Most of these are pretty good advice.
I am sorry to say that I could take some of these comments and match them up to several parents I know. Those parents could have benefitted from such direct comments but I am not sure they would have listened.
It’s a little late, isn’t it? After admissions for the year. It would have been more helpful in December.
Parents exhibiting these behaviors are just starting to pay attention for this fall… although they never see themselves in these things.
I know a poster or two who needs to read that.
A useful reminder:
“Merit awards are selective. Appreciate them if your child is awarded one, but don’t expect or demand them. Just because your child was admitted doesn’t mean they are entitled to a scholarship. Sometimes just being admitted is the merit award.”
Loved this one: ‘I understand that he isn’t in the top half of the class but I can’t believe you are telling me he is in the bottom half.’
Great advice across the board
This reminds me of the “open letter to the athlete” article on the other thread; it seems to be a bit of parent-bashing in the form of a composite of the traits of the most extreme examples ever encountered. I have never actually met a parent who is that stupid, delusional or entitled. What might be common are the parents who mistakenly believe that their straight A student is good enough for Harvard, merely because he has straight A’s. Even that is rare in more affluent towns like mine where parents know full well it takes more than straight A’s–hence the push to do some very unusual EC or be the state champ in tennis. And I don’t think parents truly believe their kid is ENTITLED to a merit award. They are simply dealing with the shock over the final COA once it’s clear that life isn’t magical such that the finances are all going to work out somehow. In their defense, college is just way too expensive and that makes people feel desperate and angry, and thus a little irrational.
Here’s the one I’ll try to remember this coming school year: “For every one college chat, have two about something else.”
This should be mandatory reading for parents of HS students starting in Freshman year.
What about this one:
Are they saying that in most schools, ability to pay full tuition acts like a hook?
I thought most were spot on. Not sure I agree that HS is always a soft pillow. As someone said, it can really frustrate parents when they know that their kid’s “mistake” will end up costing them a lot of money since the kid just dropped their grade enough to be out of the running for merit awards.
I also think that virtually no questions would be asked at info sessions or on tours if only the kids did the talking.
I also wish the counselors would have some empathy for parents, most of whom only want the best for their kids, are not gunning for super elites, but are also understandably concerned about paying for the high cost of college.
@TheGFG, I am pretty sure we have seen all of these out here.
Parent bashing cliches by out-of-touch and over “worked” counselors who are likely graduates of the local college and know nothing about elite admissions. To make their job easier and their performance review stronger, they push all their students into the 3 or 4 closest colleges to the high school. Perhaps once a year they’ll dote on a special student.
Parents have no say, but parents have to cough up $100k-260k? Give me a break.
I think these were mostly private high school counselors. A lot of the points seem spot on to me, although I agree that tours would be awfully quiet if only students asked questions.
It’s unclear who the counselors are. “College admissions officers” is in the headline. They work for colleges.
The guy who wrote it is a private HS counselor and said he asked “some of his colleagues” – he says he asked both HS counselors and college admissions officers.
I thought it was unclear, too. From the sound of it, maybe they work for other prep schools. He works for the Derryfield school. He’s also on Linkedin.
@mom2and, the majority of colleges are not need-blind. At those schools, I think it’s fair to assume that ability to pay matters.
As someone pointed out above, I will do my best to remember this advice over the next 10 months as my DS17 heads into his senior year.
“In your child’s junior and senior years, be sure to have many conversations with him or her about something other than the college search and application process. Many families fall into a vortex of all-college-all-the-time, and that’s not healthy. Here is a simple guideline: for everyone one college chat, have two about something else.”