Well, I would still get them something off the registry. The gift is for them, not me and we all have different tastes. Or I’d just give them cash or a gift card to the store they’re registered at. I’ve bought wedding gifts that I wouldn’t buy for myself several times…
Another note on why some couples prefer cash and/or don’t have a registry for items: it may be for logistical reasons. About 10 years ago we went to the wedding of a couple who was moving to Australia shortly after the wedding. They didn’t register for stuff because they didn’t want to have to deal with moving a ton of stuff overseas. They wanted cash, so they could use it to buy stuff when they got to Australia…one unusual, but possible reason why some couples just want cash.
Personally, I’d just do what the couple wants. If they don’t have a registry, give them a check or cash or gift card. Giving cash or a check is not a new thing at weddings…
I don’t think it matters if I dislike an item that a couple requests on a registry. If they like it, that’s what matters.
I have two wedding gifts that have lasted 41 years—an Italian ceramic serving bowl and a Lecruset dutch oven. When I use these items, they bring back good memories of the folks who gave them to us.
Re opening gifts. In the mid 1980’s we went to a wedding in a small rural town in Illinois. The day after the wedding all were invited to a brunch at a member of the bride’s family and all gifts were opened. It wasn’t a huge wedding. I had never seen this done before.
I had a friend whose daughter was getting married in our home state. Daughter had moved several states away and that is where she and her hubby would be moving to after the wedding in the home state (where she was raised). I was in invited to a shower and the invitation explicitly stated they wanted ONLY gift cards, not gifts because of ease.
When I arrived at the shower (with my gift card), the bride was not even there!!! She hadn’t come from the other state for her own shower. This was before FaceTiming, streaming, etc, so she wasn’t even there virtually!!
Perhaps a dozen years ago, I recall bridal showers where the guests were all friends of the mother. The entire time was spent opening presents, with the ohs and Ahs. Yuck
I received a lecreuset Dutch oven from my aunt as a shower gift, she said she knew it wasn’t on my registry but to trust her, I’d use it. I use it at least 3 times a week, she was right.
Since we don’t give wedding gifts, I’ll have to wait for my own kids to get married to give it for showers (because I’m not spend that much money on a shower gift for anyone but my kids).
I did not but do remember attending weddings in which this happened. I had several showers and the gifts were opened publicly and oo’ed and ah’ed over at each one.
This probably deserves its own thread, but I also remember the wedding pics in the newspaper and the competition to be the featured wedding.
I never have seen wedding gifts displayed in HI. I did open gifts with my immediate sibs and my folks and h’s folks present with a light brunch (leftovers from dinner) the day after the wedding. My sibs also did similar openings, iirc. The wedding couple put the gift envelopes in the hotel safe the night of the wedding.
Some still do at least in south. I did for my wedding. My niece’s mom did it for her 10 years ago. My D got married this past weekend. Our approach has been stacked in boxes, LOL. Don’t think it’s as common any more. But my house is not drop by ready!
Nice gift shops don’t really have all the China, etc in stock. Bride basically gets gift card with what was given. After wedding they decide what to actually order or what to use on other items. So I don’t think my D has an actual complete set of anything to display.
Regional traditions are interesting. My new son in law’s family and family friends from the northeast brought card to wedding with cash. D was astounded by amounts and that they were brought to reception. Thank goodness we had day of coordinators that were catching these at door and keeping up with them.
No, of course not! Where I live, no one gives gifts for the wedding, just $ (and there is a cover your plate culture but let’s not get into that). Registries are for shower gifts, maybe I’m cheap but I think $50 - $100 is a good amount to spend on a shower gift, depending on the relationship. When I got married I received generous shower gifts from close family only (mom, grandmother, close aunts). My flat wear was several hundred dollars, my grandmother bought it for me, I’ve since had some replaced (I don’t know what happens to spoons in this house).
ETA, the post above mine describes wedding gift giving here.
I def can sort of agree that for people who have been out on their own and not using milk crates for their coffee table, having both shower and wedding gifts is overkill.
Opening gifts at the shower in front of everyone is still a thing around here. Can be fun - for like 10 minutes. but if it’s a big shower it gets a little ridiculous!
Went to a baby shower this weekend. I spent more than I usually would because the wedding was at the courthouse on Wednesday, so I don’t think there will be another opportunity to give something to this sweet couple.
We grew up on the West Coast and the “cover the plate” concept was unknown.
but if it’s a big shower it gets a little ridiculous!