<p>At Pomona’s info session a few weeks ago, the admissions guy said 80% of the students change their majors; that may be higher than normal, but still, I think the majority do. For a junior to decide on a major now may just be a way for him to imagine himself as a grownup, to get over the hump between who he is now, and what he thinks he might become–while he might be narrowing his focus a little prematurely, it may be good for him to “get that settled,” so he can go back to figuring out how to get through this year.</p>
<p>It’s helpful to remember that a lot of this stress is self-imposed. My DD was complaining about the essays, SAT IIs, etc., and I told her that all of this was a choice. She could simply decide to apply early to the affordable state flagship (where she will certainly get in and which offers all the programs she could possibly want) and be done with it. Problem solved. No stress.</p>
<p>20+ years ago, good students applied to 2-3 schools and happily went to in-state publics. It was assumed that they would get a respectable and serviceable education. That’s still true, actually, but now people are tortured by their higher expectations.</p>
<p>About the stress of this college application/admissions process,
These days it IS stressful for a million reasons that we cannot change:
- way too many kids applying for way too few spots at the top schools, which is what we ALL hear about even if that is not exactly what we are doing
- lots of awareness and info-sharing can be helpful, but make the process a game of one-upmanship or add to the stress
- rankings make college acceptances and attendance a system of prestige
- I could go on and on</p>
<p>I HATE it and do NOT think it is healthy.
HOWEVER, I do want to point out that the “real world” has also changed A LOT, too.
Our dear children will have to think and compete globally, will have to constantly refresh their training, keep current, get new jobs or positions, work very hard and efficiently, figure it out, etc. etc., dare I say, even in a GOOD economy.</p>
<p>Many of us old-timers can remember that going to college, working, then going to grad school then working hard were really enough to keep you good for a very long time. Not so anymore. Things change so quickly. New skill-sets. New technologies. Obsolescence of job-types. </p>
<p>So, I do try to remember that my kids are learning some valuable lessons during this college process (if they come out alive at the other end LOL):
how to manage stress
how to sell themselves
how to find their passions and their fits
how to focus on what they need to know and screen out the extraneous
how to make balanced decisions (money, time, dreams, interests, people)
how to manage their time
how to handle rejection
how to handle uncertainty
how to be resilient
how to stay optimistic yet realistic
how to set priorities
how to write up a resume
how to do an interview
how to communicate with evaluators
how to organize a multifaceted process</p>
<p>In a way, learning all this is very stressful, too. But it is better than just being stressed!! </p>
<p>Good luck to all parents and all applicants. May this be a journey with many dividends in addition to challenges!</p>
<p>My D set extremely high expectations for herself as a junior and senior in high school. There was absolutely no pressure from me or my husband. I think it was coming from her peers. She suffered greatly from anxiety and would become physically sick as a result. Then she became clinically depressed. She responded well to therapy and medication during her senior year. She is now a freshman at a local state college. All seems well so far, but there hasn’t been any academic pressure so far. We are hoping that she will not relapse.</p>
<p>No, I was not stressed when I graduated from high school in 1975. The entire college application process is insanity in my opinion.</p>
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<p>Maybe we can’t change it for society in general, but we can sure alleviate a lot of the stress on our own kids, by stressing that we don’t care how prestigious or highly ranked a college they get into - and by encouraging them to approach the college application process not as a game in which there are winners and losers but rather as an adventure in which everyone can win.</p>
<p>I agree the process has become very stressful for our kids and parents as well. I applied to one school in 1976, got in and went there.</p>
<p>I wonder if instead of letting kids apply to 20 schools, the common app limited it so students could only apply to 10 or less. Get people into the mindset to apply to 2 reaches, 2 safeties and 3 targets. Focus and tone the system down.</p>
<p>^^You can do that as a parent. We certainly set application limit expectations with our kids. They all started with a “list” of 15-20 schools and managed to apply to less than 10 after some research. Much of this angst is self induced. It’s understandable somewhat with the kids as much of the angst driven kids clearly are insecure and are looking for reassurance or affirmation. The parents, I’m not sure…perhaps they are using their kids’ college acceptances as affirmation of their “job” as parents. Regardless it’s all somewhat silly. </p>
<p>Fortunately the economy has notched it down alittle as kids can only go places they can afford and colleges are getting tighter and tighter with the tuition discounting. There is starting to be more transparency about what colleges actually cost. The birthrate curve which peaked a year or so ago will help. Things like eliminating score choice should dampen the “enthusiasm” for testing and retesting and testing again. It’s simply not a sustainable business model for schools, parents or kids and I feel like it’s pointing in a better direction than in 2005 when we started the process with #1 who is now graduated and slogging through his early career along with the hoards.</p>
<p>"20+ years ago, good students applied to 2-3 schools and happily went to in-state publics. It was assumed that they would get a respectable and serviceable education. That’s still true, actually, but now people are tortured by their higher expectations. "</p>
