Help! What do we do now?? (withdrawal)

<p>My freshman has worked very hard throughout high school to get into a good college, which she did and started a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, a lot of issues lead to panic attacks and emotional problems, stress and a bad case of tonsillitis which brought her to withdraw from the school already. It was an emotional decision spurred on by the fact that we would get half tuition back if she withdrew by last week as opposed to only 10% by this week. I, as her parent, have mixed feelings about the whole thing but she made the final decision and must now live with it. But since we didn't think this through enough we have a lot of questions and I don't know where to turn and am looking for help from all the experienced, knowledgeable folk here! With that:</p>

<p>-She was accepted to other universities, one where she could live at home and another just 1.5 hrs away, but just because she was accepted for Fall would she still be eligible for Spring 2014? If not, does that mean she would need to reapply for Fall 2014 in the same manner as she did last year when she was a HS Senior? </p>

<ul>
<li>How will this withdrawal affect her financial aid in the future? She withdrew before showing record of enrollment if that makes any difference? </li>
</ul>

<p>-Would it be a better route to go to a junior college and transfer after two years?</p>

<p>-Would she still receive credit for her AP/IB courses where she scored well on her tests?</p>

<p>-Where can we go for "official" help? </p>

<p>Any answers and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.</p>

<p>The best place to go for advice is the colleges she plans on attending. Each will have a different policy regarding whether she will be accepted or not. </p>

<p>As far as AP/IB courses this depends on the college. It may be in her benefit to see which college accepts the most. </p>

<p>Have the issues been solved or is she receiving help? </p>

<p>I wish you the best of luck.</p>

<p>A lot of this depends on your daughter and the schools she wants to attend.</p>

<p>First of all, does she want to transfer closer to home, or does she just need a semester or a year off before returning to her original college? You may be able to contact her original college and see what the options are for her trying again in the spring or fall of 2014.</p>

<p>If she really does want to transfer closer to home:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>For some she might be; others may want to see her reapply. This is going to depend on each individual school, so I would contact them.</p></li>
<li><p>At many schools she will be treated like a first-time freshman applicant since she has fewer than 30 credits/one year; at some schools she may be treated like a transfer student - or some in-between stage - because she attended college, even for a few weeks. I do think the schools in the second group will be far fewer than the schools in the first group. Again, this will be a very individual thing.</p></li>
<li><p>This depends entirely on your family’s finances and your daughter’s wishes and health. Not necessarily.</p></li>
<li><p>Probably, but this will depend on the individual school.</p></li>
<li><p>Each individual school’s admissions office.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>I hope your daughter is feeling better. I think I would wait a week or so before making any decisions. If this were my child, I would want to do the best I could to get her some help to deal with the panic attacks. They can be very frightening when they occur. I would hat to have her go off to another college with this issue unresolved. Plus, I’m guessing that your daughter will better be able to be part of this decision making if she is feeling better.</p>

<p>As noted above, each college will,have their own process!</p>

<p>My S knew he wanted to transfer a few days after he started. He wanted to attend the other university that had accepted him. He contacted a transfer counselor at the second school a week into the fall semester. </p>

<ol>
<li><p>The transfer counselor was able to pull his original application and reactivate it. The only thing he had to supply at that time was his final HS transcript, and I think he had to do a short essay. She was also able to tell him which of his courses would transfer. Two did not. We asked if he left his first school right then, could he be considered a first time freshman. She said no, something about since he was enrolled and started the fall semester, he was now a transfer student. So we agreed he would finish the fall semester where he was. Other colleges may handle this differently.</p></li>
<li><p>It did not affect his FA. He actually was offered more merit as a transfer student than he was as a freshman. I know this is not usually the case. Your D has a record of enrollment now, though.</p></li>
<li><p>Maybe - depends on your D.</p></li>
<li><p>Probably - but check with the schools she is interested in.</p></li>
<li><p>Go directly to the schools she is considering. You can start with regular undergrad admissions who will probably tell you to contact transfer admissions. This happens more often than you may think.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>S1 withdrew from college during his senior year, and I know this is very stressful on everyone since there is so little direction now! Hang in there. My advice, fwiw:</p>

<p>She needs a medical/psychologist evaluation. In the worry about her academic status, don’t overlook the cause – she has medical/neuro issues sufficient to withdraw. Perhaps time and therapy alone will assist her, perhaps she needs something else. Medical professions are the ones to help you there. Moving to another school will not help;our issues travel with us. </p>

