And although some find it hard to believe, but that is how people actually feel in cover your plate areas. You really give what you want, no one feels the need to make a profit. I think the term came about back in the day to explain why gifts are cash and more generous than receptions held in church basements with bowls of nuts. Weddings are big expensive events, women wear nice dresses, men wear suits. When my kids were growing up, $20 was what I spend on birthday gifts (usually gift cards, I’d always have a stack). Never really thought about it, but it was typical, and birthday parties usually cost about $20 a head, but I wasn’t trying to pay to go.
Agree that no gifts are required if that is the request. When “no gifts” are requested I typically make a donation to a charity that I feel the people hosting the party would like and write a note to let them know - but that is my choice.
When I saw this, I , of course, thought of this thread. He specifically addresses covering the plate at the end.
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Enjoyed seeing this along with the ‘extra commentary’.
Just got a wedding invitation in the mail today. 4/4 invites this year using The Knot. This is the first one with the invitation saying “The couple is registered at Amazon and Target”. Have the stamped RSVP which has our names hand printed, with ‘2’ and we check mark/answer if attending or not.
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My son and his wife used The Knot for their wedding last month. No mention of gifts in the mailed invitation. You could RSVP either via the enclosed card or online. An insert did direct people to their website, which provided details about the couple, the event , the wedding party, the registry, etc.
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Yes this was a first for me seeing about where registered for gifts - but I do suspect there were older relatives who may have a younger relative helping them find/purchase the gift (older relatives that do not use a computer). I bet it was for their benefit. Same about the RSVP.
I thought this was quite clever - for the one recent wedding with RSVP that was with mailing back the card in stamped/provided envelope, in very small pencil print on the back of the card had a number (I knew from my friend, the groom’s mother - otherwise I would not have seen) - so they could check off by number off their master list on RSVP. That certainly would have helped me check off quickly on our wedding list who did not respond (we had a lot of DH’s relatives not RSVP and we needed to ‘guess’ about them coming - this way we could have had a better way to identify).
We had numbers on our RSVP cards. A few were sent back with dinner choices…but NO names. Those numbers really helped.
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Yes, we put a discreet number on each wedding invitation back in the 1980s, so we could track down those who didn’t respond and those absent-minded ones.
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My daughter did paper invites but rsvp’s were done via her Zola website (you could also choose your meal and rsvp for the rehearsal dinner & welcome party). She preemptively notified certain family members so they could help elderly guests figure out how to rsvp or do it for them. It saved her a bit on postage, not having to include stamped rsvp cards.
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We did something similar for D’s wedding except that I had a minimum number (20 or so) of RSVP cards printed which we included in invitations for a few elderly relatives and non-tech savvy guests.
I like old fashioned RSVP cards for all guests but the kids vetoed that LOL.
Good idea!
Recently received a paperless post invitation.
There was a response area on the face of the invitation, but there was also a direction to a page that requested responses to the listed individual events -welcome event, post-wedding brunch, etc.
Unfortunately, at this time I am unsure if I can make the welcome event but there is no ‘maybe’ option, and it won’t progress to the next event without a response to the first event.
We are seeing more weddings with multiple events as well. Welcome cocktail reception the night before. Wedding and reception and day of. Brunch the morning after. Taking it back to the OP, are we expected to cover all of those plates? 
Definitely not! You get a gift for getting married, cocktail parties and brunches are not gift giving occasions.
When we hosted D’s wedding in 2015, we had a open party after the rehearsal dinner (most guests had traveled from out of town) with drinks and desert. We also invited several people (mostly family and a few close friends) to brunch at our house on Sunday (wedding was on Saturday). Again, many people traveled quite a distance to attend.
It was expensive (I am not interested in anyone’s comments on that, we CHOSE to do this) but to this day we have no idea how much cash/the value of gifts D and SIL received. We (me, H, D and SIL) did not expect anyone to “cover” anything. We wanted them to attend if possible and have a good time.
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There was also a welcome party (open to all) after the rehearsal dinner at son’s wedding last month. Brunch on Sunday was at the venue(a country inn) for those staying there only (wedding party and immediate family). The brunch was included in the expensive room price. It was an expensive venue and most of the guests were their friends. It is doubtful that many(if any) of them even came close to “covering the plate.” And that’s okay! Everyone had a great time! And lots of them had the expenses of travel to the wedding.
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Neither of my kids is married, but I wouldn’t expect the guests to cover their plates. That said, D and S will probably be paying for most of their weddings…so I doubt I would know all the costs. I certainly wouldn’t expect guests to cover the cost at a welcome dinner and brunch the day after. If you want to have extra events on top of the wedding and reception, that’s a choice.
If you are having a wedding with a lot of guests coming from out of town…is it really necessary to have a welcome party and a brunch the day after? Seems like a lot…
That said D’s friend had a breakfast/brunch the day after her wedding, but it was more like: “we’re going to be eating brunch around 10, feel free to join us. But, we’re not hosting.”
I plan to give them some money, but my husband and I paid for our own wedding at a 5-star hotel. But I did hear a ridiculous amount from my niece and her husband, they do make a lot of money though.
It is not necessary per se but we wanted to do it. D’s wedding was in rural Virginia and with many people traveling from various locations (Illinois, Texas, New York City) we did it as a courtesy. FWIW we have traveled to several weddings out of state and were included in similar events.
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To me, not only is an “extra” event a convenience for out of towners or whoever is parking themselves close by but can also be a way to extend the celebration (wedding day itself goes so fast!), gives the wedding party something to look forward to after the main event AND - perhaps more importantly - gives everyone a chance to visit more with friends and family, whether they came near or far.
The main event often doesn’t lend itself to much visiting especially of the wedding party - beyond surface chatter and congratulations.
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