Was my supplement essay too bold??

Colleges & Universities A-Z Carnegie Mellon University
1

<p>So. I love carnegie mellon verrrry much. i went to their summer program for two summers and went to the Celebration of Diversity Weekend. It feels like Pittsburgh could be my home town even though i've lived there for a total of twelve weeks and three days. </p>

<p>HOWEVER</p>

<p>i think i showed my passion for my future alma mater.</p>

<p>could some one read it and tell me what you think?</p>

2

<p>i submitted mine already, you can PM urs</p>

3

<p>I am a current CMU student and will look it over for you if you like and let you know my thoughts. Just PM me.</p>

4

<p>brightdreams do you mind reading mine as well and giving me ur thoughts on it?</p>

5

<p>I would not mind at all Eagles. :)</p>

6

<p>@brightdreams: sent
thank you soo much</p>