<p>Have her sit out the entire term and address her health. Volunteering or a dumb job will give her day structure and meaning without pushing her stress buttons. I would not rush to pick another school. She may well decide to return to her first one. She may take further time. Do not fall into the trap of an arbitrary timeline – keep it open ended, but with an eventual goal.</p>

<p>Lastly, do not hang your head, or allow her to hang hers. People will ask questions and decide on an answer that is both truthful and private. Why? Because she needs to feel okay with herself and her decisions. So there’s no need to hide – say “she came home and is re-evaluating, and we support that” No boomerang jokes, or eye rolling!!!</p>

<p>Best of luck. S1 graduated, moved out, and has a full time job in his field. (I admit, I still am giddy about all that!)</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>I agree…if panic attacks/anxiety are affecting her ability to deal with every day life, get some counseling. Then slow down and figure out what is best for her (and not just what yOU think is best for her.)</p>

<p>OP, a LOT of students have had to withdraw for similar reasons, my son included. You are getting great advice here. My main advice is to remember it’s not a race to graduate. You want your daughter to get better. Look at her education as a marathon, not a sprint. If she needs to take a break for awhile, and/or take a light course load, don’t stress out about it! My son, now 21, was diagnosed with a mental illness almost three years ago, and looking back, we should have slowed things down immediately instead of letting him proceed as if nothing was “off.” He had to withdraw from classes a SECOND time this past spring, so I think we’ve finally gotten the message. This semester, he is taking only three classes, and at the first sign of overstress we will ask him to drop one or more.</p>

<p>I know it’s hard to take things slowly, especially when your child is bright and capable! But it’s critical that you do. Good luck!!</p>

<p>I had a friend whose son went to Cornell. After a semester he wasn’t able to keep up/deal with it all and he came home. He started out going to a local college and living at home. As that was successful, he has now started living on campus.</p>

<p>First - thanks for all of your great advice. We don’t know anyone who has gone through this personally and it’s helpful to hear others’ experiences. My daughter has been in counseling throughout the last year and a half of high school for the panic attacks as well as anxiety and other issues. She’s had a really great past 5-6 months and we thought she was past it (although that little voice in me worried that it could still occur) and the college seemed very friendly, a great orientation and it seemed a good fit. Then several things went ‘wrong’ or not the way she’d expected, stress built up etc etc. </p>

<p>I think it’s best that she re-evaluates what she wants out of school including her major and goes back to therapy. Thank you for pointing out that it’s not a race to finish college, Maine Longhorn and greenbutton - I guess she needs to see that it’s her life and she needs to do what’s best for her and not try to keep up with her friends or what other family members may want. It’s hard to gain perspective when you feel you’re in a mess!</p>

<p>

  • love this, greenbutton - thank you.</p>

<p>I guess we’ll have to contact the schools that she may be interested in still and see how this could work. I’m a single parent without a lot of financial resources, so the FA is extra important to us and partially why we’re considering a JC (though it’s hard after working so hard in HS!) Not sure if it would be easier to transfer from a JC or to try to transfer in the Spring or maybe Fall '14? There is so much counseling during high school (and still not enough IMO) on how to get IN to college and not a lot of resources about what to do when things go wrong, so I’m grateful for all your input and well wishes - thanks again!</p>

<p>I PM’ed you.</p>

<p>Has she been to a clinic that specializes in panic and anxiety? (There is a good one at BU that uses an antibiotic that preserves memory of NOT experiencing panic after a trigger: part of panic is panicking that panic will recur.) Was her anxiety triggered by leaving home?</p>

<p>Medications can help too, hopefully more as needed than steady level all the time. Tapping, EFT, Reiki, EMDR, hypnosis, other alternative methods can help too.</p>

<p>If she does go back, take medical documentation from her psychiatrist, MD, and/or therapist and register with the disabilities office. There are plenty of kids graduating, even from Ivy League schools, with big time anxiety/panic issues but they get a lot of support and some accomodations that make things easier.</p>

<p>Get tuition refund insurance so the pressure to withdraw isn’t so great. It is possible she may have been able to stay with proper support.</p>

<p>Finally, there are all kinds of ways and timetables for doing college and for other paths too. Every individual has his or her own.</p>

<p>A lot of us have gone through this with our kids and can say they came out of it in a better place. Don’t scramble too much to arrange the future: let things happen for a bit, though getting help for the anxiety and panic is a priority.</p>

<p>Has she been checked medically, for Lyme, thyroid or adrenal issues, allergies etc? </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>Don’t second guess yourself. Mental health is EVERYTHING and nobody gets to think this stuff through in an emergency. You did the right thing and it will get better as soon as she gets her panic attacks under control. Focus on getting her well, and then start looking at her academic future, in that order.</p>