"</p>

<p>However- he had already met STATE graduation requirements- and his family was very involved with the school & he really was a good kid ( as I am sure your D is) and the school wanted to work with the family. So he was allowed to participate in graduation- he received a state diploma instead of one through the school and it doesn't seem to have affected his career.</p>

<p>It just seems to me that if a student has gone this long- with a good record- that there should be some way to reach an equitable solution.
Perhaps community service ?</p>

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<p>If your D has an ongoing drug/alcohol problem- then the thing to do ( IMO) is get a state diploma- defer to colleges- get treatment.</p>

<p>But if you feel comfortable that the only incidents were very minor-and very few, then I wouldn't say that getting treatment would be appropriate, but I think that community service working at a shelter or similar may give her a picture of the other side of alcohol/drug use ( and no I am not saying that all homeless people were/are drug addicts)</p>

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<p>I think MOWC's solution is a great one. As bad as this is, it is not in the same league of awful is having her get to college and harm herself with a substance because she either does have a problem or has learned that she is invincile.</p>

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<p>BADad, I think the message is clear here: turn this situation over to a lawyer, as your advocate and negotiator. If you can't accomplish this in 48 hours (or maybe 24 by now) then delay until your position is absolute firm.</p>

<p>As I mentioned in your other thread disciplinary action including expulsions were fairly routine at my son's private international school and since the school/ the job/ the company/the expat status were all interwoven corporate lawyers were often the lead negotiators. The outcomes were various and thinking back I can't think of any case in which the child and the family were ultimately treated unfairly. </p>

<p>The key was always in the history -- isolated event or culmination of a series.</p>

<p>Withdrawal was usually the wording of choice. This allowed the student to continue his/her highschool education without official stigma, but I don't know of any kids who withdrew at the 11th hour before graduation.</p>

<p>I'm not in favor of drug testing. I consider in invasive and never random and impartial, but it's too late now to debate the ethics. </p>

<p>Move forward with good legal advice!</p>

15

<p>If you hire a lawyer, I suggest that you consider having your daughter pay you back for the legal fees over time (as a consequence of her behavior). One of my friends did this with her daughter, who was caught (in college) with a bunch of other underage drinkers. She would have had a police record and this could have prevented her from entering certain careers (teaching etc). They hired a lawyer who got the case dismissed..... but they let their daughter know that, as a consequence, she had to pay them back over time. Some of those hard earned summer $$ had to go to repay Mom & Dad. The daughter could hardly believe that she would really be expected to do it, but it really brought the consequences home... I thought it was a great idea!</p>

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<p>I actually think that it will be called a "withdrawal" now that I think about it and consider what other students at this school have gone through.</p>

<p>MOWC - that is actually the direction that we were trying to steer her in on Friday night. Look the school in the eye, figuratively speaking, say "I've got this problem, and here's what I'm going to do about it".</p>

<p>That is, in my opinion, the only way to both humbly and gracefully deal with a situation like this. </p>

<p>But for that to really work, she has to sign on 100% to the idea that it's a medical problem. (or at least be open to that possibility) I think she's kinda-sorta willing to do that -- we're still working through that.</p>

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<p>Why are people suggesting getting a lawyer involved? If the school has a written policy, no lawyer can do anything. If you show up with a lawyer, you might provoke her counselor even further. Instead of being sympathetic, they'd go all out and make sure they follow the policy 100% to prevent any type of law suit. Deal with the problem at hands, which is your daughter and substance-abused problem.</p>

18

<p>One loophole that occurred to me is that if you signed the contract at the beginning of the year - and subsequently she turned 18, did she sign at that point? That is, she is no longer a minor and you cannot sign on her behalf. And anything she signed before 18 is no longer valid. </p>

<p>Having said this, I do think that the right thing to do is for her to say goes something like this:</p>

<p>"I have a problem and I am seeking help for that problem. Mr. Headmaster, I ask you for understanding and forgiveness. I know what I have done is wrong and I will work to ensure that it never happens again. At the same time, is loss of my scholarship, admissions, and the probable life long impact of this expulsion really a just punishment for my offense?"</p>

<p>Hope that all ends well - especially in the long term and she is able to deal with her problem successfully.</p>

19

<p>Probably no loop-hole re:contracts, the parents sign promising that the child will abide by the school rules). Also, if this is not a first offense, the school may have required the family to sign a special agreement (in addit to the enrollment contract) regarding drug testing and conseq for a postive test. And if you challenge the process as unfair, what incentive does the school have to settle with the parents.</p>

<p>I think acknowledging the problem is essential - - and the "too-harsh"/ "never-again" arguments undermine the purported acceptance of responsibilit, . especially for a second (third?) offense. Also, of what value is a promise of "I never do it again" from a kid who'll be out of the school in a few weeks. </p>

<p>Remember that the school will be concerned about its rep with the college (don't want to sour that relationship for all the other students). Imagine what would happen if OP's daughter engaged in similar conduct at college and the college somehow learned of these earlier offenses - - the high school's rep would go in the toilet. </p>

<p>BADad, try to craft a settlement that spares your D as much as possible, but shows that the school took the matter seriously.</p>

<p>Good luck (you can PM me, if you like).</p>

20

<p>Just a thought, but maybe there is one more thing to remember for this conversation. Expulsion is actually not only about punishing your daughter.The policy is probaly more about creating a drug-free environment for other kids. A kid on drugs is viewed as someone who is likely to introduce other kids to drugs. So they want your daughter as far from the school building as possible. But they may not want to ruin your daughter's life. Maybe it is worth of looking at solutions you plan tosuggest from this angle.</p>