<p>-A I have mentioned, there were no stress in our family and kids got UG education at state schools that far exceeded our expectations and brought results higher than their goals. Ranking is only come to the picture if you let it. We have never checked rankings, so they were not part of decision making. If you decided to stress, you will stress, if you decided not to, this decision will lead you to very enjoyable and happy experiences which also could be a great learning experience all by itself. D’s UG application experience has definitely helped her whole lot in her Medical School application process and resulted in great choices. Both times all standardized tests were taking once, no games, straight forward approach sticking to your own criteria while taking input from others only if this criteria is satisfied.</p>
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<p>Which, of course, explains why so many people switch their majors…most people I talked to while going through the admissions process have switched. Most of my fellow freshmen don’t yet know what they want to major in, much less do. The majority of the upperclassmen I know have switched their majors at some point.</p>
<p>It’s very much the case that most people don’t know what they want to do in their junior year of high school, and still don’t know by their freshman year of college.</p>
<p>Is there anything wrong with that? No. People in high school today will be working many, many different jobs. Flexibility is essential to success now.</p>
<p>"If his HS classes at the private school prepare you better (than the public HS) for college, he will fare better than he would have simply jumping ship just to look better by comparison in a larger pool of people. "</p>
<p>Sadly, this statement seems logical but in the high pressured atmosphere our kids are applying to schools these days, it simply puts a child at a disadvantage. I know many will jump down my throat for this one but don’t. I’ve been there, done that. Our oldest is in her second year at a highly competitive university but getting there was no easy ride. At the time, she and her younger siblings were killing themsleves at an especially competitive private school, which meant, while they would have pulled top ranks in another less competitive private or public school, they appeared to not be strong candidates on paper. </p>
<p>Don’t kid yourself- colleges don’t advertise that “Our freshman class stats are only xxx GPA but we take kids from really tough high schools;” Colleges want to wear badges of taking in students of the highest grades, not necessarily the highest caliber. They will tell you how high their incoming class grade point averages are, and those stats won’t be qualified by “but they come from reallly tough high schools”.</p>
<p>Due to family circumstances changing, our younger children are at less challenging schools, with 10 point grading scales rather than the 7 point scale which doubly penalized them at their uber competitive school, they are more relaxed yet bringing in higher GPAs. And we are just fine with that and are pretty darn certain the colleges they apply to will be, too. </p>
<p>It is a sad statement about where the college admissions process has gotten these days, and frankly, it perplexes us that so many can afford to fight so hard so that spots are limited. Husband turned down one of the top 3 holy grail schools; I attended one of the very top public universities and it was the only school I applied to (from out of state, no less). It is doubtful either of us would get in today but who knows? It is just sad to have today’s children have to give up their childhoods towards reaching for the prize, which may not be so much of one.</p>
<p>As for how many schools to apply to? There are many out there applying to more than 20, with college applications coaches and SAT/ACT tutors. It is just the way it is. You may choose for your child to have a more sane experience but have realistic expectations with regards to what others are doing. The reality is there are many many great schools out there and while the competition is fierce, most can find a good place.</p>
<p>Thanks dowzerw. You wrote a very sober post. I think the process has gotten pretty extreme and with all this pressure to perform, I’m not sure our kids are any better off.</p>
<p>D-eeeep breath now, 2oldforthis.</p>
<p>Your son will get into a good university if what you wrote about him is accurate. He will. But will he weather the stress?</p>
<p>Having experienced both academic private and good public schools with my kids, I believe the super-charged atmosphere in certain types of private schools is the culprit. You do get good academic level in terms of peers, and the private uber-competitive school is set to catapult the students into the admissions race a year earlier than even the strong suburban privates. But you also get the sort of madness that your son seems to have caught, and the returns for the anxiety do not translate to better university admissions.</p>
<p>It is only ‘that bad’ if our kids don’t apply widely, are wedded to ‘dream schools,’ and measure their worth by constantly looking over their shoulder at their most anxious peers. For us as parents, with more perspective, the best thing to do is not listen to other parents who are caught in the above^.</p>
<p>I’m a professional recruiter. I have found that 80%+ of college GRADS know more about what they DON’T want to do than what they DO want to do. So, relax.</p>
<p>Your head seems to be in the right place. I don’t know where you are from, but from where I’m from (South Jersey), the state colleges are pretty darn good, better than many private schools. So, don’t automatically dismiss them. My son’s grades were 4.0+, SATs well over 2000, Top 5 in large public school. Many calls/letters from top “name brands”. #1 & #3 went to Harvard, as did a grade school classmate who ended up in a private prep school. My son chose Rowan for engineering (4 years paid tuition & housing) and hasn’t regretted it a bit. The other two chose Bucknell and another state school.</p>
<p>I’ve also found that better colleges and professors can smell kids that pick majors that they are not really into. So, they “flush the toilet”, usually in the 2nd year, by excessive demands and intense syllabi. That weans their class sizes a bit, and saves the school some scholarship money.</p>
<p>College is a stepping stone, not an end. Minds can be changed. Chant this mantra to yourself when you feel stressed over this: “For who? For what?”.</p>