Thanks for the feedback everyone. I think we’re likely to go with $500 for the 5 of us. We are staying overnight, but they are family.
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Wow, I am shocked. Never heard of this!! I give a gift on the registry, period.
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Wow, a $500 wedding present is something I would only give to my own kids. Maybe I’m an outlier.
I was shocked that my sister gave her son $500 for his high school graduation. My kids got a nice restaurant dinner and a couple of tizzlers. That’s it. When my daughter graduated from college, I gave her some money and a sadly cheap, but cute, pair of earrings, because it was in the height of the pandemic and I couldn’t find anything else. My son will also get money and a tizzler. I just paid for their college educations and they don’t need a giant present.
If my whole family was invited to a wedding, I’d probably give a gift of around $200-$300, depending on how close we are. I would never expect to pay for how much it cost to host me and my family at the wedding. A gift shouldn’t be given as a payment for an invitation, in my opinion.
ETA: I had no registry for my wedding. We lived together overseas. If anyone asked, my mom told them we would like cash. His whole family travelled over for the wedding and that was their gift to us.
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What if there wasn’t a registry? They are for the bridal shower gifts here.
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Your kids will get back the same amount at their weddings you gave them so it goes around and around (lol) . . $500 for your “adult family” of 5 with an overnight stay is reasonable. It likely doesn’t cover their cost per plate in NY but the point is they invited you for your relationship to them, not to pay for their wedding. Have fun!
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We are attending a wedding without a registry. They want money for a honeymoon/house/car. For the shower, I bought a gift and included a gift receipt. For the wedding, I will give a check.
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How much is spent on guests is on the wedding couple. I give a gift dependent on how close I am to the couple. My gift expense will be the same if you have a huge wedding or a back yard bbq.
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Okay, I have to ask, what is a “tizzler”? The only google result was from urban dictionary and I’m pretty sure that’s not what you mean.
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In my geographical region and cultural/social circle, we give a gift from the registry for an engagement gift. A check for the wedding.
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We give a gift depending on how close we are. Family and close friends, I usually do $100-150. I am don’t know how much is being spent and the person with a lavish wedding shouldn’t get more than someone with a backyard party.
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As an Irish Catholic born in Pittsburgh, this entire “cover the cost of your plate” concept is still just about the most vulgar idea I’ve ever heard (and no, you don’t ever show up at the actual wedding with a gift, always send it before or shortly after the event).
I’m sorry but regardless of the customs or desires of the bridal couple, I won’t ever be writing a check or handing over any amount of cash. If they don’t want the gift I’ve selected they are welcome to return it.
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Actually, I will give cash or a gift off of the registry UNLESS the couple only asks for money. Then they get a gift. I find it rude to only ask for money, and it looks like a money grab to me 
I ,apparently, am not as well off as most of you. I’ve never even come close to $500.
$100 to $150 in a gift or cash for family and $50 to $75 in cash or gift for friends kids.
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I give one gift to a married couple. If I give one at a bridal shower, I don’t buy a second one for the wedding. I decide how much I want to spend and use it on one present.
I don’t believe we got a single dollar as a gift for our wedding.
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My SIL’s family is part of a culture in which it is customary for the parents’ friends to give large sums of money for wedding gifts … and the expectation is that the parents will reciprocate at their friends’ kids’ weddings. D said that her MIL needed to know the exact amount each of her friends gave. That’s just how it is. As for me, I give based on relationship (and when we didn’t have much money, it was less just because it had to be).
My bff (the same one from the packing thread! lol) had her reception in her church basement. This was before I knew her, but I do know that they had cake and punch and mints. To cover the plate, it would’ve been about $1.75!
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Is it possible my family invented a word? A tizzler is just a little gift. Maybe better than a stocking stuffer, but not a lavish gift. I guess a tizzler is chosen with care though. So not junk.
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this thread is mind boggling. I’ve never considered giving $500 for a gift. I have given $100 before. my gift shouldn’t have anything to do with if you decided to do a 100/plate dinner or a 15/plate dinner.
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The $500 gift was for a family of five related to the wedding couple, I believe. So really $100 from each relative, which sounds reasonable.
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i don’t think I’ve ever just given money as a wedding gift, honestly. Here it would seem like you couldn’t make the effort to shop? Although money is acceptable if you can’t attend. Dollar dance is meant to help expenses; cookie table contributions expected if yinz are family
Money is very much welcomed by the young people we know. I do give gifts when I can, but sometimes there just isn’t anything left on the registry that fits my budget - and when the couple is paying for their own wedding, I figure that they would appreciate a bit of cash to use as they wish.
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